It happens to all of us. We find ourselves in a square box in close physical proximity to strangers. Even the most glib amongst us has few tools in a situation like this. If the elevator is in high demand you may even find yourself without any personal space, rubbing up against strangers whom you have no physical attraction to. It can be, for a very short time, very awkward. So how can you make yourself and your fellow travelers more comfortable for that uncomfortable ride?
Pressing The Button: While waiting for the elevator to arrive, please press the button as many times as possible. Once inside the elevator continue to press it for your floor repeatedly until you arrive. That button makes the elevator go faster.Make a fake fart noise: To cover up your real fart noise, make a fake one and then laugh loudly, point to the person next to you, then hope hope like hell that the elevator gets to your floor before the smell rises from bum level to nose level inside the crowded elevator.
Music: Who doesn’t love a spontaneous dance party in an elevator? I recommend keeping C+C Music Factory’s Everybody Dance Now on your cell phone and as soon as the doors close, hit play, crank it up and start dancing up on the person closest to you. That’s always a crowd pleaser.
Fake Reverse Harrassment: Pretend the person of the opposite sex standing closest to you just copped a feel of your glutes. “Oh my God! Did you just touch my bum? I can’t believe it. He/she just grabbed my arse! Well, I can’t really blame you can I? It is rather spectacular, isn’t it? I suppose it’s my own fault for flaunting it so obviously in front of you” Then smack your own ass and say, “Look at that! I can’t even resist my own ass, what chance did you have?” Then get off at the next floor whether it’s your floor or not.
These are just a few of my go to moves for breaking the tension in a crowded elevator. If you have some suggestions of your own, please add them in the comments section and have a great Saturday! ~ Phil