I love women. Let me get that out of the way right up front. I think women are the best invention known to man. Women, however, are starting to scare me. Remember about a month ago when I mused about what I would do and how I would elude authorities if I turned to a life of crime? If I do turn to a life of crime you can sure as hell bet that I will go out of my way to avoid victimizing women. I say this not only because of my great respect for women, but also because they apparently have no qualms about killing you.
Two incidents occurred in the past week that caught my attention. Last Thursday Susan Kuhnhausen, a 51 year old nurse in Portland, Oregon returned home from work to find a man armed with a hammer in her home. Of course Susan did what any women would do in this situation, she strangled him to death with her bare hands. The second incident occurred in New York City of course. 56 year old Margaret Johnson was cruising through a Harlem neighborhood in her wheelchair when a mugger thought he would try to snatch a necklace off of her neck. So of course Margaret did what any right thinking woman would do when confronted with this situation. She shot him. Granny was packing serious heat. It turns out that this little, old, wheelchair-bound woman was on her way to a shooting lesson. Sadly, the incident occurred before the lesson. She only managed to hit the mugger in the elbow, but he was arrested and no doubt embarrassed. I’m guessing that when he’s hanging out at the muggers weekly poker game his friends are not going to let him live this down.
I can only imagine how this situation will playing out in the dating scene. What guy in his right mind now would risk a flirtatious slap on someone’s behind at a bar? Or say you go home with a girl, how could you possibly even thinking of making your “move” unless you ask permission and outline exactly what you plan to do ahead of time. Yeah ladies, don’t think you’re ever going to come home to find your boyfriend in his birthday suit with a dozen roses for you. If we jump out and yell “surprise” we could end up dead. I’ve read many, many women’s blogs bemoaning the fact that they can’t find any decent, single guys. I’m pretty sure there are lots of decent single guys, they’re just terrified that if they say the wrong thing you’re going bust a cap in their heads.