That’s right. I’m running for President and I need your help. Common sense will be our battle cry and the internet will be our weapon. Join me and together we can make the world a place where men and women everywhere are safe from being e-mailed, Facebooked, or Twittered naked or semi-naked pictures of our public servants.
I live in the state of New York. Over the past 5 years our state Attorney General spent thousands of taxpayer dollars on a call girl, a state assemblyman left his job after a scandal where he admitted to “tickling” one of his staffers, then earlier this year Congressman Chris Lee resigned after having sent a shirtless photo to a woman from Craigslist. Following that, the aptly named Rep. Anthony Weiner recently admitted to sending inappropriate pictures and messages to college students. Here is my simple platform for public office: I won’t do stupid stuff like that. I’ll just show up for work every day and vote on stuff and not embarrass the people who support me and pay my salary with their taxes.
You may be saying to yourself, “But Phil,” which is an odd thing to say to yourself, ‘how can I help you become President of the free world?” Lighten up Francis, I don’t want to be President of the free world. I just want to be President of Common Sense. Here’s how you can help elect a normal human being to public office. 1. Keep reading my blog posts. 2. When you go back to your Facebook page click the “Share” button under the status update where you find this. That’s right, you , me, and the awesome power of the interwebs will bring common sense back to government. I plan to campaign solely using the internet. Blogging, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and any other method that doesn’t require me or you to leave our couch. I will debate my opponents by Skype if necessary, but I will not, I repeat, NOT send any of you any pictures of me in any state of undress. I will not spend taxpayer dollars to pay for any illicit recreational pursuits, and I will not “tickle” anyone. Have you heard any other candidates make these promises? Bueller? Bueller?… Romney?Palin? Obama? Nope. Not a one has promised not to send you naked pictures, except me.
If you want a President that stands for common sense and well… a Weiner free Facebook, click “Retweet”, ‘Share’, and Like knowing with confidence that you and your friends are one click closer to government that makes sense.
#PHIL2020
What a shame I'm not on Facebook and I don't Twitter otherwise I may have voted for you.
Could be an issue that I live in the UK though.
But The Daily Show and Colbert Report would have been sooo much less fun last week without the Weiner story.
What, no tickling either in your term? At least give us free alcohol…
You say you won't send us questionable pics now, but how can we be sure the stress of common sense won't get to you and we find your unmentionables in our inbox.