Distraction Action

Action is a lot like Conjunction Junction. Who remembers that? Sing it with me! “Conjunction Junction, what’s your function?”  There you go, now it’s in your head for the day. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law againsnst eating or smoking while driving. Yes, I know this is going to make some people mad. I have friends who smoke. I even have friends who eat.  I’m not opposed to smoking or eating if both are done in moderation.  I am opposed to unfair laws.

Over the past several years we’ve seen many laws passed to decrease distracted driving. Isn’t putting a stick in your mouth and lighting it on fire at least slightly distracting while driving? About 25 years ago my friend Bob went through a phase where whenever we got together and went out to a bar and played pool he would leave the room and return moments later with a pack of cigarettes. We weren’t smokers, or pool players for that matter, but we would smoke just one or two while we drank beer and played pool. I have no idea how smokers do it. Maybe I was bad at smoking or pool, probably both, but half of the time I couldn’t see what shot I was trying to make because of the smoke in my eyes.  If I can’t hold my cell phone next to my ear while my eyes are fully fixed on the road I don’t see why smokers are allowed to drive while smoke drifts into their eyes. Yes, I know all you smokers will hate this law because you’re running out of places you can legally smoke in public, but hey, guess what? Yeah, it’s your car, but the roadways are public and like I said, I’m not opposed to smoking, I’m opposed to you running into me because you accidentally lit your mustache on fire because you had to get in just one more cig before work.

Like I said, it’s not just smokers who are going to dislike my legislation. It’s eaters too. I’m an eater. The first step is admitting. My name is Phil and I eat and drive. I shouldn’t eat and drive. It’s distracting. It is virtually impossible to get the nugget in the little cup of dipping sauce unless you look down. And cutting your steak is almost impossible while driving. Once I actually saw someone eating corn on the cob while driving. At 8 a.m.! I’m not sure which I’m more appalled by. What’s even worse is that if I hit a rough patch of road my chocolate fountain keeps tipping over, which I find very distracting.

Although my proposed legislation is likely to be somewhat controversial, I’m confident that when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, my overwhelming popularity will make it an easy sell. If you’re a driver, eater, or smoker please click the Facebook “Like” button below and feel free to subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle, which so far is ok to do while you’re driving

19 responses to “Distraction Action

  1. What about masturbating while driving too? It happens, not by me I might add, but surely that must cause ones mind to erm wander a little too?

    • A local man here was driving from work in his lorry and he witnessed a man doing this on the motorway. He recorded it on his phone. I couldn’t believe it! 🤤

  2. Only my opinion but I think Bluetooth is equally distracting as well, as is having a conversation while driving. I side swiped my car against a pole in a parking garage once because I was distracted talking to a passenger. Bluetooth use is still distracting mentally; people need to concentrate on driving and not their conversation.

    Nissan Dealer Los Angeles

  3. There is car friendly food….It might not be yogurt, or dipping nuggets in cups….but there is nothing wrong with an apple. An apple is perfectly acceptable driving food.

  4. This is actually a very good point! I never thought of smoking and driving in that way. I smoked years ago and looking back now, it was a big distraction. Reaching for the packet, take a cigarette out, get the lighter/matches, light up without putting your lashes or hair on fire – more work than answering the phone!
    That photo of the girl putting on make-up while driving….. I see that so often. How the hell can women do that? First of all it’s downright dangerous, and how can she do it properly? Seriously women, set the alarm clock five minutes earlier! 🤣

  5. Driving while under the influence of Corn on the Cob. Hysterical!

  6. I would be busted for sure since I love to drive and eat!

  7. First of all, if you were bad at playing pool while smoking it’s because you were too sober—listen to the voice of experience here!

    Next, a confession: I have actually been guilty of reading a damned book while driving. I know, it’s a miracle I didn’t kill myself and all the orphans everywhere with that stunt. In my defense, a friend had just loaned me a truly horrible book by a truly horrible woman; I’d flipped to the first page on my way to the car only to get trapped in the web of her attention-grabbing nonsense. I kept meaning to only glance at it when the car was stopped, but…

  8. I knew someone who drove down the road while speaking on her cell phone and applying her make-up. I have a hard enough time applying make-up while standing still, that mascara wand can be dangerous!

  9. This is one of my hubby’s biggest beefs with people who are on their phone and driving. It’s such a hazard. When I was working full time there were times I’d grab a quick sandwich and eat it in the car. (hangs head in shame._

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