Tag Archives: Age of Ultron

The Offenders: Age of Philtron (What’s Your Superpower?)

Avenger Phil

Last night the new Avengers movie, Age of Ultron, debuted in the United States. It got me to thinking, shocking I know, but I do it sometimes. All boys grow up hoping to have a superpower and become a superhero. Do women ever hope for the same? And if women hope to have superpowers, what kind of powers do they dream of? The new Avengers movie also got me to thinking of what might be some of the worst super powers ever.

For instance, in The Avengers there’s a character called Hawkeye. His alleged “superpower” is being really good at using a bow and arrow. Really? That’s it? Bow and arrow? That’s not a super power; that’s a kid who never stopped playing Robin Hood and defends his choice of wearing tights as a lifestyle decision.

Another character in the Avengers is Black Widow whose only super power is looking hot in a tight leather suit. For this I believe Scarlett Johansson deserves an Academy Award. (That’s an idea for a future Phil Factor, Academy Awards There Should Be. Coming to a blog near you in February 2016!)

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Or, if you’re old enough,  you remember the Superfriends show. (The link takes you to the cartoon theme song on YouTube) They had two of the worst superheros ever. Remember Aquaman? How is telepathically talking to fish a super power? For me the only way that’s a super power is if I could command scallops and crab legs to deep fry themselves and then jump on my plate.

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Remember though when the Superfriends occasionally would start adding other characters, like the Wonder Twins in the picture above? The two teenagers would put their fists together and yell, “Wonder Twin powers activate!” Then the girl would turn into any animal she chose, like a lion or a gorilla, or if she needed to fly, a hawk. I can see that being a useful superpower. But the boy, his power was to turn into any form of water. Yes, he turned into water. If a mop and a roll of paper towels is your nemesis then you’re pretty much screwed.

The superhero in that group who has the best power is Wonder Woman. She has boobs. Talk about wonder twins! Seeing as there are not a lot of female supervillains and most of the evil doers in movies, tv, and real life are guys, you cannot underestimate the power of boobs. Is the point I’m making here tasteless and obvious? Yes, but is it true? Absolutely. If a bunch of guys are robbing a bank and Wonder Woman walks in flashes her boobs and says “Drop your weapons,” they would all willingly surrender. Scratch that, she should walk in, flash her boobs and yell, “Wonder Twin powers activate!” Ladies, feel free to use that in the bedroom tonight. As long as women use that power for good instead of evil the world will be a better place.

Boys grow up dreaming of being super strong, or fast or being able to fly. Ladies, what do you grow up dreaming of? It can’t all be princesses can it?

There is one superpower that you all have, and that’s the power to make my day by sharing #ThePhilFactor by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or other social media sharing button below. Have a great weekend everyone! ~Phil