Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s The Phil Factor!

If all goes as planned I’ll be standing on British soil, or pavement, when you read this. That is, if customs lets me in the country. I’m hoping that by the time I arrive I’ll see t-shirts with the picture below on them in all the airport gift shops.

keep-calm-and-phil-factor-on-2

Oy, citizens of England, I have a few questions for you:

What is with your food names? Bangers and Mash, Bubbles and Squeak, Fish and chips, Thelma and Louise. Why always two thingsAny chance you could name some of your foods after the stuff that’s in them? I’m a picky eater and I’m going to have a heck of a time trying to figure out what to eat.

Greenwich Mean Time (GMT): Why not Greenwich Friendly Time? If the time is a Mean, does that mean that it’s the average of all the times? How about just Greenwich Time? Then there’s BST, British Summer Time. Is there a clock that will tell me when it’s Pub Time? That’s the time I really want to be sure of.

Freeman

The Martin Freeman Syndrome: I’ve watched a lot of English shows on the telly in preparation for my trip and it appears that England has only five actors and actresses who are in all the shows. Martin Freeman must be the best of them because he’s in every single show.

Cinco de Mayo: The Mexican holiday, which translated means five spoonfuls of mayonnaise. I’m going to be in England for Cinco de Mayo.  Is there a good Mexican restaurant in London?

The accent: Are the English as enamored of the American accent as we are of their accent? Will an Englishman punch me if I spend all week trying to speak with an English accent and use English phrases?

Are the Buckingham Palace guards sick of selfies yet? That’s got to be the worst. They’re just stuck standing there, unmoving, while thousands of tourists take selfies with them. I can’t wait to take lots of selfies with all kinds of English stuff. The Stonehenge selfie. The Queen selfie. The Big Ben selfie. The Royal Jewels selfie. The Eye selfie. I’ll probably be banned from Facebook on both sides of the pond after this trip.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. By next week I’ll be sure to have more questions and maybe some answers to these questions. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

13 responses to “Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s The Phil Factor!

  1. Definitely don’t do the English accent thing man. And regarding the food, you’ll be fine. It’s only in certain parts of London where they’ll use rhyming slang. Welcome by the way!

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  2. NotAPunkRocker

    Lucky! Have fun!

    Your post title made me smile. One of the first times the kid got in “trouble” at school was because he wore my Sex Pistols’ “God Save the Queen” shirt. What is wrong with this world where you can’t introduce your second-grader to punk rock?

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  3. The American accent is lovely – don’t attempt an English one as most Americans doing this sound like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins… Cinco de Mayo is not really celebrated outside of the Mexican community, Martin Freeman is indeed in every programme and now Hollywood movie, along with Benedict Cumberbatch, and eat fish and chips at the restaurant Leicester Square near the Haagen Danz store…

    Looking forward to seeing the selfies!!

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  4. Fully expect you to be back on a plane within hours of your arrival with your passport stamped with a message that you are by no means allowed back in the country. (Is that how it works??)

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  5. Just left a review for 50 shades by the way man. Hope you’re enjoying the Bank Holiday weekend. You’ve really lucked out with our weather! Usually it’s bollocks.

    Oh and I forget now whether you pre-ordered a copy of the book or if you’re waiting for the eBook. But just thought I’d let you know that the first (and probably last!) batch is being printed tomorrow.

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    • Thanks for the review Sean. Much appreciated. Yes, the weather has been great and I think I’ve been almost everywhere there is to go. Loving the city. Yes, I did pre-order. I’m looking forward to getting my copy when I get home.

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      • Glad to hear you’re enjoying your stay Phil. And I’m sorry for the delay with the book. Hopefully you won’t be disappointed when you get home!

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