Tag Archives: The Phil Factor #ThePhilFactor

The Psychics First Date

As I mentioned in my post on Thursday, a lot of folks have been showing up at The Phil Factor to read my 2017 post Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Psychic Pick Up Lines. One of many questions I have about this phenomena is, are the people reading this psychics looking to upgrade their dating game, or is it non-psychics curious about the dating habits of psychics? Or could it possibly be singles on the dating scene looking for ways to prevent them from getting duped by smooth talking psychics?

Here is how I imagine a first date between two psychics would go:

A man in a turban and a purple velour cape sitting alone at a table in a swanky Italian restaurant. He stands up as he makes eye contact with a woman who has just entered and he gives her a little wave. She acknowledges him and starts to weave her way between tables. Her many chiffon scarves flow freely from her, brushing peoples heads as she passes.

Karnak the Magnificent: “Why hello Esmeralda! Have a seat,”  Karnak says as he pulls out her chair for her.

Esmeralda: “Thank you Karnak. This is a lovely restaurant. However did you choose it?”

K: “This is where my grandparents went on their first date sixty years ago. They’ve always told me the story of their magical first date, and I have a good feeling about you, so I thought it might be a good luck charm for us.”

E: Aww…that’s sweet, but it would be more sweet if your ex-girlfriend didn’t wait tables here and you weren’t bringing me here hoping to make her jealous.

K: “What? That’s preposterous! I love the food here!”

Esmeralda raises an eyebrow.

K: “OK, you got me, but the food is really incredible.” Nodding to waiter, “Yes, Cabernet for both please.” Turning to Esmeralda, “Besides, on your dating profile you said that you’re 28 when you’re really 30.”

E: “So we’ve both started this relationship with little white lies. Fair enough. Let’s try to turn our heads off and get to know each other the old fashioned way.”

K: “Agreed. So Esmeralda, where did you grow up?”

E: Chuckles, “Well, I grew up a little bit almost everywhere. My parents were gypsies who traveled with the circus all over Europe. They read the Tarot cards for a living. How about you?”

K: I was an orphan, raised by Tibetan monks in the mountains of Nepal. I immigrated here to the States with them when I was twelve. They came here to build a monastery in the Hollywood Hills. It’s actually right next to a Scientology resort. Tom Cruise came over and bought an alpaca from us once. So tell me about your travels in Europe. Which country was your favorite?”

E: “I loved all of Europe. It’s hard to pick just one country, but if I have to, I’ll say France. Our circus set up just outside of Paris for several months. The people, the food, the wine. I could see the Eiffel Tower all lit up at night. That was a magical time. So Karnak, how did you come to realize that you’re psychic?”

K: “Huh? I’m sorry. I was lost in thought. What did you say Esmeralda?”

E: “You weren’t lost in thought. You were lost in my cleavage! I can read your mind you idiot. And yes, there are more tattoos. Very interesting ones in very interesting places.”

K: “Ok, if we’re going to get real here, let’s get real. Yes, you’ve been to Paris. Paris, Texas where you grew up. You can drop the hokey accent now Paula. Esmeralda? Please. You look like an Esmeralda about as much as I do!”

E: “You want to get real? You weren’t psychically drawn to my booth down at the boardwalk. You read my profile on Tinder and came and found me, hoping your hokey psychic line would get me!”

K: “Listen Paula, I also know that you’ve been wondering about what’s under my …ahem..(using finger quotes) “turban” all night long.”

E: “Listen Steve, yes, I know your real name, are you as hot as I am right now?”

Karnak/Steve: “You already know I am. My place is just around the corner. Let’s get our food to go.”

Esmeralda/Paula: “And when you say “you’re place” you really mean your parents house and we’re going to sneak in through the walk out basement door in back, right?”

Steve: “I’ve never been so turned on in my life.”

Paula: “Keep the turban on!”

As you can see, being a psychic certainly could be challenging on the dating scene. But if you could be psychic and read minds, would you?

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Are You A Social Media Drama Queen?

Are you a social media drama queen? You may not know, but we sure as hell do! Although I used the phrase drama queen, guys can be social media drama queens too. Not me of course. I’ve written this blog for over 13 years for purely educational purposes. Mostly I like to educate people when they’re being idiots.

We used to be able to worship our on screen idols, actors, actresses, athletes and musicians, from afar for years, then social media showed up and these people couldn’t keep their mouths shut. Of course, it’s not a surprise that celebrities are social media drama queens. It’s just a surprise how many of them are morons.

But I’m not here to talk about the rich and famous morons. I’m talking about the regular, used to be your friend, type of morons. The ones that think they are a social media STAR! We all know these people don’t we? You know every damn time that they leave the house because they check in on Facebook when they walk to their mailbox and then Instagram you theirĀ  breakfast.

And really, who cares that you love coffee? Guess what? billions of people have been having coffee (or tea) every friggin’ morning since the cave people figured out how to boil water. If coffee was that freaking miraculous the cave people would have painted a picture of it on some cave wall in France. That was their Instagram. And yes, I’m drinking coffee too but I don’t imagine that’s very interesting to all my social media “friends” who are also drinking coffee. Guess what? Drinking coffee is not any sort of accomplishment that needs to be lauded by your social media friends. And yes, everyone else also has a coffee mugs with a supposedly humorous comment about drinking coffee.

And what about social media friends? Those people who were strangers until they “followed” you? Are they really friends? Up until 15 years ago, if a stranger followed you, you probably went straight to the police and got a restraining order. Now we rejoice if strangers we don’t know “like” our coffee picture. My least favorite of the social media drama queens is the people that commit social media suicide. “I’ve had enough of all the mean spirited comments here on Facebook/Twitter/blogĀ  so I’m deleting my account!” But then they come back to check comments and reply. If you’re going to leave social media, do it. Don’t come back to see how many people will say “don’t go!” Chances are you’ll be disappointed.

Have a great Saturday everybody! Give me all your love in the form of likes and comments because if you don’t I’m going to delete my account. And this time I mean it! ~Phil