TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year

Later this week Time Magazine will unveil their annual Person of the Year. Rumor has it that the two leading candidates are: 1) the crazy North Korean dictator with the shiny, new, nuclear bomb or 2) YouTube. While both were certainly noteworthy and newsworthy in 2006, let’s face it, they’re not me. For all my longtime blog friends this post certainly comes as no surprise to you. That’s right, I am pushing my 11th hour candidacy for Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. The obvious question that you’re all asking yourself is, “Why does Phil think he should be Person of the Year?” Thanks, I’m glad you asked. Allow me to explain.

First of all, as much as I enjoy YouTube, it’s not a person. I clearly am. Time Magazine purports to name The Person of the Year. If they name a thing as Person of The Year, then I plan to sue on behalf of the entire human race. If YouTube is eligible to be Person of the Year, then I want to be eligible for Motor Trend Magazine’s Car of the Year Award as well as for the AKC Dog of the Year Award. If we’re going to let things compete against humans then I plan on entering a remote control car in the next Olympic Marathon. (As a point of interest, thanks to Gooby, video of me from 15-20 years ago is on YouTube. And yes, the nudity was integral to the plot.)

That covers why I am more deserving of the award than YouTube, but why do I think I deserve Person of the Year more than a crazy dictator? Thanks, I’m glad you asked. I’m a mental health professional. I make my living examining people’s moods and motivations. I may be a bit egocentric and attention seeking here on my blog, but that’s generally harmless. We all know people who thrive on seeking negative attention from others. Due to their lack of self-esteem these people seek to make waves in any way possible. The worst possible thing you can do is to give them the much sought after attention in response to their stupid behavior. The crazy North Korean dictator with new nuclear capability and David Blaine are exactly these types of people and both should be ignored. If the Korean dictator is positively reinforced by getting a magazine cover he’ll only get bolder. Just as we should do with David Blaine, the world should collectively shrug it’s shoulders, yawn, and walk away. My self-aggrandizing behavior, however, is harmless and won’t hurt anyone if you give me positive reinforcement. Despite all my nonsensical ramblings here, not once during the past year have I done anything that made the whole world nervous. I’m saving that for when I become President. In fact, I like to think that maybe, just maybe, by making fun of things, simplifying male-female communication and suggesting improvements for how the world should be run, my blog has made the world a little better place.