It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Captain Retrospect!

We all know Captain Retrospect. Captain Retrospect is that super-hero in everyone’s life who has the uncanny ability to point out your mistakes and then tell you what they would have done had they been in your shoes. Sometimes we work with Captain Retrospect, sometimes we’re married to him or her and sometimes we’re just friends with Captain Retrospect. Regardless of where we encounter Captain Retrospect, we are always annoyed by him or her.

Captain Retrospect is especially annoying at work as either your co-worker or supervisor. Captain Retrospect especially likes using his or her special powers in public situations, such as a staff meeting or in front of a customer. “Oh…you’re never going to get that done by the deadline. You know what I would’ve done? I would have pre-ordered extra copies of Form 1742G and then forwarded them in anticipation of the deadline. That way you could have completed the inventory long before now.”

I think we all had Captain Retrospect as a childhood friend. As you’re being carried home by Captain Retrospect and another friend, Captain Retrospect, whose powers were evident early in life, usually said something like, “I knew you never should have jumped off that tree. I was just about to tell you there was a fence below you.” We all also had Captain Retrospect as a close friend in college too, didn’t we? “Dude! There is no way I would have done that. I totally knew the cops were going to show up. What were you thinking?” At this point Captain Retrospect is usually lucky we were already in handcuffs.

In a relationship Captain Retrospect is especially dangerous. Captain Retrospect can be either a guy or a girl. “I knew it wouldn’t work. I wanted to try the other thing and now you’re feelings are all hurt. Well it’s not my fault. You should have listened to me.” Or perhaps Captain Retrospect is a friend who offers helpful commentary on your relationships: “You should have dumped him a long time ago. I knew he was a player, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. How could you not see the signs?”

Is it any wonder that Captain Retrospect never got invited to join the Superfriends?

19 responses to “It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Captain Retrospect!

  1. and don’t for get “captian retrospect’s” trusty side kick “captian hindsite 20/20”

  2. Hmmm I slap captain retrospect around when he gets mouthy. I am one to look at my decisions and not dwell on them but understand that most of the time I was doing what I thought was best with the knowledge that I had at that time. The fact that I would make different decisions now doesn’t mean much, as I am now a different person. My captain reprospect knows better than to try to give me guilt trips 🙂-N

  3. Yeh, someone else always has a better way. That is until they screw up. Then it’s your turn to be Captain Retrospect. What goes around, comes around (I love cliches).

  4. Captain Retrospect??Are you running out of material?

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  6. This is so true. I love the concept!

  7. Heh, i like the idea too. Sadly, i tend to be a bit of a Captain Retrospect, i promise to keep my cakehole shut in future!

  8. QG- I thought about using Captain Hindsight, but it sounded like a porn movie about a guy with an ass fetish.Natalia- Yes, I don’t think many of us have patience with Captain Retrospect unless we have to. Bob- I try not to turn into Captain Retrospect unless I’m doing it in a humorous way. Of course my victim probably doesn’t find me all that funny at the time.Kim- Sorry to disappoint you. After this and your last couple comments I get the sense that you’re angry with me.

  9. SF Vanilla- You have quickly become one of my favorite commenters. I added you to my blogroll.

  10. dzeni- Thank you. I’m glad you liked it. I may have a whole series of Everyday Superheroes in me. I don’t think they’ll make for good movies, but maybe a couple more funny posts.Michelle- Oh no, you’re Captain Retrospect? Don’t do it! Renounce your evil powers!

  11. *LMAO*well, i have lately been the pervert commenter on your blog, not that it was my intention this time…i guess i’m just continuing the trend

  12. Looking back at this post, I think it was a good idea to write.

  13. you know what i like about this blog, phil? you make me re-examine my own tendencies. i think i have been at least an assistant to the captain before. i shall try to do better next time.

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  15. 🙂 I agree with Bobciz – I’m the queen of stuffing things up myself or putting my foot in it, and I can’t live my life constantly under review and punishing myself. I tend to try to just approach everything with the best of motives (in my own internal moral guage) and from there, shrug off the boo-boos and learn from them. Not sure what inspired the post but enjoyed it anyway.

  16. I seem to work with a lot of Cpt. Retrospects. I lile when they use their special powers in a staff meeting to make themselves look good.

  17. QG- Like anyone, I can have a little bit of perv in me. Maybe I’m not the pristine saint I appear to be here. (LOL)Ego’s Alter- I think you’re right. How brilliant of you.Say Rah!- While I rarely strive to be serious, I think you’re implying that I may have actually said something thought provoking. How insulting! You take that back right now!SF- Why thank you. You comments here deserved a link. More people should read you.

  18. Clueless- Don’t worry, you didn’t inspire the post!G-Man- I once worked with a Queen Retrospect who constantly was trying to put herself on the throne during staff meetings. Hated her like poison.

  19. No Phil, I am not angry. I was “trying” to be funny, but apparently it didn’t work. I am sorry if you got your feelings hurt, but maybe you should read last comment I made to you again because I think you must have only skimmed it. You don’t even need to read it all…just the last sentence.I am not pouting, nor should you.

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