Category Archives: pop culture

Ten Reasons To Hate The Holidays!

You’re a mean one Mister Grinch. You really are a heel. You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mister Grinch. You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

Yup, that’s me; King of sarcasm and hater of all things jolly. I’m not saying that there aren’t things to love about the holidays. There are plenty, but c’mon everybody, if we’re truly being honest with ourselves, there are a lot of things to hate about the holidays. Here’s my top ten, and in the spirit of a gift that keeps on giving, I’m hoping I’ll mention one or two things you haven’t noticed before and from this day forward you won’t be able to not notice them.

10. Candy canes: They’re sticky. That’s pretty much it. I like the minty flavor, but I can get that in a York Peppermint Patty without my lips, tongue and hands covered in a gross, viscous substance. And they make too many! Has anyone ever eaten all the candy canes they purchase each year? There must be landfills just overflowing with candy canes. If we could make fossil fuel out of leftover candy canes the world would be a better place.

9. The Nog Shortage: All holiday season everything is nog this and nog that. It’s hard to find a beverage that doesn’t offer a nog flavored option. (kind of like the Fall pumpkin spice influx) But, if you like nog you’re screwed about 8 weeks later. Apparently nog is such a rare and valuable commodity that it can only be offered for a limited time. I’m going to get rich by drilling a nog well in my backyard and then selling my nog at outrageous prices. I will also have a Nog Blog.

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8.  Holiday movies set in southern California: I hate them because the people in them always look so happy to go outside and hang lights on their palm trees. Jerks. They’re just flaunting their warm weather and lack of snow. If you want a holiday movie to make me happy, how about one where a bunch of So-Cal people are stranded in an avalanche in the Himalayas and they have to eat each other to survive.

iStockphoto.com/KonArt

iStockphoto.com/KonArt

7. More traffic: This one’s pretty obvious, but for cripes sake you idiots! Haven’t you heard of the internet? I don’t care how much I love someone, nobody is worth going to the mall for from now until mid-January.

6. Lazy Hollywood folksAll our regular shows go on hiatus and show re-runs for 8 weeks. Seriously? You people make billions off these shows and you only make 10 to 20 episodes a year? That’s only five and a half months of work! When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating that every television program is required to produce a holiday special and one other original episode during the months of December and January.

Trust me, I’m not going to Louis Vuitton ever

5.  Lines in every store ALL the time: Yes, this one’s pretty obvious. It’s just a good thing no one sells handguns as an impulse buy item at the checkouts. Then again, I don’t live in the south, they probably do there.

4. FrozenI don’t even have a young Disney Princess obsessed daughter and I’m sick and tired of this stupid movie. I’m sick of the songs and the pictures everywhere. I’ve never seen it and I don’t know what it’s about, but enough already! It’s just another Disney movie where the parents are dead right? I challenge Disney to make some movies where they don’t kill parents as a cheap emotional hook at the beginning.

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3.  Commercials: I’ve never walked out to my driveway or garage to find a car with a bow on it. I’ve seen some version of this commercial since I was a kid, completely setting me up with unrealistic expectations.  Look, Bill Gates, I know you and your wife donate millions to charitable causes, just once could you skip a few mosquito nets and vaccines and have a Lexus delivered to my driveway?

2. Religious differences: It’s hard to believe, but not every religion has their most important, most exciting holiday in December. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m passing a law stating that all religions have to have their biggest holiday at the same time so we can easily sort out the school schedules, sales, and work vacations, Makes sense doesn’t it? And just to show that I’m not Christianity-centric, let’s do it in July in the northern hemisphere and December in the southern hemisphere. That way no one has to deal with snow when traveling to see the relatives in the snow, unless you’re stupid enough to live where there’s always snow.

1. Santa Claus: And you thought they’re milking the Batman and Spider-Man characters for all their worth? St. Nick hasn’t changed in centuries! Jeez, get that guy a cape and some superpowers. How awesome would that be if he had a nemesis that was out trying to stop him from delivering presents. God has the devil, Batman has the Joker, why can’t Santa have a nemesis?

Please put your holiday pet peeves in the comments. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor don’t be a Grinch and share it by hitting the Facebook button below. Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

More Chucky? Ugh.

Really USA and SYFY network? It took two networks working together to come up with the worst idea I’ve seen in years. Of course I’ve thought that every time in the last 35 years when each new incarnation of Chucky came out. There has been over 20 Chucky movies/shows etc. Is it really that good?

I’ll admit that in 1988 when the first movie came out, it was a good scary premise to have a possessed murderous doll. But seriously, wouldn’t something like that makes the news? After that first incident, wouldn’t everyone in the country be on the look out for ugly murderous dolls? And, he is the absolute ugliest doll ever. What kid would ever want that? And if any parent ever bought their kid a doll that ugly they deserve to be reported to child safety services.

Seriously? An ugly murderous doll had a kid? What other doll would sleep with that hideous raggedy ball of yarn? Not to mention, how does that even work biologically? Did someone knit some doll sperm?

Chucky Season 3
Syfy/USA/Peacock

So now, you’re telling me that an ugly, demented My Buddy doll from the 80’s has been allowed into the White House? Well, I guess if Trump could get in, why not Chucky? This series really, really stretches the suspension of disbelief needed to make this premise work. Not to mention how badly that makes the Secret Service look! 35 years of murdering and they just let this maniacal troll doll walk into the White House?

Thirty years ago didn’t we all vow not to let our dolls have steak knives? How does he keep getting knives? And seriously, not once in the last thirty years could anyone throw this little freak into a wood chipper? It’s sh*t like this that happens when the writers go on strike.

Sorry about the salty language. I just really hate a weak premise. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Ten Ways People Ruin Halloween

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. If I wasn’t a full grown adult I’d dress up and go Trick or Treating. I do have some pet peeves though about people who don’t share my love of this holiday.

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10. “Fun Size” candy: There is nothing fun about a candy bar so small that it wouldn’t give a sugar rush to a hummingbird. For cripes sake! It’s once a year, you can splurge for the full size.

9. Turning Out Your Lights: Are you the house that turns out your lights and hides in a back room pretending you’re not home? We hate you and you deserve to have your house egged.

8. Making it about religion: Lighten up Francis! (If you know what movie that quote came from put your answer in the comments) The kids aren’t worshiping Satan, they’re worshiping a sugar buzz. Once someone in my neighborhood was handing out popcorn balls with religious notes attached to them. If I knew who it was I’d have called the police.

This isn’t me, but I wish it was

7. Handing out popcorn balls or apples or pencils or McDonald’s coupons. When I was a kid we were told never to take the apples because there might be a razor blade in them. Now the health food nuts are giving them out like candy.

6. Not having Halloween in your neighborhood: I hate when groups of parents decide they’ll have a neighborhood party or that the kids will trick or treat at the local shopping mall. Geez! How did these people grow up and at what age did the demon suck out their souls? Theirs are the kids who will rebel later and get arrested for egging houses or putting flaming bags of poop on someone’s front porch.

5. Not allowing re-visits: If a kid has the endurance and initiative to make a second lap around the neighborhood, more power to them! They’re getting exercise. If they have a different costume second time around I give bonus candy.

This is me on my way to work two weeks from now

4. Adults who don’t dress up: If you don’t wear something Halloweeny to work or refuse to answer your door for the kids tonight then just click out of this page, close your browser and don’t ever come back.

3. Women who think men don’t respect the sexy Halloween costumes: Memo to ladies: Men hate cutesy couples costumes. Let us be Batman or an Army guy and you can be the Sexy Nurse, Sexy Zombie, Sexy Football Player, Slutty Pumpkin. (Btw, if you get the Slutty Pumpkin reference put it in the comments) Whatever. We don’t care. Just dress up and let your inner sexy self out.

2. People who don’t decorate their house: I want to start a neighborhood where over the top Halloween decorating is mandatory. If you don’t, you have to move out immediately or the rest of the neighbors will egg and toilet paper your house every day until next Halloween.

1. The fixed Oct. 31st date: When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that Halloween will occur on the last Saturday of September regardless of the date. In September so there’s better weather for the kids to go out and on the last Saturday so we can all have parties, the kids can stay up late and we can all relax, sleep in and take down our decorations the next day.

As always if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please feel free to share. Have a great Sunday!~Phil

Ten Reasons Taylor Swift is Dating Travis Kelce Instead of Me

Pic courtesy of Glamour magazine, which I obviously have a subscription to.

Dear Travis Kelce,

(First, for my readers from other countries, Travis Kelce is a very good American football player) So anyway, Travis, you’re going to have to take this hit and date Taylor Swift. A month ago on your podcast, you mentioned that you wanted to give Taylor Swift a friendship bracelet with your phone number on it. Ugh, c’mon Travis! A friendship bracelet? Geez, how cringey is that?  Off the field, you seriously got no game. Fortunately for you, I won’t date Taylor Swift, so she’s all yours if she’ll have you.

Pic “courtesy” of The New York Times and Google.

This past weekend Taylor Swift went to Travis Kelce’s football game in Kansas City, Missouri. That single event nearly broke the internet. But it definitely did not break my heart, and here’s ten reasons why….

10. Believe it or not, my name isn’t Phil Factor. I’m Phil Taylor. If Taylor Swift married me and took my name, her name would be Taylor Taylor and that’s just ridiculous. But, if she took my first name as her married surname, her name would be Taylor Phil. I might consider letting her do that. It would be great fun at party introductions. “Hi, I’m Phil Taylor and this is my wife Taylor Phil.”

9. If she and I broke up she’d write songs about it and I’d write blogs about it. Does the world really need that?

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8. The relationship would never work. She’d be jealous and insecure about my success. It would probably destroy her.

7. Mrs. Phil would probably kick both our asses , resulting in a lengthy and highly public trial, and I can’t go through that again.

6. Because of their well publicized feud over me, if I dated Taylor Swift I’d never get a shot with Katy Perry. (pause) Or would I?

Taylor & Katy in better times before they began fighting over me Taylor & Katy in better times before they began fighting over me

5. She’s too tall. At 5’11’, she’s taller than me, and well… there’s all sorts of ways that would be awkward. Like at red carpet events for instance: “Hi Taylor. Melissa Rivers here from E! network. Oh wait, stop the camera. Why is your chauffeur still with you?”

4. I don’t want to get stuck supporting that one hit wonder in her old age when she’s lost her marginal good looks and blown all the money she made from that one song that did ok.

3. She’s attractive and all, but she’s no Kylie Minogue. A little blatant pandering to my U.K. and Australian friends who’ve read this far. If you did, give me a quick shout out in the comments so I know that reference wasn’t in vain)

Kylie dailytelegraph.com.au Kylie     dailytelegraph.com.au

2.   I’m a pretty forgiving guy, but not once has Taylor’s agent called me and asked if she could be interviewed on #ThePhilFactor. I don’t pursue. I’m the pursued.

1. Taylor may be able to rhyme some catchy lyrics, but from what I’ve heard she’s a snooze when it comes to conversation. Apparently Taylor isn’t all that swift.

As always, feel free to share with your favorite Taylor Swift fan by hitting the Facebook share button below. Have a great Friday! ~Phil

It’s The Great Pumpkin Spice Latte Charlie Brown!

At this point, I’m not even sure people remember the Peanuts cartoons. Although, in doing “research” for this post I discovered that there was The Peanuts Movie in 2015. I’m sure that totally resonated with kids. Good grief, as Charlie Brown would say.

I was also going to name this “A Pumpkin Flavored Phil Factor”. It’s that time of year, again. Sigh.  It has begun. Pumpkin flavored everything is back in stores! WTH? Seriously, are pumpkins such a wonderful delicacy that we have to flavor EVERYTHING with them? Why pumpkin? Is there any other time of year where a flavor takes over the country for a couple months? Around the winter holidays why isn’t there nog flavored everything? Around St. Patrick’s Day we’ve got our Shamrock Shakes, but that’s about it. How about this? I’m going to give you a list of ten pumpkin flavored items below and you try to guess which one isn’t real.

1. SPAM

2. Twinkies

3. Donuts

4. Candy

5. Soda pop

6. Potato chips

7. Pasta

8. Cookies

9. Vodka

10. Hamburgers

Guess what? They all are real! That’s too much pumpkin flavored stuff. What’s next, pumpkin-flavored fish sandwiches at McDonald’s? This time of year it’s actually an effort not to accidentally eat something pumpkin flavored. This madness must end!

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating that any company that produces a pumpkin flavored food item has to have it approved through a special sub-committee and if it is just too stupid of an idea they will not be allowed to sell it. If you know of any other odd pumpkin flavored foods or drinks please share them in the comments.

As always, if you enjoy what you read at #ThePhilFactor and want to support my bid for President, or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook share button.

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Psychic Predictions for the 21st Century and Beyond

Yes, of course that’s me

Usually I only do psychic predictions year by year, but lately some visions of the distant future have been appearing in my brain.

Michel de Nostredame, aka Nostradamus, a French pharmacist, doctor, astrologer and future seeing psychic is renown for his cool name and predictions of the distant future. That’s never really been my thing, but lately I’ve been seeing glimpses of a future that may be very different than we might think. So, as a psychic, I’d like to leave a legacy like #Nostradamus did. Should I call myself Philstradamus from now on? Who am I kidding The Phil Factor is a great #psychic name!

Prediction #1: Aliens! In the not too distant future, the human race will learn to communicate with #aliens AND we will discover that the visitors in UFO/UAP spacecraft are not aliens. They are humans from the future. Physicists will discover that time travel is possible and the aliens are evolved humans from the future returning to learn about their history in much the same way that we do archeological digs. 

If he was really psychic, he’d have known what a tragic fashion choice that hair was

Prediction #2: Parallel universes? Prediction number one may be slightly wrong. The aliens might be time traveling humans from the future, OR the present.  We (and when I say we, I mean physicists) will discover that there are actually #parallel universes, and occasionally the fabric of reality between two universes wears thin or develops a hole, and things like UFOs and strange cryptid creatures may slip through and get stuck in our universe. 

Prediction #3 Is it time to move?  Weather phenomena, aka #climate change, will continue to result in more and more areas of the world becoming uninhabitable to humans. Several countries will reinvest in their neglected space exploration programs in an effort to find places where the human race can survive. The first will be an attempt to set up a permanent base on the moon with regular ‘shuttles’ to and from Earth. It will be first manned by only NASA/military personnel, but will eventually begin to work in civilians. 

Image from Bloomberg

Prediction #4 What becomes of Russia? Sadly #Russia will eventually win this never ending war in #Ukraine, but not long after, Vladimir Putin will pass away under suspicious circumstances that will never be clear to the western media. Following a Russian cheer similar to “Ding dong the witch is dead,” the Russian government, at the urging of it’s citizens and the United Nations, will begin to craft itself  into a democracy over the next few decades, and Ukraine will be restored whole as a sovereign nation.

Image from People Magazine

Prediction #5 The Royal Family Look, I enjoy the soap opera that the British royals have put on forever, but by the end of this century they will be phased out. People will care less and less about bloodlines and more and more about breadlines. Normally I might throw in a few jokes about the royal family being aliens, but I’m making serious predictions here. Although, if #King Chuck lives as long as his mum, we may want to check to see if they really are aliens. 

Image from Quora.com

Prediction #6 Us and them? In the distant future, sometime after 2060, the Earth will be split into two kinds of people. There will be the Techies, who embrace all that technology brings us, sometimes to the point that they give up their autonomy to the A.I. machines. The second kind of people will be the Green Earthers. They will shun most technology, with the exception of solar electricity and will try to live their lives the way people did before technology controlled everything. 

Just because I usually make jokes, that doesn’t mean that I can’t be serious about these #psychicpredictions. Psychics can have a sense of humor too! In the comments, I’d love to know you’re thoughts on these predictions.

Have a great Saturday! ~The Phil Factor!

Scotland: The Florida of the United Kingdom?

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I sit here on a beach in America on the tailgate of my pickup truck gazing out across an ocean.  I’m not sure which one, but because I’m in America, it must be the biggest one. I feel secure because I have a beer in one hand, a gun in the other, and beef jerky in the other. I also feel secure because Scotland is on the other side of this great big ocean. I’m not sure what Scotland is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not good. I watched Braveheart for the first time last night. It’s a documentary about Scottish culture.

Knowing me, you may be thinking that I’m about to write a sarcastic, mocking piece about the fine country of Scotland. Wait, country? Is Scotland a real full-fledged country or is it just an odd redneck region of England the way Florida is in the United States? As I said, you probably think I’m going to make fun of Scotland, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m 1/4 Scottish, so it would be blasphemy to degrade my own heritage.

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Rather than highlight the oddities that make up the whole of Scottish culture, I thought it might be more educational to highlight the ignorant beliefs that us ‘Mericans have about the Scots. So to do some research, I recently decided to visit the delightful island nation of Scotland. Ok, I didn’t, but if the Scottish board of tourism wants to sponsor me I’ll be happy to write a factually accurate piece on Scottish culture.

Scotland is an island: Shame on you my fellow ‘Muricans! Ireland has their own island while Scotland is a landlocked few acres surrounded entirely castle walls.

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Donald Trump is not Scottish: Guess what everyone, Donald Trumps mum was Scottish. Considering that Scots are often thought to be an aggressive bunch, that explains a lot about the Donald. It also gives us a place to deport him to.

Scottish men only wear kilts: That’s not true. They also wear high socks with their kilts.

The Loch Ness Monster is just a myth: Ha! Check out this picture taken two weeks ago:

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This is what all Scottish men do for a living: 

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We don’t know why they toss logs, or how they make a living at it, but they do. When I visited I spent half my time outdoors looking up to ensure I wasn’t killed by a flying log. Sadly, two in my party were lost, and that was just at dinner in the hotel.

Every building in Scotland is an old castle: Ok, this one’s true.

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Mel Gibson is their President: You Americans are idiots. The Scots don’t have a President. Mel is their king. Yes, because Mel was in Braveheart, Americans think he’s Scottish.

Scots don’t subscribe to The Phil Factor: That can’t be true, can it?

You’ve been a wonderful audience. Drive safely. Thanks for reading! ~Phil

Good News! UFO’s Are Real! (Maybe Bigfoot too)

In case you weren’t following the news closely this past week, it seems as if the government is acknowledging that unidentified flying objects, UFO’s, or unidentified anomalous phenomena  (UAPs) are kind of a real thing. First of all government, we’ve called them UFO’s for at least 70 years. Why do you have to go trying to change the name just because you’re admitting that they exist now? I’m betting that the United States government is actually trying to find a way to make them pay taxes.

This past week a former military intelligence officer and two former fighter pilots told the United States House of Representatives that they are being lied to about UFO’s. The military intelligence officer reported discovering  “a multi-decade UAP crash retrieval and reverse-engineering program” during the course of his work examining classified programs. He said he was denied access to those programs when he requested it, and accused the military of misappropriating funds to shield these operations from congressional oversight. He later said he had interviewed officials who had direct knowledge of aircraft with “nonhuman” origins, and that so-called “biologics” were recovered from some craft. (last paragraph credit to CBS.com)

The two fighter pilots gave first hand accounts of UFOs that they saw first hand in the sky.

This comes as no surprise to most of us right? What? Our government lied to us? That’s crazy, right?

There’s two interesting parts to this. The “reverse engineering program” means that the government is trying to figure out the alien technology and build their own stuff with it.

The second interesting part is the “biologics” that were recovered. The “biologics” were probably not houseplants, right?  They recovered actual aliens!

I’m not going to go on, but this admission by the government makes past 10 year old me very happy.

Also, this past Wednesday, 76 year old renowned psychic Uri Geller posted on Instagram “Friends, Bigfoot, traditionally, is viewed as a simple creature of the woods while UFOs are considered sophisticated visitors from outer space. Yet, could there be a connection between the two? I believe, yes. Please let me know if you ever witnessed a Bigfoot type of creature and if you believe there is an alien connection.

First of all, shout out to 76 year old Uri for rocking the social media. He’s active on Twitter too. Anywho, as they say, keep your eyes on the  sky, because you never know when Bigfoot might fly by in a UFO. In the comments, I’d love to hear what you think about the UFO stuff and Uri Gellers theory.

Have a great Saturday and thanks for reading! ~Phil

Is Disney’s Haunted Mansion Really Haunted?

Could Disney’s Haunted Mansion really be haunted? Happily, the answer is yes! No one is sure, and it can’t be proved, but… what would you say if you knew that the tombstones outside the original Haunted Mansion in California’s Disneyland had the names of the original designers of the ride?

Pic from DVCshop.com

Sure, a decorative nod to the deceased creators of the ride may not be enough to convince you. Although, if you designed this iconic ride, the peak of your life’s work, after you passed away, wouldn’t you hang around to see people enjoy it?

That’s not why I think Disney’s most popular ride is haunted though. That tombstone argument is flimsy at best. What would you say if you knew that each Haunted Mansion at all of the Disney parks across the world also contained the ashes of thousands of people who passed away?

Photo by Annie Leibowitz featuring Jack Black, Will Farrell, & Jason Segel.

Yes, this must come as a shock to you that wholesome Disney parks are the repository for the ashes of many, many people. Don’t believe me, google it. There’s many articles online from many respected outlets reporting that many, many grieving relatives have brought the ashes of a loved one to rest at Disney’s Haunted Mansion. That’s why I believe that there’s at least one mournful Disney loving soul that hitched a ride with their ashes and family to the Haunted Mansion.

But don’t get too sentimental about what a wonderful final resting place the Haunted Mansion would be for your family member or pet. Disney cast members have a code they say into their walkie talkies when they find ashes somewhere in the Haunted Mansion. They say “code HEPA”. Yes, HEPA like the air filter. They vacuum up the remains of your loved ones and dispose of them. Not such a sweet final resting spot is it?

The next time you go the Haunted Mansion ride you might want to look for ashes in the car seat before you hop on. Also, keep an eye out for a ghost or two that looks just a little too real.  ; )

Enjoy Disney’s new Haunted Mansion movie in theaters today July 28th!

Have a great weekend!! ~Phil

Please Let It Be Haunted…

Amityville Horror House

You may be asking yourself, what do I want haunted and why? First of all, why are you asking yourself that? You don’t know! I do and I’m going to tell you.

For the fifth time since The Phil Factor began in 2005, I’m moving to a new residence. Other questions you might be asking yourself are as follows:

1. Why does Phil move so much? 

2. Could he be trying to stay one step ahead of the law?

3. Could he possibly be a secret agent for the FBI, CIA, or MI5?

Was that a poltergeist, or just really kick-ass hi-def tv?

Never mind those questions. They are irrelevant. I’m moving again, and I’m hoping for a haunted house. I’m not hoping for just any run of the mill ghosts who make little noises at night. I want the full on Amityville Horror haunting. I want poltergeists out the ying-yang!

My last home, before the one I’m in now, was lightly haunted and it was enjoyable. I don’t want lightly haunted. This time I want the full on Stranger Thingsmy son is in the upside-down” kind of haunting. I want to see my dog walking on the ceiling and not knowing why. I’ll be running around the house with my cell phone recording myself Blair Witch Project style, only to find myself in the closet facing the wall.

Is this bad mojo to put this idea out into the universe? Probably. Will I regret it? Also probably. But, imagine how great all my paranormal blog posts will be when I’m reporting from my own home! I’ll have video and audio, and I promise I won’t be shouting about orbs. Zak Bagans is a clown. After about ten years he suddenly needs gigantic glasses? Did he go blind because he got an orb in his eye? SMH.

For cripes sake Zak. If you’d stop yelling all the time we might be able to hear the ghost talk in those crappy, static recordings. Every week you act like you’ve never seen a ghost before. And if you want to fight me Zak, I invite you to have your say on my blog and if you’ll invite me to follow you on one of your “investigations”, I’ll write about it. Sounds fair, right?

So here’s my question for you my readers: Answer in the comments, would you live in a haunted house, maybe if it was only lightly haunted?

Have a great Sunday and thanks for reading! ~Phil