Olympic Sports That Shouldn’t Be

As a “guy” there are few things more enjoyable than having an afternoon free to plant yourself in the recliner and click on the tv  for an afternoon of sports viewing. The average guy is about as picky about what sports he will watch as he is about what women he will date. For a guy though there are few things more disappointing than clicking on the Olympics and finding something on that’s not a sport. We all know what I’m talking about. I would like to propose rules for what qualifies as a sport. Anything that does not qualify under my rules should be broadcast on a different network. Maybe the Game Channel or The Loser Network.

Rule #1: It’s not a sport if the participant has no idea they are competing. Examples: equestrian sports: It’s not a sport if you can wear a top hat while you’re doing it.  The animals  jumping through hoops to get some sort of treat at the end are the real athletes. Who gets the prize money and trophies?

In what universe is this a sport?

Rule #2: It’s not a sport unless there’s a final score everyone agrees upon. Current “sports” that should be ruled out: Gymnastics, synchronized swimming, diving, and any kind of figure skating. Special mention goes to rhythmic gymnastics which is just gymnastics for people who are afraid of heights.

Rule #3: It’s not a sport if you do it better when you’re high and wearing cargo shorts. This rules out skateboarding and surfing.

I’m sure those of you from Australia and other countries could probably come up with several examples of things in your country that are played as sports, but really aren’t. Of course in the U.S. we generally don’t consider it a sport unless it’s played in our country and you can gamble on it.

Enjoy your Olympics! ~Phil