Tag Archives: Funny final words

The Top Ten Best Last Words

German philosopher Karl Marx last words were “Last words are for those fools who believe they have not yet said enough.” Well guess what? If I know the bill is coming due, I want to have some kick ass last words. Whether we realize it or not, we all have “last words.” Some people know they are speaking their last words, while others don’t have that luxury.

I heard “last words” mentioned in a Seinfeld episode last night and I got to thinking, someday I will have last words and if I do, I want them to be something that is quintessential me and equally memorable to those who hear or read them. So, for fun, I’ll give you this list of famous and funny last words, adding my future last words as the number 1. Am I tempting fate here? Of course I am. But f*ck fate! Who knows? “F*ck fate” might be my last words. In the comments could you add what you think you’d like your last words to be?

10. “Surprise me!” ~Comedian Bob Hope when his wife asked him where he wanted to be buried.

9. “I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis.”  Old actor Humphrey Bogart

8. “Oh wow! Oh wow! Oh wow!” Former Apple leader Steve Jobs. (This one really fascinates me. What was he seeing or experiencing that made him say this?) 

7. “Yeah, country music.” Famous drummer Buddy Rich was being prepped for surgery in 1987 and this is what he said when the nurse asked him if there was anything he couldn’t take.

6. “I knew it! I knew it! Born in a hotel room and, goddamn it, dying in a hotel room.” Pulitzer Prize winning Eugene O’Neill was born in a room at the Broadway Hotel in Times Square. He died at age 65 in a Boston hotel.

5. “Dammit, don’t you dare ask God to help me!”  Actress Joan Crawford.

4. “One never knows the ending. One has to die to know exactly what happens after death, although Catholics have their hopes.” Famous director/film maker Alfred Hitchcock.

3.“I desire to go to Hell and not to Heaven. In the former I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings and princes, while in the latter are only beggars, monks and apostles.” Machiavelli, writer of a book that said that politics are full of deception, treachery and crime. Too bad he’s not around, he’d be glad to see that he’s still right.

2.“Fuck, a bullet wound!” Antonio Jose De Sucre Venezuelan independence leader and President of Peru and Bolivia moments after he was assassinated. President of Peru and Bolivia? How does that happen?

1. “Don’t delete The Phil Factor.” Look, I have one of the longest running blogs in the world, I don’t want my death to be the end of it. I have a few future blogs posts written and scheduled to post many decades into the future. And how creepy will it be when there are replies to the comments?

Speaking of that, in the comments I’d love to hear what you’d like your final words to be be whether they are funny, touching or anything else.

Have a great weekend! ~Phil