I had a major dental procedure yesterday, so I decided to share my experience and wisdom with others. Ha Ha, just kidding. We all know that no one reads #ThePhilFactor for wisdom. Even as I sit here with an ache in my jaw and soft food on my menu for a few days, we both know I’m going to make fun of going to the dentist.
I know many people who are terrified of going to the dentist or of having any sort of “procedure.” I’m not one of those people because of this. My hope is that at the end of reading this you’ll have a few funny thoughts in your head that will help you cope with your anxiety the next time you see the dentist.
Eyes up here! Most of you ladies have said this and most of you men have heard it, but at the dentist you’re in another situation when you don’t know where to direct your eyes. Do you look your dentist in the eyes as he probes you? What about right up the nose? Ugh, isn’t it the worst when he/she doesn’t wear a mask and you have an optimal view of their nasal foliage? Or you find yourself tensing up when you see the shiny metal implement headed for your orifice? I recommend closing your eyes completely, start to finish. Why not? They don’t need you to see anything. Put in a pair of earbuds and listen to music. In my dream world (it’s a very strange place) I’d like to see dentists put flatscreen TV’s on the ceiling so we can watch our favorite shows.
The dentist/hygienist relationship: Remember the Seinfeld episode when Jerry suspected his dentist and hygienist were fooling around in the room when he was sedated? My last few appointments my dentist and his hygienist seemed very chummy. It made me wonder. Another good pastime during procedures is trying to figure out in your head who in that office is probing each others orifices outside of the office. I know you do it at your day job. Why not at the dentist? Think to yourself, could I see these two together? What about the receptionist? Nah, she’s too pretty for him. Maybe, but he’s well off and she looks like she likes nice things. If it’s a lady dentist, is she harassing the young, male assistant or intern?
Laughing gas is no laughing matter: Request the laughing gas or a complete knockout even if it costs extra! In most places it’s inappropriate to show up to the dentist drunk, so what other alternative do you have? My first son had a dentist that didn’t use laughing gas and the poor kid was terrified. We eventually switched to a dentist that used laughing gas and the kids loved the dentist!
Advice for dentists: Put comedians on the telly in your waiting room. You need to do a thorough mouthwash and brush a few times a day. We don’t need your coffee breath in our face. Stop asking questions during procedures. Make the dental chair a massage chair. TV’s in the ceiling of each room. Don’t say “Oops!”
I once had an oral surgeon say oops while he was shooting Novocaine into the roof of my mouth. Blood spurted out onto his glove. So, what’s your best or worst dental office story? Or do you have other advice or ideas for making a visit to the dentist easier? I love when you fill my comments up. Feel free to share #ThePhilFactor anywhere you like using the buttons below. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil