Huey Lewis, Yes, I Need A New Drug

I wish I was as happy as everyone in a medication commercial. No matter what the disease or drug, the people in these pharmaceutical commercials are the happiest people in the world. They have more friends than I do and they’re always having get togethers and going out together.

I’m not even sure if they are real people. They might be CGI. Nobody with diabetes can be that happy. Maybe they chose people with bipolar disease who are in the midst of a manic phase. Pharma companies are evil, so they might have.

What is wrong with these people? Or should I ask what is right with them? They’ve all got chronic diseases and yet they are more energetic and enjoying life far more than I seem to be.

I don’t even know what to say about this guy in the Speedo. Apparently Bristol Myers Squib was going for normalizing the dad bod. They may have done that, but I’m not sure it’s going to sell more of their drug. If I’m watching a medication commercial and you want me to ask my doctor to prescribe your brand medication, put a guy with a six pack in there. If you imply your drug will give me six pack abs I’d ask my doc for that drug even if I didn’t need it.

Just to be clear, I’m not making fun of chronic diseases or the people that have them. I’m making fun of the people at the pharmaceutical companies that concoct these crazy commercials that make diseases and the medications look like fun.

Apparently the lady above this sentence got her skin cleared up and she gets speaking gigs now. You know what job I want? I want to be the guy at the pharma company that makes up drug names. Have you ever noticed that the drug names all sound almost like a real word but they’re not. Isn’t that called misspelling? How many drugs have gotten their name because of a typo and then someone in marketing says, “Hey! That kind of sounds like a word. That’s genius!” I imagine that everyone in the marketing department in a pharma company just leave their autocorrect turned off all the time.

What’s that old saying about a thousand monkeys with typewriters? That’s called “the infinite monkey theorem.” The infinite monkey theory says that if you put a monkey in front of a typewriter for an infinite amount of time, it could hit keys at random and eventually accidentally type the complete works of William Shakespeare. I think that’s what’s happening at pharmaceutical companies.

And if I’m William Shakespeare’s descendants,  I’m filing a defamation lawsuit over that theory. Then again, the infinite monkey theorem may explain why my blog is almost twenty years old. Keep reading and eventually I’ll come up with something good.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great weekend! ~Phil