Do Short People Really Got No Reason To Live?

In 1977 singer/songwriter Randy Newman kind of shocked the world with his song Short People which began with this lyric:

Short people got no reason,
Short people got no reason,
Short people got no reason,
To live

I’m not short, but I’m also not tall. I’m 5’8″. Ok, to be 100% truthful, I now measure 5’7 1/2″ or 171.5 cm. I used to be 5’8 1/2″ tall. I was 15 years old and had grown 8 inches in the previous three years. I was thinking “At this rate I’ll be 6 feet tall by the time I’m 18!” Apparently after my three year growth spurt, my body decided to put all it’s growth into my brain, I hope.

As Ryan Reynold‘s said in 1998 in the hilarious series, Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place, “Come, sit, admire my big brain!” If you watched that show, please give me a shout out in the comments. I loved that show. It was before anyone knew Ryan Reynolds.

Despite the size of my noggin, I’m still self conscious about my height. In the United States the average male is 5’10” or 178 cm. So, I’m a little on the short side. To be honest, I don’t love it.

In the country of East Timor, however, the average male height is 5’2 1/2″!!! I’d be a giant there! I’m thinking of moving there, where I could be the most successful professional wrestler in all of East Timor! If you’re wondering where East Timor is, (also called Timor-Leste) it’s an island nation about halfway between Australia’s north coast and Indonesia.

Man, that Randy Newman was a jerk. That kind of slander against short people would not be received well in 2024, would it?

Anywho, the reason that I got on this short people rant is because of clothing. In most shirts, I’m a medium. But if I buy a standard medium sized shirt, often it’s too long to wear casually untucked because they make them for 5’10” people. Thanks to the internet, I have located two stores,  Untuckit and Ash & Erie, that have websites and they make clothes that fit shorter guys perfectly, but… they charge $70-80 per shirt! What the hell? I call that discrimination. If I’m getting a shirt that’s smaller than another shirt, shouldn’t my shirt cost less because they used less material and probably one less button?  Ash & Erie and Untuckit, get your shirt together! Us slightly shorter guys have enough cultural bias to deal with. We don’t need to get ripped off on our clothing budget too. (Also, I’m open to sponsorship/advertising opportunities with you)

Short people are just the same
As you and I,
(A fool such as I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It’s a wonderful world)

Randy Newman, I’m not letting you off the hook with that one nice stanza in the middle of the song. You still went back to your biased garbage for the rest of the song.

I looked up Randy’s height. He was 6’0″. He’s 80 now and I bet my short body could kick the crap out of him. But I wouldn’t because I don’t judge people like that. Also, if you want to see the list of average human height by country click THIS LINK. And if you’re less than 5’10” tall, give me a shout in the comments. I’m betting there’s more of us than there are them and if we band together we can take over the world and make them wear ill-fitting clothes.

Thanks for reading and if you like, you can send this to a short person you know so they can join my army. ~Phil