1. On Wednesday off the coast of Florida a stingray jumped into a boat and when the 81-year-old driver tried to remove it, the stingray stabbed him in the chest with his stinger. Between this incident and the Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin incident I think the stingrays are trying to tell us something. They’re pissed and they’re not going to take it anymore. From now on, if I run into a stingray anywhere I’m just handing over my wallet and running away. Forget Jason, Freddy, or Scream, the scariest costume this Halloween has to be a stingray.
2. Another Phil Law: From this day forward there should be a separate lane at the supermarket for anyone using coupons. Also, if you find yourself in line behind a coupon user and there is a problem with one of their coupons, you are legally entitled to fire off a warning shot to help speed the process along. Needless to say, I’m going to be wearing a flak jacket to the supermarket when this law takes effect because there’s always a problem with coupons. The person invariably has a cart full of groceries and 800 coupons, and there’s always one coupon where the person has bought the wrong size or number of product, they haven’t bought the item for which they have handed the cashier a coupon, or they insist they have a coupon but can’t seem to find it after an exhaustive 20 minute search of their change purse.