Dear Chris Kempczinski,
I am writing to you, the CEO of the McDonald’s Corporation,on behalf of my friends in the fine country we call England. Why am I, an American, taking up a cause for everyone in England? It’s because I like every single British person that I’ve ever met. Sure there is probably a fair amount of arses over there, but they are not the majority.
I’m not sure if you’re holding a grudge over that little colonial dust up a couple centuries back, but since then England has been a good friend to the United States. It’s time for you to drop that grudge and allow all the British McDonald’s customers to have the one thing they want, Shamrock Shakes. The States have them. Canada has them. Ireland has them. Why not fecking England?
What have the Brits ever done to you? From your picture I can see that you appear to be red headed, so it’s probable you have some Irish blood coursing through your veins. Are you possibly holding a grudge over The Troubles Ireland/England conflict that ended over twenty-five years ago? For cripes sake, drop that old grudge too and offer an olive branch. The Shamrock Shake in British McDonald’s would heal that old wound between the countries and bring people together.
There’s no downside. You would come out of this looking like a hero. Your England McDonalds would make even more money. You would be known all over the UK as the man who brought redemption and Shamrock Shakes to England.
So what’s it going to be Chris? A few sugary shakes in the UK, or infamy as the man who wouldn’t let the Brits have Shamrock Shakes? C’mon Chris, let’s share the shakes, let’s share the shakes, let’s share the shakes… I can hear the chant building across the land…let’s share the shakes!
To all my readers, I encourage you to share this letter to McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski on your social media until the clamor for British Shamrock shakes cannot be ignored. If you like a more personal approach you can copy and paste it into an email and send it directly to the CEO at his email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Have a great day everyone! I hope you get your shakes!~Phil