How To Make The Best of an Awkward Situation: Elevator Etiquette

It happens to all of us. We find ourselves in a square box in close physical proximity to strangers. Even the most glib amongst us has few tools in a situation like this. If the elevator is in high demand you may even find yourself without any personal space, rubbing up against strangers whom you have no physical attraction to. It can be, for a very short time, very awkward. So how can you make yourself and your fellow travelers more comfortable for that uncomfortable ride?

Pressing The Button: While waiting for the elevator to arrive, please press the button as many times as possible. Once inside the elevator continue to press it for your floor repeatedly until you arrive. That button makes the elevator go faster.

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Make a fake fart noise: To cover up your real fart noise, make a fake one and then laugh loudly, point to the person next to you, then hope hope like hell that the elevator gets to your floor before the smell rises from bum level to nose level inside the crowded elevator.

Music: Who doesn’t love a spontaneous dance party in an elevator? I recommend keeping C+C Music Factory’s Everybody Dance Now on your cell phone and as soon as the doors close, hit play, crank it up and start dancing up on the person closest to you. That’s always a crowd pleaser.

Fake Reverse Harrassment: Pretend the person of the opposite sex standing closest to you just copped a feel of your glutes. “Oh my God! Did you just touch my bum? I can’t believe it. He/she just grabbed my arse! Well, I can’t really blame you can I? It is rather spectacular, isn’t it? I suppose it’s my own fault for flaunting it so obviously in front of you” Then smack your own ass and say, “Look at that! I can’t even resist my own ass, what chance did you have?” Then get off at the next floor whether it’s your floor or not. 

These are just a few of my go to moves for breaking the tension in a crowded elevator. If you have some suggestions of your own, please add them in the comments section and have a great Saturday! ~ Phil

18 responses to “How To Make The Best of an Awkward Situation: Elevator Etiquette

  1. so, so funny

  2. Having read this post I’ll be taking the stairs. Every time. No matter what!

  3. It is possible my husband is a living embodiment of this post.

  4. Very amusing, Phil. I have your audio book and am looking to listening to it.

  5. I can actually picture you in action with all those Elevator Etiquette rules!

  6. thebigmoneysaver

    Thanks for the Saturday morning humor. I think the dance party would be pretty hilarious. And seriously, what is it with people hitting the button 100 times? I think they really do believe it’ll make it go faster.

  7. Ha! Very funny. My ultimate nightmare is being stuck in a life with 5 strangers !!

  8. I had a job a life time ago and I had to take very pregnant women up in the elevator for a tour of the hospital. I would jump in last and face them in the crowded elevator. I once said if anyone goes into labour be prepared because it will be me gasping for breathe on the floor when the door finally opens. You will all be fine.

  9. Hahaha. I’m definitely doing the last one when I’m next in a lift. Also, coughing horrendously all over everyone always goes down well I find 👍🏻

  10. Elevator crowded when you join it at a high floor?
    Simply announce “Ahh.. an Otis 3400E, the same model as that one that plummeted to the floor and killed everyone in it last week.”
    Everyone will then leave at the next stop, leaving you with a nice amount of elevator room to yourself for the rest of the descent.

  11. Oh I am definitely going to try the spontaneous dance thing. I already push the buttons really fast and tell everyone that is with me, that doing this really does make the elevator speed up!!!

  12. I wouldn’t say I’m exactly a hater
    But all bets are off in the elevator!

  13. I used to fake a cough. Everyone gets off at the next stop. Problem resolved.

  14. Hahahah the continual button pressing totally makes it go faster. I’m going to try these out the next time I’m awkwardly squished against someone in the lift 😂

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