Category Archives: pop culture

Love Exciting and New… BRING BACK THE LOVE BOAT!

Come on, 70’s and 80’s kids! You know the words. Sing along with me! 🎶 Love, exciting and new! Climb aboard, we’re expecting you! 🎶 As a young, naive kid I never realized what a sexual innuendo that was. But now I do and I want more!

With Valentine’s Day being tomorrow, love is in the air and damn it, I wish it was in the sea as well. As someone whose childhood occurred in the 70’s and 80’s I have fond memories of watching the long running hit tv series The Love Boat. If you’re not overly familiar, it was obviously about a cruise ship with it’s regular crew, but the rest of the cast was different b-list celebrities each week that would play the roles of horny vacationers on a cruise trying to hook up. It was 250 episodes of 80’s corny cheesiness,  and it was good. 

Despite the fact that even before Covid, cruises were  already floating petri dishes of disease, people still love cruises and the cruise culture unlike anything else. Cruises weren’t the big thing when The Love Boat was on TV, but they are now. And that is why I’m creating this literary call to action. 

Remember all my claims of psychic abilities? Today, just out of the blue, The Love Boat popped into my head and I decided to watch an episode of it on CBS All Access during my lunch hour. After that stroll down memory lane,  I decided to write this post. Just now as I’m writing this on Thursday night, looking for pictures to use, I came across a news article about The Love Boat cast reuniting TONIGHT , live, to benefit a charitable cause. I swear on my own life that I did not see or hear anything previously, but there it is, the ghosts of Love Boat past were speaking to me. Also, in doing my research I discovered that Florence Henderson/Carol Brady was the most frequent Love Boat guest with 9 appearances. Coincidentally, if we’re playing six degrees of separation, I can be connected to Florence Henderson with only one person between us. Coincidence or fate? I think you know the answer to that. 

Artist Andy Warhol

At first it was just a whisper like a soft summer breeze through the willow trees and it said, Phil, we need you. Then I heard a ships fog horn in the distance. Then once  again Phil, we need you… When the universe speaks to me, sometimes I listen, so I replied: “Seriously, what the f*ck Rich!”  (Rich is my neighbor who sometimes talks to me through the hedge like Tim Allen’s neighbor Wilson on Home Improvement.)

1980 Tom Hanks

The voices replied, “If you build it they will come…”

And I was all like, “I don’t have a cornfield to mow down. Who is this?”

The voice said, “It’s me, Gavin McLeod, Captain Stubing. We need you Phil…”

“You need me? First of all, how are you talking to me? You can’t be a ghost if you’re not dead. Oh my God Captain Stubing! Are you dead? Did you die? Are you speaking to me from the other side?!!?”

Not Gavin Mcleod’s ghost replied, “No I’m not dead you idiot. This is 5G and my signal is fantastic. But we need you to bring back The Love Boat. 

“But I can’t bring back The Love Boat. I’m not some network big wig.”

With his signal fading Captain Stubing whispered, “You’re Phil. You can do this. And besides, I gotta go. I’ve got a booty call with Betty White. And trust me, there’s nothing like a little Betty booty….” and then he was gone

Fear not intrepid reader, I’m not going to nostalgically ramble on about a TV show from my childhood. I’m going to propose action. I want action from you and I want action from Netflix. I believe in you and I believe in me. I also believe in Netflix. Netflix brought us The Tiger King and now I want, nay demand, that Netflix bring us the king of the sea, The Love Boat. Let’s get the ball rolling by you clicking THIS LINK to go sign my petition at Change.org

Together we can do this! Use one of the buttons below to share to your social media until we get enough signatures to persuade Netflix to produce the new Love Boat! Come on! You know you want to! Share… your friends will think it’s a hoot. 

Have a great Valentine’s Day and may your love be exciting and new, just like all those Love Boat episodes! ~Phil

The Official Blog of The Super Bowl!

Because the National Football League has yet to issue a cease and desist order to me and because it’s funny I’m re-posting this classic that I wrote a few years ago.  Enjoy and Happy Sunday!

See? The Phil Factor really is the Official Blog of The Super Bowl

(01/31/15) I’m not saying that The Phil Factor is The Official Blog of The #SuperBowl, and I’m not saying it’s not. What I am saying is that I want to get a cease and desist letter from the National Football League’s lawyers.

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For those of you not from the States, or from the U.S. but you just don’t care, this weekend is the championship game of the National Football League, otherwise known as the #SuperBowl. I’m hashtagging those words, linking to their site, and making a point of using the phrase ‘Super Bowl’ because the NFL (No Phil League) literally tries to sue anyone who uses the phrase “Super Bowl” without paying them millions of dollars to do so. (I’m putting the words Super Bowl in bold print on the off chance that they’ll be more noticeable when someone from the NFL is looking at the internet.) Some networks even prohibit their announcers from saying Super Bowl out of fear of being sued by the NFL. Comedian Steven Colbert has taken to calling it the Superb Owl.

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I call bullshit. I don’t care who you are or what entity you’ve created, no one gets to own words. When I’m elected President, or #SuperBowl MVP (Most Valuable Phil), whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating “No people or corporations can own words.” It’s a stupid idea that someone can own the right to the words #SuperBowl. I’m pretty sure that the words super and bowl were around long before American football. In fact, on Downton Abbey last week Mr. Carson was bringing soup to the Earl and Countess in this big, ornate dish and the Earl said, “Why Mr. Carson! That is the most super bowl I have ever laid my eyes upon!” Downton Abbey happened a hundred years ago, so there’s your proof that someone else used the phrase first.

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What if I really do own a super bowl? You know, one of those cool ones with a picture at the bottom that you can’t see until you’ve eaten every drop. That is truly a super bowl. Or what about the people who invented the Perfect Bacon Bowl? That has got to be the superest of bowls. If there were a vote I’m pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl beats out football as the best kind of bowl. I’m also pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl people aren’t going to sue me for mentioning their product. In fact, they might even send me a free Bacon Bowl maker for mentioning it (hint, hint). Click on the video below. The song is a hilariously awesome and may sound more than a little like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

I’m also sure that the folks in the legal marijuana states of Washington and Colorado  think their bowls are pretty Super too. Is the NFL going to sue anyone there who says to their smoking buddy “Man, this is one super bowl“?

I’m not afraid to say any word I want. And by the way National Football League, what in the hell makes you so arrogant to think that you have to police the world to make sure no one uses your phrase? I would like to hereby announce that I am legally forbidding anyone from referring to themselves as the official anything of #ThePhilFactor unless I declare it. There you go National Football League. I dare you to declare your #SuperBowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. You know what though? I’m not going to sue you if you do. They’re only words. If you think my blog is so awesome that you want to affiliate yourself with it, great, but it’s going to cost you. In fact, nevermind. The title is already taken. I’m officially declaring that the Perfect Bacon Bowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. And if the Perfect Bacon Bowl people wanted to buy advertising space in my sidebar I’m not opposed to that.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor, which is the #SuperBowl of blogs, please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great #SuperBowl weekend! ~Phil

What Would Your Groundhog Day Be Like?

Spoiler alert, in case you didn’t know, TODAY is Groundhog Day. Who doesn’t love this movie? Especially since Bill Murray’s character was named Phil. Coincidence? I think not. Also, here’s another spoiler alert, today, February 2nd, 2021, I added a new question at the end of this post that I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts on.

This post was originally written for #ThePhilFactor on Feb. 2, 2006 and I now post it every year, over and over, just like Phil’s Groundhog Day in the movie.

(Feb. 2, 2006) Last week I waxed philosophic about the idiocy known as The Dr. Phil Show. This week, and today in particular it’s Punxsutawney Phil. Groundhog Day the movie: Good idea. Groundhog Day the tradition: Stupid idea. The dimwitted people of Punxsatawney, Pennsylvannia have been shoving a rodent through a hole in a tree stump for almost 200 hundred years to find out if there will be 6 more weeks of winter. Hey morons, you live in the Northeast! There’s always 6 more weeks of winter! Check the calendar! It says that Spring starts on March 21st. That’s 7 weeks from now. You don’t need a rat being spooked by his shadow to figure this one out. At this point I’m getting tired of all these wanna-be Phil’s trying to horn in on my fame. If, coincidentally, a shot were to ring out in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania today and a certain rodent were to explode in a puff of fur, I was kidding when I wrote this. No harm meant, just a joke. You’ll all be my alibi right?

Here’s the big question: If you could have one day of your life to do over and over, what day would that be and why? As always, if you enjoyed this vintage Phil Factor feel free to share it via the social media buttons below. Have a great day!  ~Phil

Good Morning! How Are You?

Seriously, good morning, happy Sunday and how are you doing? I’m trying something new. I just wanted to check in with everyone. No story or humorous opinion piece today. Let’s just check in with each other as people.

I know the pandemic is wearing thin on everyone’s patience, but in some ways I think it has also unified the world. I know that I get readers from all over the world, but often our experiences and perspectives are somewhat different because we live in different areas of the world. Different televisions shows, different music, different political climates, different daily news. We truly can’t really understand someone else’s perspective. But…the pandemic is one thing we all have in common. Everyone has experienced an impact on their lives because of the pandemic, and for most of us, it hasn’t been good. In the comments I’d like to hear how you’re holding up. Obviously I’ll tell you in my writing here, but why don’t we all read and reply to each other in the comments. Let’s offer emotional support and maybe even suggestions about how ways we’ve found to cope.

Oddly, due to a quirky situation with my job last January I had to start working from home two months before the rest of you started quarantining. Ironically, just two days before the first cases of Covid were found in a community just north of New York City, I had passed through that area while doing my job.

In May of last year I had to have my 83 year old father admitted to a memory care residence and haven’t been able to really visit him in person because of Covid. We had regular window visits until both winter and Covid hit his residence. I’m feeling some guilt that I can’t do more with him. He’s confused and frustrated about why he can’t go home, and I can’t even take him out to dinner or for a visit at my house.

My wife is not only a medical provider but she is also in active treatment for cancer, which impacts her immune system. I’m relieved however because this past week she received her second dose of the Covid vaccine. For the first nine months of the virus though it was a worry. And in the summer my son, who lives on the other side of the country had a serious ankle injury requiring surgery and I traveled to see him twice to help him out with medical appointments etc.

If you haven’t traveled during the pandemic, it’s definitely different. In the airports most of the stores and restaurants were closed or limited. None of the flights I took provided us with a real meal, only snacks. I didn’t really have any worries about increased exposure to the virus while traveling.  Everyone wore masks and the fight attendants provided us with disinfectant wipes. On only one flight were we packed in every seat like normal flights.

As if the impact of the virus wasn’t enough, in the United States, we couldn’t just do the pandemic, we had to add in seismic political upheaval. Hopefully everyone is tired of that and just decides to stay home.

So now, I’ve just started a new job, which is a very good thing, but I am expected to travel when there are customers that are willing to have me visit. I’m not worried about that or catching the virus. Honestly, I do worry a little, but only a little. I have irrational confidence in my immune system, but I do have to be realistic. I’m on the wrong side of 50 and naturally my immune system probably isn’t as strong as it was in my youth. I mask up everywhere I go and instead of the colorful and entertaining ties I used to wear, I’m going to try to find colorful and entertaining masks. My first memory association with the pandemic is the Netflix series Tiger King. How great was that? And how long ago does that seem now?

So that’s my pandemic story. What’s yours? And how are you holding up? Is there anything me or the blogging community can do to help? One thing I know that helps everyone’s spirits when we’re stressed is interaction with each other in the comments section on our blogs. Let’s try to do that a little more. As bloggers we are a unique community, so let’s pull together and look out for each other. Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

The Riveting Plot of Every Hallmark Movie

Hi everybody! Remember me? Yes, I know I’ve posted very infrequently over the past two years, but guess what? I’m back baby doll! (The first person that can tell me what TV show that last line came from,  I will happily send you either a paperback or Kindle copy of one of my books. If you can name the episode I’ll send you two! Ahem, Mrs. Phil you are not eligible for this promotion).

I’m planning on being back at least once a week. I couldn’t let one of the oldest blogs in the world just fade away. Although I am back, this post is a holiday classic that deserves to see the light of day at this time of year. But wait, there’s more! I’ve updated it a little. In the first rendition of this post I made a sexist comment implying that only women enjoy the Hallmark Christmas movies. I have since been enlightened by some of the previous comments on this post and the fact that Hallmark stepped up their game this year and added an LGBTQ friendly holiday romantic movie. Kudos to Hallmark for their move towards inclusion.

Yes, it’s that time of year. “Christmas?” you say. No, Christmas is just a secondary annoyance. To all the people born with at least one romantic bone in their body and a high tolerance for mediocre acting, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, otherwise known as Hallmark Christmas movie time! Or as Lacey Chabert, Dean Cain and Candace Cameron Bure call it, “The only time we make any money.”

Being married to one of these Hallmark movie loving people, I’ve inadvertently seen several Hallmark Christmas movies and I couldn’t help but notice that each unique Hallmark Christmas movie has the exact same plot as every other Hallmark movie. To save you from having to watch the actual movies, here’s how it goes:

Guy or gal who left home several years ago and is very successful at some high falutin’ job in a big city somewhere comes back to their Smalltown, USA hometown for Thanksgiving or a funeral. Oh no! Their family’s business is failing! What? They need to stay longer than they planned. Maybe until Christmas! I can’t believe it. What are the chances of that?!!?

Successful and attractive returning guy or gal runs into the sister or brother of a friend they knew in high school. He or she “was just a kid back then” but now they’re “all grown up” and they’ve really blossomed into a hunk or a hottie. At first they may not like each other but everyone else can see the obvious chemistry. Despite the fact that they annoy each other, they have to work together to save the business, ranch, town  or whatever. There’s always something that needs saving.

Of course it will all inevitably lead to a playful snowball fight between the two in the town square. And they both realize they like each other and they kiss.

Guess what everyone, that’s the plot of every episode of The Gilmore Girls too. You’re welcome. I’ve just saved you the trouble of watching every single Hallmark movie this year. But you know what? I know you’re going to watch them. It’s as inevitable as that moment when the returning hometown hero says that “this is where I’ve wanted to be all along” as they hug their new love and gaze at the Christmas tree.  Cue Christmas music and fade out to credits.

Have a great Sunday and thanks for sharing this post anywhere on social media! ~Phil

The 2020 Snap Judgement Oscar Awards Part 2

If you missed Part 1 of the Snap Judgement Oscar Awards yesterday just scroll down and read that first or click the link.

“Moving on to the big categories, it’s ladies first. Who wants to hear who the Best Actress is?”  There’s a round of polite applause throughout the room. “Really, that’s it? C’mon guys! Let’s hear it for the ladies!” This elicits hoots, hollers and applause. Joaquin Phoenix starts to hug Renee Zellweger a little too enthusiastically and spills his drink down her back. In the blink of an eye Gooby is on him and as I hit the garage door remote, Joaquin is dragged out screaming, “You can’t do this to me! I’m the Joker!”

“The jokes on you Joaquin,” I reply. The garage door lowers with Joaquin on the other side pounding his tiny little fists and sobbing. Of course, having done this for the previous six years, I’m unflappable. “The nominees are Cynthia Erivo, Scarlett Johansson, Saoirse Ronan, Charlize Theron, and Renee Zellweger. Some big names there along with some lesser known ladies. The winner of the 2020 Phillie Award for Best Actress is Cynthia Erivo because she’s won a Grammy and an Emmy, and having a Phillie would round out her set!”

Pic courtesy of Hollywood Reporter

“Next up is Best Actor! Since I wasn’t nominated again, yes, writing a blog is so acting. Shut up DiCaprio! How many views did your blog get this week? Yeah, I didn’t think so. I’m acting like a writer. That’s acting! Anywho, back to the awards.”

“I guess I’ll have to acknowledge that “Leo” (I did the finger quotes when I said it) earned a nod from the Academy. As did Adam Driver, Joaquin Phoenix, Antonio Banderas, and Jonathan Pryce. Obviously Joaquin has no chance because we had to drag his sorry ass out of here earlier. Adam Driver is eliminated because, well Adam, I hate to break it to you this way, but you look better in a big plastic space helmet than you did playing an actual person in that divorce movie.  So that narrows it down to Antonio Banderas and Jonathan Pryce. Jonathan, I don’t know who you are and… well, you’re asleep in your seat right now, the winner of the Phillie for the best actor is Antonio Banderas for his unappreciated work as the dad in the Spy Kids movies!” Antonio stands up, downs a shot of whiskey, throws the shot glass at the wall and strides cockily up to the podium. to collect his trophy.

Pic courtesy of Hollywood Reporter

Here’s the big one folks. Buckle up because it’s going to be a bumpy ride. The nominees for the Snap Judgement Oscar Award for Best Picture are …(I look down at the list)”Oh for cryin’ out loud! There’s nine friggin’ pictures nominated. Seriously! There were not nine movies last year that I’d spend my money on. And DiCaprio, you were in like six of them and Phoenix was in the rest! Drumroll please!…This time DiCaprio starts the drumroll on the back of the seat in front of him occupied by Charlize Theron. Then she picks it up followed by Laura Dern and one by one, everyone in the room begins the drum roll until the chanting begins, “Phillie! Phillie! Phillie!” It’s this way every year and I smile and wait a few moments until the half assed drumroll and chants start to subside.

They’re all drunk by now and if this announcement doesn’t go the right way, this room could explode. I fumble nervously  with the envelope. In the back I notice that appropriately enough, Margot Robbie is making out with Joaquin Phoenix who snuck back in past Gooby when he dozed off. Harley Quinn has again found her Joker. “Ahem…” I clear my throat to get their attention. “The Snap Judgement Oscar Award for Best Picture goes to Avengers: Endgame!” They all look at each other silently and then look back up front to me. There’s a slow build of murmuring rumbling through the room. “But since no one from that movie is here, let’s start the after party!” They all leap from their seats happily shouting and clinking classes, drowning out the protests of Scarlett Johansson who is fighting her way through the crowd towards the front.

I grab the mic for the last time, I tap it a couple times and they quiet down. “And remember, what happens in the garage,” and they all join in shouting, “stays in the garage!

Thank you for attending my soiree and I’ll see you next year. Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

The 7th Annual Snap Judgement Oscar Awards! (Part 1)

If you’re new here you may be wondering what the Snap Judgement Oscar Awards are. The Phil Factor Snap Judgement Oscar Awards, also known as The Phillies, is one of the most prestigious versions of the Oscar Awards because first of all, they’re given by me, and secondly, I host them in my garage. I haven’t seen most of the movies and I base my opinions on completely ridiculous reasons, the way you do when you pick movies to watch. So without further self-indulgent blathering, we’ll let the winners do that, let’s get on with the show!

The nominees have already finished their red carpet interviews in the driveway. Adam Driver and Antonio Banderas have already been caught by security, my friend Gooby, behind the garage shotgunning Pabst Blue Ribbons. Margot Robbie dropped her White Claw Hard Seltzer and made a run for it, only to sneak in through the back door and tried to hide in the back row with a baseball hat on. She’s fooling no one.

In my tuxedo t-shirt and ripped jeans I head for the house one last time before the ceremony. Tom Hanks is in the kitchen snorting coke off Kathy Bate’s’s bare stomach as she lays prone across my dining room table. My entrance startles them and Tom reaches for his gun, but relaxes when he sees it’s me.  “C’mon you two! The show’s about to start. Get in there!” I say as I grab a tray of Totino’s Pizza Rolls out of the oven and adjust the lights. (Phew! I’m glad I got the commercial sponsors out of the way early)

Pic courtesy of Hollywood Reporter

At the podium I can feel the electric excitement bubbling over in the room. It’s palpable. “Settle down you animals, it’s time to start the show! Who wants a Phillie?”

Applause, whistles and hoots wash over me like a tidal wave. It’s obvious that the assemblage of stars much prefer my laid-back awards show to the stuffy, uptight four hour fiasco that is The Oscars. As I’m about to start the awards I hear the pop of a champagne bottle and Joe Pesci stands up spraying the crowd with bubbly as he shouts, “F*ck the Oscars!” Laughter rolls through the garage and they hold up their glasses hoping to catch a few drops of Joe’s golden shower.

“Alright, let’s get this party started!” I shout into the mic. Here are our nominees for Best Supporting Actress: Laura Dern, Scarlett Johansson, Florence Pugh, Margot Robbie, and Kathy Bates! Scarlett, despite being a 2016 Snap Judgement Oscar winner you’re out, as is Laura Dern and Kathy Bates. Why? Your names are easy to spell and pronounce. Florence Pugh and Margot Robbie, however, have overcome the life long adversity of having to constantly correct people about the spelling or pronunciation of their names. And the winner is…(I improvise my own drumroll on the podium with my hands)… MarGot Robbie! And by the way, it’s Philip with one L, not two. Get it right next time Scarlett!”

Pic courtesy of Hollywood Reporter

“Moving on, let’s get to  Best Supporting Actor. This year the category has a star studded lineup of outstanding actors. Tom Hanks, Al Pacino, Brad Pitt, Joe Pesci, and Anthony Hopkins. Brad, I’m sorry, but you’re ruled out because you can’t make up your mind on Jen. What the f*ck is wrong with you? She’s America’s sweetheart for cripes sake!” Brad laughs and gives me the finger. “Tom Hanks, you’re out because I’m still waiting for the Bosom Buddies movie. Al Pacino? Puh-leeze! you lost me when you pulled the “Hoo hah!” nonsense in that movie twenty years ago. That brings us to Anthony Hopkins and Joe Pesci. The winner is…Anthony Hopkins because his real given name is Philip (with one L) Anthony Hopkins! Got to give props to Philip Hopkins. Yes, it’s true. Go look it up.”

This is always one of my longer posts, but I don’t want this to be as long as the actual Oscars ceremony. Come back tomorrow morning for Part 2 which will include Best Actor, Best Actress as well as Best Picture. Have a great Saturday! ~Philip

#Phil2020

The Official Blog of The Super Bowl!

Because the National Football League has yet to issue a cease and desist order to me and because it’s funny I’m re-posting this classic that I wrote last year.

I’m not saying that The Phil Factor is The Official Blog of The #SuperBowl, and I’m not saying it’s not. What I am saying is that I want to get a cease and desist letter from the National Football League’s lawyers.

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For those of you not from the States, or from the U.S. but you just don’t care, this weekend is the championship game of the National Football League, otherwise known as the #SuperBowl. I’m hashtagging those words, linking to their site, and making a point of using the phrase ‘Super Bowl’ because the NFL (No Phil League) literally tries to sue anyone who uses the phrase “Super Bowl” without paying them millions of dollars to do so. (I’m putting the words Super Bowl in bold print on the off chance that they’ll be more noticeable when someone from the NFL is looking at the internet.) Some networks even prohibit their announcers from saying Super Bowl out of fear of being sued by the NFL. Comedian Steven Colbert has taken to calling it the Superb Owl.

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I call bullshit. I don’t care who you are or what entity you’ve created, no one gets to own words. When I’m elected President, or #SuperBowl MVP (Most Valuable Phil), whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating “No people or corporations can own words.” It’s a stupid idea that someone can own the right to the words #SuperBowl. I’m pretty sure that the words super and bowl were around long before American football. In fact, on Downton Abbey last week Mr. Carson was bringing soup to the Earl and Countess in this big, ornate dish and the Earl said, “Why Mr. Carson! That is the most super bowl I have ever laid my eyes upon!” Downton Abbey happened a hundred years ago, so there’s your proof that someone else used the phrase first.

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What if I really do own a super bowl? You know, one of those cool ones with a picture at the bottom that you can’t see until you’ve eaten every drop. That is truly a super bowl. Or what about the people who invented the Perfect Bacon Bowl? That has got to be the superest of bowls. If there were a vote I’m pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl beats out football as the best kind of bowl. I’m also pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl people aren’t going to sue me for mentioning their product. In fact, they might even send me a free Bacon Bowl maker for mentioning it (hint, hint). Click on the video below. The song is a hilariously awesome and may sound more than a little like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

I’m also sure that the folks in the legal marijuana states of Washington and Colorado  think their bowls are pretty Super too. Is the NFL going to sue anyone there who says to their smoking buddy “Man, this is one super bowl“?

I’m not afraid to say any word I want. And by the way National Football League, what in the hell makes you so arrogant to think that you have to police the world to make sure no one uses your phrase? I would like to hereby announce that I am legally forbidding anyone from referring to themselves as the official anything of #ThePhilFactor unless I declare it. There you go National Football League. I dare you to declare your #SuperBowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. You know what though? I’m not going to sue you if you do. They’re only words. If you think my blog is so awesome that you want to affiliate yourself with it, great, but it’s going to cost you. In fact, nevermind. The title is already taken. I’m officially declaring that the Perfect Bacon Bowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. And if the Perfect Bacon Bowl people wanted to buy advertising space in my sidebar I’m not opposed to that.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor, which is the #SuperBowl of blogs, please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great #SuperBowl weekend! ~Phil

The People At Your Super Bowl Party

We may be going to different Super Bowl parties this weekend, but a lot of the people at our parties will be eerily similar and equally irritating. Read on and see if you can identify these folks at your party this Sunday. If you can’t, you’re probably one of them.

The Gambler: He may know when to hold’em but he doesn’t know when to fold’em or when to shut up. This guy always wants you to know the “over/under” and how much he’s got riding on the game. And he spends most of the game fuming and stomping around every time an officials “b.s.” call threatens to upset the point spread he wants. He usually has a “prop bet” on the coin toss too. Unfortunately if the game doesn’t go his way The Gambler turns into The Belligerent Drunk. That is unless the black lab covers the spread in his bet on The Puppy Bowl.

toshcc.com

toshcc.com

The Referee: This tool has to explain every official ruling on the field as if he’s calculating a quadratic equation. He’ll usually say something like: “Well that was an illegal formation because the half-caff flanker position moved from a three point stance to a two point stance without waiting for a pause in the snap count while the rigamarole motion was ad infinitum. Now normally the refs would let that go but because of the down and distance and clock situation they were forced to call it.” Yeah thanks coach, I can’t imagine why you don’t win your fantasy football league every year.

The Commercial Lover: I hate to stereotype, but this is usually a woman. We all know her. She has no clue about what teams are in the game and often thinks that one teams “costumes are pretty.”  She usually says, “Oh I love the Super Bowl because of the commercials. I heard this year that Doritos and Coca Cola combined  for a commercial where The Pope break dances with a 3-D video of Michael Jackson. Oh wait, wait, wait, QUIET EVERYBODY, I think this is it. SHHHHH…I want to see this one. Did you see that? That was so funny! Oh my god! BEST Super Bowl commercial EVER!” Usually I’m secretly rooting for the drunk, belligerent gambler to spill his beer on her.

joyreactor.com

joyreactor.com

Team Jersey Guy: This guy arrives at the party first and only brings a bag of chips. He grabs a beer and immediately plants his un-athletic physique in the recliner directly across from the television an hour before kick off and won’t leave that seat until the game is over. If you’re the homeowner you might as well just haul that chair out to the curb after the game. You won’t want to keep it.  He doesn’t even get up to get another beer. “Oh, hey, if you’re going out to the kitchen could you grab me a brewski?” Once he’s settled in he’s almost as bad as The Gambler. Team Jersey Guy is also the pleasant guy who tries to wave your children out of the way if they walk in front of the t.v. during the game and you swear his head will explode if one of the kids even mentions switching the channel to The Puppy Bowl.

Contributions From the Peanut Gallery: Because I got several great suggestions in the comments when I posted this last year, I’m going to add them here and credit their contributors.

The Phone Clutcher:  Every party has a pooper– and he or she is usually that person whose gaze is on his or her smart phone, more often than it is upon the TV screen. They get noticeably antsy when told to put their phones down, and often can be found in dusty corners hugging the only thing they care about in the room. Why they go to these parties, I have never figured out. This spot on contribution came for Ally of The Spectacled Bean. Go visit her blog. She’s always interesting.

The Grazers: The grazers are the guys who don’t talk or interact with the rest. They just keep filling their plate and wandering around the house with no reason to be there other than the food. This great one is from John Howell of Fiction Favorites. Go visit John, he’s always got some great writing going on.

The Hater: The person who comes for the “party” and doesn’t care about the game, and proceeds to complain about the game the whole time. They’re always trying to get someone to play cards with them or something. This one is from Dr. Meg Sorick who still believes the Steelers got gypped. Her blog deserves a visit because she writes better than she dresses.

If you have any other suggestions for Super Bowl party people please add them in the comments. This list will evolve every year based on your suggestions. Even my friends from other countries can play! Feel free to add suggestions from your experience at football parties of your own.

This year be sure to look for The Phil Factor commercial during the halftime show. If you miss that, feel free to share this to other social media using the buttons below. Have a great weekend! ~ Phil

What Would Your Groundhog Day be like?

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Spoiler alert, in case you didn’t know, Sunday is Groundhog Day. Who doesn’t love this movie? Especially since Bill Murray’s character was named Phil. Coincidence? I think not. Also, here’s another spoiler alert, today, February 1st, 2020, I added a new question at the end of this post that I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts on.

This post was originally written for #ThePhilFactor on Feb. 2, 2006 and I now post it every year, over and over, just like Phil’s Groundhog Day in the movie.

(Feb. 2, 2006) Last week I waxed philosophic about the idiocy known as The Dr. Phil Show. This week, and today in particular it’s Punxsutawney Phil. Groundhog Day the movie: Good idea. Groundhog Day the tradition: Stupid idea. The dimwitted people of Punxsatawney, Pennsylvannia have been shoving a rodent through a hole in a tree stump for almost 200 hundred years to find out if there will be 6 more weeks of winter. Hey morons, you live in the Northeast! There’s always 6 more weeks of winter! Check the calendar! It says that Spring starts on March 21st. That’s 7 weeks from now. You don’t need a rat being spooked by his shadow to figure this one out. At this point I’m getting tired of all these wanna-be Phil’s trying to horn in on my fame. If, coincidentally, a shot were to ring out in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania today and a certain rodent were to explode in a puff of fur, I was kidding when I wrote this. No harm meant, just a joke. You’ll all be my alibi right?

I’m curious, if you could have one day of your life to do over until you get it right, what day would that be and why? As always, if you enjoyed this vintage Phil Factor feel free to share it via the social media buttons below. Have a great Friday!  ~Phil