I’m Freshly Pissed!

This blog is dedicated to myself and all the other erstwhile bloggers who have toiled long and hard writing interesting and engaging blog posts but have nary an official award to show for it.


For my friends who visit me here from Facebook or TwitterFreshly Pressed is an honor awarded to people who aren’t as brilliant and funny as I am a blog post by the trolls people that ‘run’ WordPress like their own cool kids clique in high school. The honor of having your post Freshly Pressed means that it is part of a featured list on WordPress that is read by thousands and you get a Freshly Pressed badge that you can post in your sidebar for all eternity so you can lord it over the have nots, telling them  “I’m better than you”.

You know how the government has the “Do Not Fly” list? I’m pretty sure that WordPress has a “Do Not Press” list and if I wasn’t on it before I’m pretty sure I just got moved to the top of that list. Is it just me or are a lot of you sick and tired of reading blogs that begin with ‘I was on WordPress two weeks when my post was Freshly Pressed,” or “I’ve been Freshly Pressed three times.”  Well la-de da, aren’t you special?

Lest you think this is just sour grapes from an envious non-award winner, I once had a post that I shared on Reddit that got over 16,000 views in a day and spent over 24 hours ranked #1 in the Humor category. How can the Freshly Pressed overlords say something that gets that kind of reaction isn’t good enough?

I’m sure that this weekend the Freshly Pressed feed will be filled with hundreds of touching stories about great fathers.  Well la-de-da, aren’t you special? What if you never got your father’s or WordPress’s approval?  I’m creating a new award for all of us who have created  great posts that are creative, thought-provoking, funny, and original, and have never received the Freshly Pressed award that we so obviously deserve. My, nay, OUR award is the Freshly Pissed award. You can award it to yourself or another blogger who has never been Freshly Pressed but who obviously deserves it.

Just steal the picture at the top of this post and put it on your blog or send it to a fellow blogger you think deserves recognition. That’s right. I created that original, but unlike the tyrannical aristocracy of Freshly Pressed who hand out their precious awards as if they’re giving away Nobel Prizes, I want everyone to have it if they want.  (You know who else is going to be Freshly Pissed? My wife when she sees that I got permanent marker on a coffee mug making the picture)

If you can put it in your sidebar, great. I wish I knew how. If you do award yourself or others, let me know in the comments and I’ll compile the Freshly Pissed  list and post it on my blog later this week so that all of us who are Freshly Pissed can visit each other.  Keep in mind though that if you ever do win a Freshly Pressed you are out of the club. No soup for you!

If you like the idea please share by re-blogging. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

109 responses to “I’m Freshly Pissed!

  1. Um, let’s say someone got Freshly Pressed, but has no idea how they got chosen. Especially over their brilliant, talented blogfriends. Can they still join out of solidarity? Because they like the badge too 🙂

  2. This is awesome. I was so thinking of doing something like this and also for all those awards thingees and the people who are like, “3,000 followers in just 2 months. Come one people! Like I don’t feel like sticking my head in the toilet already!! If I wasn’t technologically challenged I would so stick that in my side bar!

    • Notice this award isn’t one of those where you have to stand on your head, answer ten questions, juggle three chainsaws and tag 42 of your friends? I hate those.

      • Yes, I did notice that. Exactly what I mean!

      • Hey, get this, I think that WordPress is trying to get back at me for my post. The stats currently say I have 102 views but only 4 visitors. I’m sure they’ve seen my post and they’re screwing with me.

      • That always happens. One day I got 117 views and 1 visitor. My husband and I always lament that. I don’t think those are very accurate. Oh no!! Delete immediately or WP police will be after me as well!!

  3. No Freshly Presses for me either in over 2 years of blogging! I love the Mr. Yuk inspired design. I was going to mock the whole Freshly Pressed concept at some point in time, but I’ll never do it as well as you just did. Bravo!

  4. LOL!!! I made a “Not Freshly Pressed Award” and a “Nosey Award” so this really cracks me up! Nice job!

  5. Because I’ve read your hilarious (and Freshly Pressed-worthy) posts before, I was smart enough to put my coffee down before bursting into laughter. Love, love, love the badge. He really does look pissed.

  6. Reblogged this on The English Professor at Large and commented:
    For those Un-Freshly Pressed, Unite!
    The Phil Factor is giving us an award.

  7. Freshly Pressed. I am woefully ignorant about its machinations. If it is awarded for original, creative blogs and popularity, I cannot understand why you have not been so honored. I’m re-blogging because, as usual, I’m enjoying your humor.

  8. I gave up on that happening awhile back. A year and a half blogging and sometimes I just stay in my own little corner, mumbling my own little brillaint soliloquies. Ha! In over a year and a half I doubt WordPress remembers I exist, even though I write to them constantly about the program ejecting new posts at will so that I have yo keep retrieving and re posting them. Hmmmm. Perhaps that’s why….hey, I even bought the Premium pkg, wanting to be a team player and all…still the ejections continue, i love your award. It is classic! BTW don’t visit me today. So eone Id early love gave me an award and well, it is up there. I think I have a few collectiing dust. They are just so time consuming. In the time it takes to follow thrpe rules I could visit a dozen blogs and leave happy little re share messages. Your badge is perfect for all occasions too. After all, who among us isn’t Freshly Pissed about something? 😉

  9. On winning: Over fifty years ago I won a deck of miniature playing cards playing bingo while in a military hospital in England. So far that’s been a lifetime achievement. Go, Freshly Pissed.

  10. Haha too funny. I gave up on hoping for Freshly Pressed weeks ago.

  11. Ha ha, great idea! I’m also one of the non-Freshly Pressed masses, though I stopped wondering why and being bitter a while ago. This has reminded me that I shouldn’t have 😉 Linda.

  12. Woohoo! An award for the likes of me…awesome! 😀 (I love, love, love this idea.)

  13. This is great. I’d rather be “Freshly Pissed” than “Freshly Pressed” any day!

  14. Garry Armstrong

    You are certainly appreciated at this address.

  15. Preach it, brother!

  16. One fellow did a post about the nightmare of being freshly pressed. Imagine replying to thousands of comments and making the obligatory visits to the commenters’ blogs and matching your new follows to the new follows to you. Took the guy months. I think he finally closed his blog and started a new one notifying just his regulars.

    • That is a good point. Be careful what you wish for, you might actually get it. Heck, I’m having a hard time just keeping up with the comments on this post today. Thanks for stopping by Carl!

  17. Phil, you rock!
    This post sheds a certain light (and wit). I started blogging last September and have read many blogs since. I follow the work of some wonderful writers, artists, and photographers.
    I have found the Freshly Pressed (and other awards) rather mysterious. Bloggers who beg their readers to nominate them for awards also fascinate me. I can hear Thoreau from the Great Beyond redefining what it is to “lead a life of [loud] desperation.”
    Award-winning Mac Truck bloggers have rolled over my sensibility numerous times—to my amusement:
    –the witless who think themselves “witty”
    –the trite who believe they are “deep”
    –the overly self-confessional who think themselves “sensitive”
    –the grammarless “artistes” who think they are producing high art by breaking “rules” (News flash: you need to know rules to break rules—a fundamental creative writing fact.)
    –the “poets” who are capable of using only abstract words and an overload of modifiers sans the basics of imagery, concrete language, structure, and figures of speech (e.g., metaphors, similes, alliteration, assonance, hyperbole, personification, understatement, paradox, irony)
    –the “wunderkind” who consider themselves brilliant because they can post five inane paragraphs per day
    –the dilettantes who pose as wise and well-learned
    –the ego-maniacs obsessed with the pronouns “me,” “myself,” and “I”
    –the mommies who drone on endlessly about their “gifted” offspring (Note: I enjoy many delightful blogs by parents; however, boring mom blogs far outnumber them.)
    –the “politically conscious” who are blowhards incapable of passing a fifth-grade forensic class, using a dictionary, or distinguishing between inductive and deductive logic (They cherry pick facts as ardently as the functionless current Congress.)
    Okay. I will stop. Please feel free to add to the list while I design another award: “Smacked by the Mac Truck of Freshly Pressed Bloggers.”
    On another note: A Harvard study—”International and U.S. State Trends in Student Performance”—stated that American students rank #14 in reading. This free-fall has occurred for two or three decades. Now that gives me pause: who are the “readers” giving hundreds of “likes” to inept bloggers who post a pseudo glib one-liner with a crappy photo?
    Is winning a “Freshly Pressed” award as auspicious as winning a “People’s Choice” award?
    Do sheep follow sheep?

  18. So funny. I’ve never read freshly pressed except for the two or three by people I already know and can’t imagine myself joining them!

  19. The ones I have read who were Fresly Pressed didn’t seem Fresh; nor was I imPressed.

  20. Awesome! I appreciate this. So much!

  21. Wow! I just read through the comment section and I have never laughed as hard……

  22. Sure why not…… I have been defying authority all my life…..let this be a new notch on that belt…..

  23. Yay! Someone who understands, and recognises those of us toiling away in the dark. Thanks to The English Professor for re-blogging this, or I would have gone through life never knowing about you. 🙂

  24. Awesome idea Phil. And yes, your posts are hilarious and deserve to be Freshly Pressed!

  25. Refreshing!

  26. A refreshing perspective which brings a ray of sunshine into the lives of all those who continue to chug along blogging in a self- freshly-pressed state!

  27. I’m still snort-laughing over my coffee this morning – loved your post! I, too, have been feeling unloved, unworthy and rejected – my thoughtful brilliance hidden behind my fear of ho-hum mediocrity… Thanks for the change in perspective!

  28. Now I’m earnestly hoping I never get Freshing Pressed (as if there was any risk of that happening!!!). Your club sounds so much more interesting. Let the un(im)pressed of the world unite 🙂

  29. This is delightful! I, too, am of the non-Freshly Pressed club so I gladly join this one. Thanks to the English Professor for re-blogging. May your days now be Freshly Peaced! Blessings!

  30. I figure I’ll never get Freshly Pressed because I write about things that are a wee bit too adult in nature.

    And I’m ok with this 😉

  31. I love this!!!

  32. Finally! A group to which i belong 🙂

  33. I am sooooo glad you are giving out an award that I don’t have to answer a bunch of questions and then find new blogs to give it to. And as for Freshly Pressed? I bet I wouldn’t even qualify since I’m a self-hosted WP blog. May I still have a Freshly Pissed award? (ps, I get so discouraged when I see blogs that started when I did and have zillions of followers and tons of comments… 😛 ) BUT!… I’m glad I found you (from the English Professor at Large) so I can have a dose or two of funny! (This post is hilarious, now to check out and see if it’s a fluke… 😉 ) Cheers and nice to meet you!

    • Of course you can be Freshly Pissed! It’s an award for everyone who wants one whether you’re self-hosted or not. Here’s to hoping this post isn’t a fluke. Thanks for stopping by. I’ll follow you too.

  34. You may not have gotten the “FP” – it shall not be named – award, but you certainly have hit the Jackpot with interested readers. Coming up on my 3rd year of my blog. No “FP” for me. Disappointing, but not the end of the world. 😉 Love your award and your post.

  35. Pingback: Who Is Freshly Pissed? | The Phil Factor

  36. Hahaha! This is awesome and so true!

  37. As a “freshly pressed” blogger, may I be “freshly pissed” as well? I seems more prestigious and definitely funnier.
    And I’d also like to award you six other blog awards as well. Here they are:
    And I have actually decided to invent a blog award of my own called the BHB award. This stands for Bloody Hilarious Blog award. More information will be coming soon!

  38. As usual I’m a little late joining the party here but just found your blog via the delightful FirstNightDesign’s Sarah Vernon. I’m (only slightly) ashamed to say I looked at this post first because I’m English and the word ‘pissed’ has a totally different, falling over, giggling, meaning for us and I was expecting an inebriated look at awards and other such twaddle. I like your version of ‘pissed’ just as much and I shall award myself a cranky looking coffee mug in anticipation of a Freshlypressed-less future.

    • How do you know that I wasn’t freshly pissed when I wrote that? I might have been. Anyway, welcome to The Phil Factor Jane. It’s nice to meet you. I will certainly follow you back!

      • Ah Mr Taylor, how delightful to have you visit! I’ll put the kettle on for some tea in a minute but I’m actually still over at your place trying to work out who Kim Kardashian is? (It’s very quiet here in rural France) That Hemsworth fellow looks a total turnip btw I understand you must be seriously pissed about that one!

      • Mr. Taylor? I didn’t realize we were on such formal terms. Please call me Phil. Rural France sounds nice. I could use some quiet. I made my first visit to both England and France just over 6 months ago and loved both. I hope to return someday. Until then I shall have to enjoy your blog.

      • You will be most welcome Monsieur Phil, anytime you wish to drop by, can’t guarantee to be as entertaining as your good self, but my pictures are quite nice and I make a mean cream cake! Who is Kim Kardashian by the way?

      • Kim Kardashian is a rich, pretty woman who’s famous for marrying people she thinks will make her more famous.

      • That explains so much and so little ! I suspect from your photo that she has a couple of other outstanding assets which have careers of their own perhaps?

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  40. Maybe it’d be nice to be freshly pressed. I don’t know. But I’m with Carl on the work that it would entail. Most of my comments end up as lengthy as blog posts and I don’t know that I could cope with visiting so many others and having to return comments on them all.
    I suppose everyone wants to be FP in the hope that their work is more widely viewed and followers breed followers but from the few I know who have been FP it doesn’t necessarily apply. They get loads of attention for one post that got noticed then folk slink off into the background despite having followed.
    I like the slow build. But I also like your badge. And there are loads of reasons I do get genuinely pissed so I might just snaffle it for that. I could attach it to a blog post every time I’m doing a rant on something that’s pissed me off. Folk would then be warned that I was off on one again and avoid it like the plague. Unless they like rants, in which case, it has dual purpose.
    I’m liking it more and more.
    Just like your site. No FP badge brought me here. But I’ll definitely be sticking around.
    That means more to me than Freshly Pressed ever could.
    I wonder if it’s possible to notify WP, ‘Please don’t press me. I can’t be arsed with the work’.

    • I’m all in for a good rant. Please notify me whenever you have one. You’re hilariously funny so I’ll always try to read your posts, but despite my best efforts sometimes I miss even my favorites.

  41. Humour is god’s/nature’s/the cosmos’ way of making sure we don’t stab politicians and people who piss us off. Got to laugh or we’d do jail time. Well, I would. And that would be a public toilet too far. I’d be bunged up till time served.
    I’m thinking of doing a bloggy post now highlighting funny folk. Hoping to reduce the homicide figures and put an end to war. Feck Freshly Pressed. I’m in for a Nobel Peace Prize. #aimhigh 😉

  42. Hilarious! Very creative and just what all of us spiteful bloggers need.

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