Tag Archives: The Phil Factor #ThePhilFactor

Daylight Stupid Time 2023

This is my bi-annual reminder that tomorrow night in the United States we move our clocks forward by an hour today and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until the government does away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 120 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about 15 years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks forward an hour now but we turn them back in the Fall,  over the course of a year what difference does it make?

If we learned anything from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2024

Top Ten Reasons Sloths Are Slow

Very happy Sloth couch potato, eating hibiscus flowers.

10. They are waaay to into weed.

9. Constipation

8. Their mother is calling and they really don’t want to go in for dinner.

7. Once a cop said, “Don’t make any quick moves.”

6. They’re tired from working out.

5. They we’re listening when Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it.”

4. You know sometimes kids play “Let’s pretend the floor is lava”? Sloths play “Let’s pretend the air is water.”

3. They are actually aliens from a parallel universe where they are considered fast A.F.

2. They are all asleep and in one of those dreams where you’re trying to run fast but you can’t get away from anyone.

1. They’re sloths, duh! Don’t overthink it. 

I’m sure this post is definitely going to rank #1 on Google searches about funny sloths by the end of the day. I hope you’re having a nice Friday and easing into the weekend slowly like a sloth. 

Thanks for reading and Happy Friday! ~Phil

The Top Ten Rejected Candy Heart Sayings

Yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but I traditionally post this list the day after and enjoy all the fun additional suggestions in the comments from readers. Feel free to add your ideas below and maybe they’ll make the list next year!

You know those chalky candy hearts that for the better part of a century have been shared on Valentine’s Day? They’re so cute with their little candy inscriptions of “I love you” or “Hugs” or other nonsense. I imagine though that there were some ideas that didn’t make it.

10. It’s not you, it’s me

9. Not a cold sore

8. Maybe Next Time

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7. Better late than never

6. It’s eczema. Yes, there.  I swear.

5. The Phil Factor

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4. My last test was clean

3. You paying for dinner?

2. Almost divorced

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1. It’s not yours!

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! One of the things I’m in love with is comments. What are your funny ideas for rejected candy hearts sayings?

I hope you have a great Valentine’s Day! ~Phil

The Phil Factor Grammy Awards!

I’ve never given Grammy Awards before, but when I saw that the Recording Academy of the United States would be awarding them next Sunday, I of course decided that I’d beat them to the punch.

When I hear the word Grammy, I don’t think of popular music, I think of my kids Grammy. Where would we be without Grammys? Who would watch the kids when we go out? Who picks them up from school when we can’t get out of that work meeting? And who buys our kids those presents that we would never get for them?

Picture from Adobe Stock images

Without further adieu, here are The Phil Factor Grammy nominees!

Grandmother Peggy Collinsworth of Arcadia, California saved her four year old grandson Matthew from a coughing fit when she swiftly pulled a hard butterscotch candy out of her bra and gave it to Matthew, soothing his sore throat.

Grammy Dot Cullen of  St. Paul, Minnesota is nominated for buying her grandson Ralphie an official Red Ryder carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle for Christmas when his mom said no because “you’ll shoot your eye out!”

Grammy Judy Winkleman  of Secaucus, New Jersey is nominated for babysitting her twin granddaughters Rachel and Amy and letting them stay up way past their bedtime so they could watch the rest of the Wednesday series on Netflix, and master the Wednesday dance to impress their friends in school. Rachel and Amy didn’t get bed until their parents were just pulling into the driveway!

Great Grammy Miss Faye of Oakland, California is nominated for attacking a thief who grabbed her neighbors purse. She beat him with her cane until he dropped the purse and ran away. This one is a true story. I love stories like this one.

Our last nominee is  Grammy Nancy King of Scottsdale, Arizona who, after recently learning to use Facebook on her phone, liked and commented on every post from the last four years on each of her grandchildren’s pages.

Have a great Sunday and appreciate your Grammy! ~Phil

The Top Ten 2023 Banished Phrases

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I am so sick of hearing that phrase!”?  Sometimes it’s an acronym at work. Other times it’s a pop culture phenomenon. Often it’s a word or phrase that someone from another generation seems to say that makes no sense to you.

Lake Superior State University, is located in Michigan’s upper peninsula, which should really be part of Wisconsin or Canada. Each year they publish a list of the top ten words that people would like to see banished.

That is exactly the kind of hard hitting research you’ll find at a “state school.” I should know, because I went to one. Harvard is busy curing cancer, but Lake Superior State University is spending public money making lists of silly phrases. They are definitely my kind of people.

I’ll give you their list with my comments and I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions in the comments.

1. GOAT: It’s an acronym for Greatest Of All Time. I get it. It makes sense, but this is the dumbest sound word for something good that I’ve ever heard. It’s also the most overused word in the English language. My question is, is there a goat GOAT? For fun, if  you want to see some famous goats from movies and television click this LINK.

2. Inflection Point: It’s a fancy way to say ‘turning point’ if you want to sound pretentious and insufferable. Apparently we have reached the inflection point where people have tired of the phrase inflection point.

3. Quiet Quitting: Is there a noisy quitting? Quiet quitting is another way to say that you stopped showing up at a job you hate. It should be called “Lazy Quitting” (patent pending). If we attach a negative word like lazy to it, maybe less people will quiet quit. Nobody wants to be called lazy. In 2023 if I hear someone use the phrase “quiet quitting” I will correct them by saying “Don’t you mean ‘lazy quitting ?” Seriously, how hard is it to email your boss to say you quit?

4. Gaslighting: I actually like the word. It’s an olde timey way of saying you’re getting someone riled up. I do hate how it’s overused and attached to anything someone hears that they don’t like. I also have a funny story about actual gaslighting from my college years at a state school.

5. Moving forward… Ugh, moving forward I could do with hearing less managers use the phrase “moving forward.” Isn’t moving forward scootching your chair closer so you can hear someone better? Now it’s the world’s catch phrase for “in the future…”. What? Is the word future no good anymore?

6. Amazing- Ok Lake Inferior State University, how can you rule out the word “amazing”? Do any of you reading this think that ‘amazing’ is used too much? Look, over the last three years the world has kind of sucked a lot. We could use more amazing in our lives, couldn’t we? Our baseline for life has been lowered so much that any tiny metaphorical ray of sunshine should be considered amazing and we should all grab that tiny straw of hope. You know, if everyone who reads this comments below that The Phil Factor is amazing, I wouldn’t complain at all.

7. Does that make sense? This doesn’t seem like a new phrase, but it’s now used by middle managers everywhere so they can try to seem invested in their employees thoughts and opinions. It’s really a trick. No one wants to say no to the question “does this make sense?” If you’re the only one that says no, you’re immediately the dummy in your Zoom meeting. So, managers the world over get away with time wasting activity because no one will say no.

8. Irregardless: Kudos Pond Scum State College! This isn’t a real word and it means the same thing as “regardless.” I think it’s a millenial word. Aren’t the millenials the root of everything that’s wrong in the world right now?

It’s like someone made a meme about what I’m doing right now.

9. Absolutely: I’ll use it in a sentence: “I think that this state college is absolutely lazy when they throw in these normal words as overused.”

10. It is what it is: Lake Superior State College is what it is. A state college that’s reusing words from their 2008 list. No, I don’t have their lists memorized; they copped to reusing this one. I agree that it’s a dumb phrase expressing nothing but the limited vocabulary of the speaker.

Suggestions from me for next years list:

Millenial: I so hate this word. It’s a lame way to encapsulate an entire generation of people and it’s used in a demeaning way. Regardless of it’s meaning, it’s used as a catch-all for everything wrong with society.

Boomer: Also a dumb way to stereotype. Both millenial and boomer are ways to express an age bias. Like any other stereotyping words, it’s not creative or accurately descriptive.

I’m going to send these two suggestions to Lake Superior State, and if you’d like to take a shot at contributing to their list you can go to: lssu.edu/banishedwords.

If you do send one in, let me know in the comments so I can highlight you in this post next year.

I hope that you’re having a great weekend! ~Phil

Is New Year’s Eve The Worst Holiday Ever?

Is New Year’s Eve the worst holiday ever? Or am I the biggest New Year’s Eve Grinch in the world? I can honestly say that I don’t think I’ve ever had a great New Year’s Eve. Do any of you feel that way?

By the way, is New Year’s Eve the holiday or is it New Year’s Day? Or is it a two day holiday? If we can’t define it, obviously it isn’t a great holiday.

If I go to a New Year’s Eve party, this will be the one. So,  Miley Cyrus and Pete Davidson, send that chopper to my house tomorrow and I’ll be there by midnight. Imagine if it was actually a party with Miley, Pete, and other assorted celebrities of their ilk rather than a tv show? That would be a fun party. So, if there’s an afterparty, that’s where I want to be, surrounded by ilk. I’m going nowhere for New Year’s Eve, but for some reason, the universe nudged me to buy a New Year’s Eve tie  this year. If that’s not a sign that Miley and Pete are sending a limo to fetch me, then I don’t know what is.

My New Year’s Eve tie

If the universe’s plan to get me to that party is going to work I think I need all of you to tweet, IG, Facebook, and TikTok this blog post until it reaches Pete and Miley. Hit those little buttons at the bottom of this. Speaking of Pete Davidson and Miley Cyrus, who thinks that we’re going to hear about them dating any day now. If that’s not a celebrity couple made in heaven, I don’t know who is.

Pic from Fodors.com

In many Spanish speaking countries like Mexico and Brazil, the color of the underwear you wear on New Year’s Day is believed to determine what kind of year you’ll have. Tradition is that red brings love and yellow leads to wealth and success. White predicts peace and harmony, while green portends well-being and nature. Yikes! What kind of year will you have if your undies have skid marks? I think the answer to that is pretty obvious. I didn’t want to think of that either, but I know you were all thinking it too. So this year I’ll wear red and my new tie. That’s it. Just those two things.

So help me out here. In the comments, I’d love to know how you feel about New Year’s Eve 2023 and what are your best and worst New Year’s Eve stories from the past. C’mon, don’t just click “like”!

Happy New Year! ~Phil

Welcome to the Future: My Psychic Predictions for 2023

That’s me in the crystal ball. I’m not the lady

This is my favorite post to write each year. Partly because I get to use that picture above and partly because I’m mostly serious but no one believes me. I’ve  had a lifetime of undisciplined, untrained, unintentional psychic experiences that have led me to know that I see the future.  Some of what I predict here is a dead serious look at what I see in the future and some of it is silly for silly’s sake. Of course, sometimes my silly predictions have come true. <– click for the 2016 Courtney Kardashian prediction that I nailed)

Just to certify my bonafides as the kids say (the kids aren’t saying it yet, but by the end of 2023…) take a look at my predictions from last year.

The Real Psychic Predictions for 2023: 

Picture from Buzzfeed

Who Will Pete Davidson be dating? A shorter list might be who Pete Davidson isn’t dating. Right now, rumors have him dating Australian actress Emily Ratajkowski (Gone Girl, We Are Your Friends), but lets be honest, is Pete ever going to settle down? No he is not. Will his dalliance with Emily lead to marriage? No, it will lead to 53 year old Mariah Carey. Yes, that’s my prediction.  29 year old Pete and Mariah. Book it. And when that ends could it be Britney…? Also, based on his relationship spree over the past few years Pete Davidson will be named 2023’s Sexiest Man Alive.

Picture property of NPR

Will Life on Earth End? No, but it will seem precarious at one point during the first half of the year. The war in Ukraine is at the center of that. And don’t forget about Kim Jong Un of North Korea. He’s going to make some noise in 2023.

Picture Harper’s Bazaar and Getty Images

How Long Will King Chuck Reign? We all know I love my Royals. After Phil Factor favorite Queen Liz crossed the rainbow bridge, Prince Charles ascended to the throne. Sadly his reign will be short. He will be done in by Covid during 2023 and Prince William will become King. Having heard of the accuracy of my predictions, King Will will hire me as a full time advisor to the throne. Also, Prince Harry, after his separation with Meghan, will begin a relationship with Canadian singer Avril Lavigne.

picture property of iStock

Will everything be expensive forever? Nobody is going to make it rain, and the world economy will seem bleak in the first three months of 2023, but March through May will show some positive signs of potential growth. In the second half of 2023 a long, slow recovery will begin. It won’t get back to where it was before the recession, but it will be better and moving in the right direction.

Australian Archeologists Discover 4th Hemsworth Brother! In an Australian desert, archeologists will unearth what they believe to be the fourth devastatingly handsome Hemsworth brother. He will have fallen asleep and became covered in drifting sand when found. Apparently he got lost on a walkabout looking for the beach. People Magazine  has already named him Sexiest Man Alive for 2023.

I hope you enjoyed my look ahead. Obviously that last one is fanciful, unless I buried a male model in the Australian desert. I’m not saying I did, but if it happens, those aren’t my fingerprints.

If you have any questions you’d like me to answer psychically, please put them in the comments and I will reply. Keep in mind that I cannot do a personal reading or answer specific personal questions of people I haven’t met. Best wishes to you and yours in the new year!

Psychically Yours, Phil

Copyright 2022 ThePhilFactor.com

It Wasn’t the End of The World as We Know It…

The paragraph below is from my “End of The World” post that I wrote in 2009 and scheduled to go live on my blog the day after the world was supposed to end in 2012.

See? I told you so! I wrote this post on Oct. 13, 2009 and dated it to be released to the blog on Dec. 22, 2012, the day after the Mayan calendar ended and the world was supposed to end. If you’re reading this post, apparently that didn’t happen. So suck on that you Mayan calendar nutjobs.

As always, Psychic Phil got this one right. Stay tuned for my 2023 psychic predictions coming up on Tuesday December 26th! If there is anything that you’d like a psychic prediction about, put your question in the comments.

Psychically yours, Phil 

Ten Ways “It’s A Wonderful Life” Could Have Been Better

I wonder if Kanye (Ye) is on to something? Is it possible that the quintessential, iconic American Christmas movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, could have, should have been better? I say yes, and here are ten things George would have done if he were a morally questionable protagonist.

10. George should have punched Sam Wainwright: The first time that dolt popped up and said “Hee haw!” George should have punched him in the throat. Then he should have done it every other time until Sam learned to shut the hell up.

9. Violet: ‘Nuff said.

8. Mr. Gower: George could have been a wealthy young man had he chosen to blackmail Pharmacist Gower over almost killing that kid by putting the wrong meds in the bottle. Especially after Mr. Gower hit him on his bad ear. A little hush money never hurt anybody.

"If you don't stop saying stupid stuff I'll throw you out of this bar myself"

“If you don’t stop saying stupid stuff I’ll throw you out of this bar myself”

7. George should have left Clarence the Angel in  the river: If that were my guardian angel, I might choose not to go to Heaven if I have to hang out with him for all eternity.

6. George should have thrown a rock at the neighbor who told him to shut up and kiss Mary.

"I'm going to throw a rock at him"

“I’m going to throw a rock at him”

5. George should have been arrested by the town cop first for throwing the rock at the neighbor (see #6) and for vandalizing the house.

4. George shouldn’t have given Mary the robe back when she was in the hydrangea bush. (bow chicka bow wow!)

3. George should have pulled his brothers fiance’ aside and told her that his brother Harry is a big cheater and he would leave her, just like he did his other wives. Then heartbroken Harry takes over the Building & Loan and George goes to college.

2. He should have taken that job  that Potter offered him! Adjusted for inflation, that was the equivalent of a six figure salary nowadays. Btw, if you weren’t aware, the actor that played Mr. Potter is Drew Barrymore’s great uncle.

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1. Throw Billy under the bus: No, not literally. But when Uncle Billy lost that $8000 I would have ratted him out to the police in about two seconds.

So , what do you think? How about a modern re-make with a realistic George Bailey? The guy was miserable almost constantly until they had a nice party and bailed him out at the end. What happens after that party? Clarence gets his friggin’ wings but George is stuck going back to the life he was already so miserable in. Would other changes would you make to It’s a Wonderful Life? ~Phil

Worst Superhero Ever

To fanfare that existed only in his mind, former President Donald Trump released his own limited edition NFT’s this past week. NFT’s mean Non-Fungible Token. It’s basically a picture, artwork, or collectible item made into a digital image and has a limit on how many people can own it. It’s a ridiculous notion when you can find the pictures online everywhere. Yes, they say Trump’s NFT’s “sold out”, but who knows how many were actually licensed and sold and to whom. I’d be curious to know if the Trump Corporation has a line in their ledger book that now says “NFT’s—$4m”.

Although I sometimes talk as if I’m an expert on everything, in a few areas I do know some things about some things. I have a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology.  (No, I didn’t get my PhD, and that’s the biggest regret in my life.) One thing that I did study intensely in grad school was narcissism. I did a couple kick-ass papers on  narcissism and I think I have a pretty good grip on the diagnostic meaning.

I don’t want this to be a political piece. I don’t care what political party anyone is a part of as long as they have the best interests of the American people and the world at the core of their motivation to run for office.

According to theravive.com and the American Psychiatric Association these are the qualifying symptoms of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):

“The definition of NPD states that it comprises of a persistent manner of grandiosity, a continuous desire for admiration, along with a lack of empathy. It starts by early adulthood and occurs in a range of situations, as signified by the existence of any 5 of the next 9 standards (American Psychiatric Association, 2013):

  • A grandiose logic of self-importance
  • A fixation with fantasies of infinite success, control, brilliance, beauty, or idyllic love
  • A credence that he or she is extraordinary and exceptional and can only be understood by, or should connect with, other extraordinary or important people or institutions
  • A desire for unwarranted admiration
  • A sense of entitlement
  • Interpersonally oppressive behavior
  • No form of empathy
  • Resentment of others or a conviction that others are resentful of him or her
  • A display of egotistical and conceited behaviors or attitudes”

Do any of those symptoms fit someone that we’re familiar with? One thing I learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that the narcissist is looking for a ‘perfect mirror’. He or she wants to be surrounded by people who confirm what the narcissist wants to believe about themselves. Hmm.., what do these pictures tell us about how Donald Trump wants to be seen? He wants to be seen as a hero doesn’t he? Whether it was the crowd that attended his rally before storming to capitol or the sycophants who purchased these cartoon pictures of Trump, they reinforced his delusional beliefs. He actually sees himself as the larger than life heroes that he hired someone to create.

By the standards of the American Psychiatric Association, he has a mental illness. Having a mental illness however doesn’t disqualify a person from being an excellent public servant, but an untreated mental illness rarely resolves on it’s own and usually gets progressively worse. If Donald Trump is truly as awesome as the fictional heroes that he imagines  himself to be, great, let him run the country. If he is a mentally ill person that refuses treatment, then get him a psychiatrist before he gets worse.

Sorry for the serious topic. I thought some might find it interesting. Thanks for reading. ~Phil