They’ve been handing out Nobel Prizes all week long, announcing two or three every day. This may come as a surprise to you, but I didn’t get one. It sure as hell came as a surprise to me. There’s even one for Literature! Is The Phil Factor not Literature?
All my life there’s been awesome participation trophies and ribbons that have given me the belief that I deserve an award for everything I do. Adulthood has been kind of a let-down in that regard. You probably have some Nobel Prize-worthy attributes that deserve recognition as well. The fact that you read my blog is evidence of your good taste and wisdom. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will use my executive powers to create several other Nobel Prizes.
The Nobel Prize for Growing Up: When I see celebrities and professional athletes who have fame, fortune and teams of people managing their “brand” and they still screw up and do stupid things that get them arrested, it drives me crazy. I believe there should be a Nobel Prize for growing up successfully when you don’t have all the advantages in the world. You know who has already earned a lifetime ban from this award? Justin Bieber.
The Nobel Prize for Grilled Cheese Sandwiches: Ok, admittedly I’m only including this so I get a Nobel Prize. I think it is a vastly under-appreciated skill to grill it just right so the bread isn’t burned or under-done and soggy and has the perfect crispness. That is my gift. You know who has already earned a lifetime ban from this award? Justin Bieber
The Nobel Prize for Social Media: I am terrible at Facebook and Twitter. I don’t know what to say. Every time I go to write a status or tweet I think to myself, “Why would anyone care if I said this?” Even I am bored with my own Facebook. Yet there are people who effortlessly post on and off all day without giving it a thought and are usually charming and funny. Guess who’s not eligible for this award? Yeah, him and Amanda Bynes.
The Nobel Prize for Best Co-Worker: There are probably millions of people that deserve this award. Everywhere you work there’s always that person who spontaneously brings in coffee and donuts every Monday. They always remember birthdays and circulate a card. If someone has a death in their family this co-worker has already sent flowers and included a card with everyones name, and later will say, “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just give me a couple bucks whenever.” They are the social glue of the office. Without them the office milieu wouldn’t be as tolerable every day.
The Nobel Prize for Doing a Job Nobody Else Wants: Whether it be working at a fast food restaurant, a teacher of middle school kids, or cleaning out septic tanks, there are millions of people doing jobs you couldn’t pay most of us enough to do. Yet people are doing them cheerfully without getting paid nearly what they should be.
The Do-It-Yourself Nobel Prize: Like I said, we all have unique, special things that we do every day that are under-appreciated. What should your Nobel Prize be for? Put your answer in the comments.
As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by Facebook, Twitter or re-blogging. Have a great weekend! ~Phil
Reblogged this on Suzie81 Speaks and commented:
This made me smile…
I love this post, Phil! And of course The Phil Factor is literature. I agree there is a fine art to making a proper grilled cheese sandwich – these things cannot be rushed.
OK, my Nobel Peace Prize nomination is not a funny one (not that clever this early in the morning); it’s for all those selfless people working in animal rescue. It’s unbelievable how much time, money, and devotion these amazing volunteers put into saving the lives of abandoned and sick animals. Their only reward is knowing they’ve made all the difference in the world to that one helpless animal.
That is indeed Nobel worthy work!
Oh… there should definitely be a Nobel Prize for grilled cheese sandwiches. Making a good one is an art! And peace — how can you be mean to somebody when your mouth is stuck together with melty cheese?
Teagan you make an awesome point. You deserve a Nobel for that, or at least a really nice grilled cheese. Your pick!
Well, if Bieber’s winning an award, that means I am definitely not qualified for it!! I could go all humanitarian on you and say that I should be paid for my thankless job as a mother (though that’s really the opposite of being a humanitarian, isn’t it?) but I’ll just go with my actual job where I really don’t get paid enough to sit on my ass and blog. Hey, this stuff is gold!!
Marissa, if there is a Nobel Prize for hilarious, clever, snarky poetry you are the clear winner.
You are too kind.
I like this post so much, I’m off to make a grilled cheese sandwich 🙂
Personally I love a good grilled ham & cheese.
Mmmm. Grilled cheese.
I’m thinking of opening my own grilled cheese restaurant. Maybe I’ll start a blog dedicated to grilled cheese.
I think we need to have a grilled cheese throw down.
Maybe that will be the highlight of Bobfest next year!
I’d settle for a ‘well done, you’ now and again.
Prize givings make me barf when I think of all who don’t get recognition despite plodding on.
Yeah, that, a prize for plodding on. A new pair of trainers to take away the strain.
Positive affirmation, in words, given regularly, works wonders with school kids – better than occasional prizes. And everyone deserves some affirmation, especially the plodders!
That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing!