Category Archives: pop culture

Fifty Shades of…

I am absolutely outraged! Just because I’m a small time author, some big movie company thinks they can steal my title, change a word and pretend it’s their idea. My Fifty Shades of Phil book came out in June 2013, before all the Fifty Shades movies, so obviously I had the idea first. I’m considering legal action.

Because of this weeks movie opening of Fifty Shades Freed I thought I’d capitalize on all the people searching the web for info using the phrase #FiftyShades by putting my book on sale Many people may visit my site here from their smartphones and never see the link in the sidebar for my book Fifty Shades of Phil. I could tell you about the book that contains the best 50 humor essays from the first 8 years of #ThePhilFactor, but I won’t. I’ll let the reviewers do it for me:

Hilariously Funny! ~Narly Nuts Book Lovers: Phil takes us on a HILARIOUS ride of HUMOR and TRUTH! He says all the things we know to be true, but most of us likely don’t say out loud. We think it and know how we feel about the different topics. Yes, some of it is ego-centric and down right blunt, but what fun would it be if Phil wasn’t putting his spin on it.
All in all, this is a book I will recommend for laughs, wit and Phil’s oh so subtle charm. When Phil is elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, I WILL VOTE PHIL, whichever comes first.:)

Author Sean Smithson (How to Lose a Girl in 10 Ways): “Perfect read for any commute. …snappy and entertaining reading. Perfect for a very recent and uncomfortable long haul flight. Definitely do not regret picking this up.”

Now for contrast, here is an excerpt of a review of Fifty Shades Darker from USA Today: There are a lot of negative things to be said about Fifty Shades. But it does impress in one sense: The erotica lite sequel somehow manages to be worse than the stupefyingly bad Fifty Shades of Grey.”

To celebrate the movie #FiftyShadesFreed this week, I’ve put my book on sale for just $2.99 for Kindle, Nook, or in the iTunes bookstore.  I’m not sure what it is in Euro’s or GBP but you can still find it in the Amazon bookstore in every country in the world and they’ll tell you how much it is.  What? You don’t have a Kindle or Nook? You don’t need one! You can download the free Kindle or Nook app to your iPad or smartphone and then download Fifty Shades of Phil. For $2.99 you can’t go wrong. If you can read the entire thing without laughing I’ll refund your money. If you go to Fifty Shades Freed and you hate it, I doubt they’ll give you the same offer.

Have a great Friday! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

Top Ten Tuesday! Top Ten Rejected Candy Heart Sayings

You know those chalky candy hearts that for the better part of a century have been shared on Valentine’s Day? They’re so cute with their little candy inscriptions of “I love you” or “Hugs” or other nonsense. I imagine though that there were some ideas that didn’t make it.

10. It’s not you, it’s me

9. Not a cold sore

8. Maybe Next Time

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7. Better late than never

6. It’s eczema. Yes, there.  I swear.

5. The Phil Factor

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4. My last test was clean

3. You paying for dinner?

2. Almost divorced

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1. It’s not yours!

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! One of the things I’m in love with is comments. What are your funny ideas for rejected candy hearts sayings?

Have a great day, Valentine’s or otherwise! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Superheroes

Photo by Edy Hardjo & featured on DigitalSynopsis.com

Lately it seems that every month there’s a new blockbuster super hero movie coming out. That got me to thinking, what if the superheroes were just a little bit different…

1. Wonder Bread Woman: She makes one heck of a PB&J. She leaves a plate of them out and hopes the villains get hungry.

Aquaman is property of DC Comics

2. AquaNet Man: He has a beautiful head of hair and knows what to do with it.

3. Super Pooper Man: He knocks out bad guys with lactose intolerance induced flatulence. A glass of milk is his kryptonite.

4. Spider Veins Man: He always wears short shorts but probably shouldn’t. His legs look so bad the criminals surrender out of sympathy.

5. Captain ‘Murica: He’s a redneck that chases villains in his car crushing monster truck. He just rolls down the window and throws Bud Light cans at them.

6. Iron Man: He really should be Ironic Man because his name is ironic. He’s called iron man because he’s anemic and has to take iron supplements all day. He tires quickly. The criminals keep running until he wears down and has to quit.

7. Green Lantern: It’s actually just an eleven year old kid with one of those plastic light sabers that lights up green and makes that cool noise when you swing it around. He tries to entertain the bad guys until the cops show up.

Picture courtesy of despair.com

8. The Flash-er: He just opens his trench coat and hopes the bad guys are so surprised that they stop what they’re doing. There’s also warrants for his arrest in seven states and he’s not allowed within 500 feet of schools.

9. The Invisible Woman: She has cyber relationships with lots of guys but nobody has ever met her. It’s probably just a creepy old dude.

10.  Green Arrow: Let me get this straight, his super power is being really good at archery? Back in school the archery team was for the people that weren’t athletic enough to make the bowling team. You know the saying, don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. Don’t bring an arrow either. Someone will shoot you. With a bullet.

Have a super Tuesday! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

The Great Nutella War of 2018

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there ~Rodney Atkins

I  haven’t been to hell, but I’ve been to France once, for just eight hours. It was Paris. I can’t really elaborate more. We were given a job to do, we did it and got out before they knew we had been there.

It’s a good thing I got out in time. I’m not saying that I went to France to smuggle Nutella out of the country, but I’m not saying I didn’t either. Like I said, it was good that I got out because on Friday a French supermarket chain, Intermarche, put Nutella on sale. Awesome, right? Who doesn’t love Nutella? Apparently, those of us who think we love Nutella don’t love Nutella the way the French love Nutella. They love it so much that it hurts. Their love of Nutella doesn’t hurt themselves, but occasionally, if it’s on sale, their love of Nutella hurts other people.  (See how all the Nutella’s are hyperlinked? Each one is linked to the Nutella website for a different country)

Apparently the French went full on Black Friday over a Nutella sale. Police had to break up fights in one supermarket. One customer had a black eye, one woman had her hair pulled, another was hit in the head with a box and another customer had a bloody hand. And it wasn’t just one supermarket. This occurred all over the country.

France, which is infamously not good at fighting wars, seems to have found their passion. If I need to hire a team of mercenaries to fight terrorists, I’m hiring a bunch of French people and telling them that the terrorists have all the Nutella.

Here’s a new ad slogan: Nutella! Because you can’t punch someone without just cause!

Here is my list of things for which I would go ‘French Nutella beserker’ for:

Cheez-ItsThis is my drug of choice. If at some time it’s discovered that the chemical responsible for Cheez-Its orange color is poisonous and they’re being taken off store shelves, I drop what I’m doing, empty my bank account and immediately drive the nearest store to buy all the Cheez-Its.”Cheez-Its! The official snack cracker of The Phil Factor!” I like the sound of that. Cheez-It people get at me.

Girl Scout cookiesThese sweet treats are incredibly satisfying and because they’re sweet they balance out the salty from my Cheez-Its. I can switch back and forth between the two for a balanced diet. As always, I’m open to sponsorship opportunities. Girl Scouts get at me! Kidding. Not the actual Girl Scouts, but maybe their cute moms. Kidding! I’m married. Just bring me the cookies. Those are more attractive to me than women at this point in my life.

So, what things do you like so much that you’d go “French Nutella berserker” about? Put yours in the comments! Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

President Oprah & V.P. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson?

photo from menshealth.com

Could it happen? Oprah as President with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the second in command? It sounds ridiculous, but it’s not as far fetched as it may seem, and it may not be a bad thing.

First get over the fact that I, as a psychic soothsayer, predicted Oprah as President in this post from 2011 and three weeks ago predicted Dwayne Johnson would run for a Florida senate seat in 2018 in my psychic predictions for 2018 . (Also, this just came to me, a new addition to my 2018 psychic predictions: Meghan Markle, the new Duchess of Something or Other, will get pregnant. It may be announced late in 2018 or early in 2019.)

Some people are up in arms about another TV personality running for public office. Many people are thinking, “Why do we need another ego-driven, no political experience,  blowhard in office?”

Guess what? I think that’s exactly what we need in office.  I lived through it once already and it wasn’t so bad. When I was a kid, Ronald Reagan was elected President of the United States. And guess what? Back then everybody felt pretty good about it. I think we all felt pretty good about it specifically because he had been an actor! We didn’t think to ourselves, “Oh great a B-list actor from the 1950’s is our President!” What I believe we liked was his ability to appear Presidential and speak in a very Presidential manner. He acted like a President. His State of the Union addresses seemed like it was your grandfather sitting the country on his knee and telling you that no matter how many nuclear weapons the Russians had you should just have your milk and cookies and go to bed because he was going to make everything alright.

Ronald Reagan may have been a pioneer, as far as politics go, when he first was elected to public office, but he certainly wasn’t the last:

Four terms as Congressman

California Governor 8 years

Former Governor of Minnesota

He played a District Attorney on Law & Order while he was a Senator!

See? Some Hollywood types have successfully segued into the political arena without doing permanent harm to the country’s collective psyche. And, admit it, there have even been times that you’ve thought to yourself that you could be a better leader of the country than whoever was in charge. You imagine yourself filling your cabinet with the wisest, most experienced minds in the land, and you would hear and consider their counsel before making wise decisions.

Don’t you want someone running our country who might just take that approach and give kick ass speeches that make us feel good? I do. That’s why I’m running for President in 2020 against any and all Hollywood types that choose to show up. If a goofy old actor or exaggerated real estate salesman can be President, why can’t a psychic humor blogger? A psychic President would be great. If I knew what was going to happen in the future I could make all the right decisions!  #Phil2020 <== Go ahead, click that, you know you want to!

Have a great Saturday! I’ll see you on the campaign trail! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! The United States of Oprah

I hate to be a know it all. OK, no I don’t hate to be a know-it-all, but when you’re psychic, sometimes you know all sorts of things. I know most of you think I’m just kidding about being psychic, but when I keep getting stuff right, it’s hard to deny the truth.

Last Sunday at The Golden Globe Awards, when talk show host Oprah Winfrey accepted the Cecil B. de Mille award (yeah, Oprah Winfrey needs awards like we need more Weight Watcher commercials about fake taco parties at her house) she gave an impassioned speech about women fighting sexual harassment and abuse. Her speech was so impressive that people are talking about her being elected President in 2020. When asked if she’d thought about it, she acknowledged that she’s thinking about running.

This is where I come in, or rather where I came in in October of 2011 when I wrote this post in which I suggested that Oprah could become President of the United States. The following is that post in it’s entirety:

Scary, isn’t it?

(Oct. 11, 2011) Oprah has a new t.v. show starting next week. And it’s on every freaking night. Is it just me, or did everyone else think to themselves, “Oh my God! I thought we just got rid of her. What the hell else can she possibly have to say?”

Oprah Winfrey is arguably the most famous person in America. Oprah Winfrey could probably buy Switzerland and have enough money left over to order a pizza. If George W. Bush likes a book, it’s probably by Dr. Suess. If Oprah Winfrey likes a book it becomes a bestseller. (I sure hope she likes my blog) If you help Oprah lay off the carbs for a few weeks, you can get your own t.v. show and become a pop culture icon.

If Hollywood ever decides to update the ancient fable of King Midas as a movie they could just substitute Oprah’s life story. Why she doesn’t just ride to her public appearances in a Popemobile is beyond me. Was this paragraph redundant? Absolutely. Was it superfluous? I think not.

You get the point. Oprah is big, and not in the way she used to be. Her popularity has reached heights that few celebrities ever have known. Barack Obama can only dream of a public consensus like that. My question is, what’s stopping Oprah from running for the presidency? If the population is, as they say, 52% women, how could she be stopped? Scary thought huh? Then again, I might not be opposed to Oprah as President. Think about it…with her money she could bail out the U.S. economy without batting an eyelash. And can you imagine the State of the Union address when she says, “To help stimulate the economy…(dramatic pause)…everyone in the United States gets a new car! You get a car! You get a car! You get a car!” In fact, I hope Oprah does become President because that would mean we would probably see her on t.v. a lot less. (End of 2011 post)

That’s it. In 2011 I envisioned a world where Oprah becomes President. You can just call me Philstradamus from now on. Practice saying it. Phil-stra-daa-mus.  It will roll off the tongue after a few tries.

Have a great Thursday! I know you will 😉  ~Phil

2018 Predictions From a Legit Psychic!

That’s me in the crystal ball. I’m not the lady.

Four years ago when I started my psychic predictions posts, it was just for fun. Then a funny thing happened, I got some right. Startingly, unerringly, spot on right. So I did it again the following year, and a year later I got some more exactly right. Let’s not get crazy. I’m not getting everything I predict exactly right. But I’m getting enough right that it’s possible I’ve got a little bit of psychic stuff in my big ‘ol noggin. So, back by popular demand, here are my predictions for the year of 2018!

Prediction 1: Look, it’s wonderful that we’re all swept up in Royal-mania with the announcement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s engagement, but don’t get carried away. There are other Royals To Remember in 2018. I just made up the phrase Royals to Remember. (I, Phil Taylor, on 12/29/17, hereby copyright the phrase “Royals to Remember” for all eternity.)  OK, back to the prediction, and this one’s a crazy one, so buckle up buttercup. Remember a year ago when I predicted that Princess Kate would get pregnant a third time? Nailed it. Well, Harry and Meghan are scheduled to get married in May of 2018. Kate’s due date is in April 2018. Unfortunately Queen Elizabeth will have a health crisis in March. Fearing the worst, Harry and Meghan move their nuptials up by two months so the Queen Mum can see them married. In the most incredible coincidence of all time, Kate goes into premature labor and gives birth on the same day in March that the wedding occurs. Hours after both events on the same day, Queen Elizabeth will pass away.

This is not me, but I’m considering the hairdo

Prediction 2: I will interview psychic Gary Spivey for The Phil Factor. Of course he already knows this and so do I. In fact we both knew it months ago.

Prediction 3: The Earth will not end. A lot of psychics like to make headlines by predicting the end of the world. Not me. I’m going out on a limb and predicting that the world will still be here in a year. In 2009 I made my first Earth saving prediction and it was borne true in December of 2012. Remember when everybody believed that because the ancient Mayan calendar ended in December 2012 that the world end then? Read this post I wrote in 2009 and scheduled to post in 2012. I’m feeling just as solid about 2018, but that’s not to say that there may not been a close call or two coming up…

Prediction 4: You had to know that something about this guy was coming up. Donald Trump, after nearly causing war with North Korea, resigns from the presidency amidst both impeachment and other legal charges brought against him from the private sector.

Prediction 5: Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? It just might be a run for the U.S. Senate. In January of 2018 Dwayne “The Rock” Sexiest Man Alive Johnson will announce his intention to run for the U.S. Senate seat in Florida.

Prediction 6: The Church of Scientology comes apart. Amidst massive celebrity defections and legal tax fraud charges, the church’s leaders disappear leaving the multi-billion dollar coffers empty. Feeling lost, Tom Cruise starts his own religion and the hymns at church functions are the theme songs from all of his movies. (Read the next part to Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock and Roll and imagine Tom Cruise at a podium in Ray Ban sunglasses) “Just put those old religions on the shelf. I’ll make up a new one myself. Today’s Gods ain’t got the same soul. Just follow me, I’m as dumb as a troll.” 

That’s it. What do you think? Am I off my rocker? Feel free to share on social media by hitting one of the buttons below. Have a great Saturday! (I know you will) ~Phil