There’s A New Pope…

and it’s not me. Again. The whole process just pisses me off. It’s all political. It’s who you know. It’s who you kissed up to. Just because I’m not a glad handing Cardinal in the Catholic church I don’t even get a whiff of consideration for the job. I didn’t even get a single write in vote. That is totally not fair. If I am ever elected Pope the first thing I’m going to do is revise that hat. It’s got to be a total pain in the ass to get through doorways wearing a 3 foot hat. I think a nice papal baseball cap worn backwards would be cool. It could have a big “V” on the front for Vatican. If I was Pope I’d also have one of those big foam No. 1 fingers for waving from the balcony to the millions of people who wait outside all the time. You know there is no way that the guy standing 800 rows back from the Vatican can see that little Miss America wave that the Pope does. I’ve got a goatee. If I were Pope I’d keep that. A Pope with a goatee would be cool. Especially if it was me.

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