I’ve got to start eating better. Not because I’m in particularly poor shape, or because my cholesterol is out of control. Apparently some people find religious deities in their food. I’ve eaten a lot of food in my life, but not once have I ever found the face of Jesus Christ, Buddha, Mohammed or Elvis in my pancakes. In a chocolate factory in Fountain Valley, California this week workers found what they believe is a holy representation of the Virgin Mary in chocolate.
I believe the people who feel that these food faces are holy signs are completely off their rockers. No offense if you’re one of them, and good luck with your e-bay auction of that St. Francis of Assisi potato chip. Think about it; if you are an omnipotent deity with cosmic powers, are you going to screw around putting your likeness on something that by chance could fall into the hands, and then mouth of an atheist at a pub who looks at his cheese doodle and says, “Oh look Ted, it looks like a face in my cheese doodle, crunch, crunch, crunch. Hey bartender, we’re out of cheese doodles over here.”
When I’m a deity I’m not going to waste my time putting my face in snack foods. People will wake up one day and suddenly there will be an extra head on Mt. Rushmore, or the Eiffel Tower will be bent into the shape of my profile. That’s how you get the word out that you’re the guy to worship. Either these snack food Gods aren’t very bright, or the people who see them are just seeing what they want to see. And if putting your face in people’s food is the way Gods go about getting publicity, why doesn’t anyone claim to see Satan in their Corn Flakes? If Coke is running a big add campaign you can bet Pepsi will counter it. Satan needs to get off his fiery, red ass and get to work. He’s losing customers. Then again, how many of you women have eaten a pint of Haagen Dazs while watching a Lifetime movie on a lonely Saturday night and said, “The devil made me do it”?