Tag Archives: Neil deGrasse Tyson

I’m Going To Be a Scientist!

What do I want to be when I grow up? Obviously I’ve tipped you off with the title. I’ve decided that my next career will to be a “Scientist.” I’m not going to be just any kind of scientist though. I want to be the Neil deGrasse Tyson type of scientist. Here’s why: I just read an news article that said that scientists have determined that Saturn is losing it’s rings.

And how did they determine that Saturn is losing it’s rings? From images sent by a satellite. “The rings are being pulled into the planet “by gravity as a dusty rain of ice particles under the influence of Saturn’s magnetic field,” NASA said. From this alone, the entire ring system will be gone in 300 million years,” O’Donoghue said in a statement

Gasp! Oh no! In 300 million years we wont be able to see Saturn’s rings? Oh no! They’ve been such a big part of my life. What will I do without them? Raise your hands, who here has ever seen Saturn’s rings, like for real, not just in a cartoon picture on TV or in a book? Umm…let’s see one, two, three… oh yes, that’s right, the answer is zero. ZERO! No one has seen the rings and how do they effect our lives? Scientists, do you have an answer for that? Nope. Didn’t think so.

He may not have my tie collection, but he does wear some dope ass vests

What I’m getting at is that a lot of “scientists” do a whole lot off nothing and get paid pretty well to do it. The satellite that sent back the Saturn rings footage probably left Earth fifteen years ago. So these “scientists” have been showing up for work for fifteen years just waiting for a picture of Saturn. Then maybe the rings will disappear in 300 million years?!!?  That’s the best you can come up with? Seriously, no one on Earth right now will be around to fact check that in 300 million years. If I’ve got that kind of latitude, if I can’t ever be proven wrong, I’m going to make up some really good stuff. Here’s some future headlines from my future career as a scientist:

Scientist Phil declares that Saturn’s rings will detach from planet and careen through the solar system before slicing Earth in half in 300 million years.

Earth will lose it’s gravity in 300 million years.

The Phil Factor will be world’s most popular blog in 300 million years

Keeping Up With The Kardashians will be renewed for it’s 300 millionth season. 

See? If you’re going to be a scientist, that’s what we want to hear. That last one might be true though. When I grow up, if I can’t be Batman, I wanna be a Scientist! If you want to read another hilarious posts you might want to click on : Hey Scientists! Shut the H#ll up!

Have a great Sunday! ~Phil