Category Archives: Uncategorized

Sexiest Man Alive?!!?

Chris Evans ogling Elizabeth Olsen

Hey People Magazine, really? Is this what it’s come to? You’re giving Sexiest Man Alive to Chris Evans? What happened, did you run out of Hemsworths? No, you did not. Luke Hemsworth is still out there and you picked this guy?!!? Apparently anyone who gets a job in a Marvel movie is eligible to be Sexiest Man Alive. And here he is in that picture ogling the wholesome Elizabeth Olsen, my favorite of the Olsen twins. I expect the Sexiest Man Alive to exhibit better decorum than that. I ask you People Magazine, are there any pictures circulating on the interwebs of me lasciviously eyeing an Olsen twin?  No there is not.

Normally, in addition to mocking the current Sexiest Man Alive, I would make my case as to why I should have been chosen. This year I’d like to nominate a few other candidates that I feel are far more deserving of the award than Chris Evans, me, or any Hemsworth you might dig up.

Volodymyr Zelensky went from lawyer to comedian to President of a small country that most people didn’t think much about until last February. He has lead his small country against a huge country with infinitely more resources and is impossibly holding their own despite limited help from other countries. When the United States offered to fly him out of his country early in the war, he replied “The fight is here. I need ammunition, not a ride.”  That’s better than any line Chris Evans ever uttered in a movie. I can’t tell you how many women I know that immediately thought Volodymyr was sexy AF.

This man is heroic but is not married to Savannah Guthrie…yet

You know how there are hundreds of movies about airplane pilots passing out or whatever and some random passenger takes over and with the help of air traffic control folks over  the radio manages to land a plane and save everyone’s life? This guy, Darren Harrison, did just that in real life. That is effing sexier than making a superhero movie.

This man is the Sexiest Man Alive to cancer patients.

How about some more love for platelet donors? Platelet donors save the lives of countless cancer patients. It’s not a comfortable process. It takes about two hours and you can’t move your arms the whole time.  You’re also really cold because they take your blood out of one arm, filter the platelets out of the blood and then put that blood, now much cooler, back in through the other arm. So for two hours you’re cold, you’ve got needles in both arms, and you can’t move to scratch an itch. It’s like a kind of torture. But there are people that do it every two weeks, saving countless lives of people they don’t even know. At the end they get some juice and free Cheez-Its.

People like Zelenskyy, Darren Harrison, and every platelet donor ought to be winning awards and being put on magazine covers instead of  some pampered pretty boy who memorized a few lines.

Have a great Sunday, and go donate some platelets or just whole blood if you can! In the States, American Red Cross donation centers are open now. ~Phil

The Top Ten Best Sitcom Thanksgiving Episodes

Don’t we all love the holiday episodes of our favorite shows? If you’re not into football, then dial up Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime TV on Thursday and watch these ten laugh out loud episodes from the past that will entertain you all day long.  I’ve only included ones that I’ve seen, so if you can think of some others, say so in the comments! I apologize to my international readers that this list is American centric. If you can think of your favorite holiday episodes from your country, please put them in the comments so we can discover new shows!

10. Cheers: Thanksgiving Orphans, Season 5, episode 9.

Everyone’s plans coincidentally fall through, as they only can on a sit-comand Carla hosts dinner for the gang. It ends in an epic food fight where we nearly get to see Norm’s wife, Vera. Find it on Amazon, Netflix and Hulu

9. The Office, WUPHF.com, season 7, episode 9.

Dwight hosts a fall festival in the parking lot so he can crown himself Hay King while Ryan tries to sell the office on his uber-connectivity app WUPHF.com. Find it on Netflix.

8. New Girl, season 4 episode 9, Bangsgiving

This episode features the gang staying home for Thanksgiving in their L.A. loft. As fate would have it, they all happen to be single at the time, so they set up a Secret Santa sort of arrangement where they draw names from a hat and they have to invite a Bangsgiving date for the person they picked. Hijinks ensue. Find it on Peacock.

7. South Park, season 4 episode 13, Hellen Keller! The Musical

I think that the title, Hellen Keller! The Musical says all you need to know about this. Find it on HBOMax.

6. That 70’s Show, season 1, episode 9, Thanksgiving

THAT ’70S SHOW

Eric gets hit on by his sister’s slutty friend and Donna is not happy about it. Eric’s mom Kitty is stressed about Red’s mom coming to dinner and they both forget to pick her up. Find it on Amazon Prime Video

5. Seinfeld, season 6, episode 8, The Mom and Pop store

Elaine helps her boss, Mr. Pitt, win a contest to pilot the Woody Woodpecker balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. His joy is short lived when Jerry drops an Empire State Building statue out of Tim Whatley’s window and punctures the Woody Woodpecker balloon. In this episode Jerry walks around in a new pair of slippery cowboy boots and George buys a LeBaron convertible that he believes belonged to actor Jon Voight. Find it on Netflix.

4. WKRP in Cincinnati, season 1 episode 7, Turkeys Away

Yes, this is definitely an oldie, but it’s definitely one of the funniest Thanksgiving episodes of any show I’ve ever seen. If you don’t know the WKRP in Cincinnati series, it’s definitely worth a watch, and this episode is laugh out loud funny. Find it on AppleTV and Amazon Prime.

3. Roseanne, season 4 episode 10, We Gather Together

The Connors always knew how to make great holiday episodes. Their Halloween episodes are legendary and their Thanksgivings aren’t far behind. Find it on Amazon Prime Video.

2. How I Met Your Mother, season 3 episode 9, Slapsgiving

Due to a bet from a previous season, Marshall won the right to slap Barney 5 times over the rest of their lifetimes. He decides that Thanksgiving, aka Slapsgiving, is just the right day after building the suspense for weeks. At the end actor Jason Segal plays the piano and sings a song about the slap.

1. Friends, The One with All the Thanksgivings, Season 5, Episode 8

This episode of course has Monica with the turkey on her head, but it’s also got a bunch of fun flashbacks from the gangs Thanksgivings as well as their distant past. Find it on Netflix.

That’s my Top Ten. If you’ve got some favorite Thanksgiving episodes from other shows, please put them in the comments ! I hope you’re having a great weekend! ~Phil

Daylight Stupid Time

This is my bi-annual reminder that tomorrow night in the United States we move our clocks back by an hour and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 120 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about ten years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

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B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks back an hour now but we turn them ahead in the Spring over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anythying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2024

The Riveting Plot of Every Hallmark Movie

Yes, I know many of you are familiar with this post from previous years, but I have to re-post it. It gets thousands of views every year from google searches. As far as blog posts go, this is one of my classics.

Yes, it’s that time of year. “Christmas?” you say. No, Christmas is just a secondary annoyance. To all the people born with at least one romantic bone in their body and a high tolerance for mediocre acting, November is the most wonderful time of the year. It’s Hallmark Christmas movie time! Or as Lacey Chabert, Dean Cain and Candace Cameron Bure call it, “The only time we make any money.”

Being married to one of these Hallmark movie loving people, I’ve inadvertently seen several Hallmark Christmas movies and I couldn’t help but notice that each unique Hallmark Christmas movie has the exact same plot as every other Hallmark movie. To save you from having to watch the actual movies, here’s how it goes:

Guy or gal who left home several years ago is very successful at some high falutin’ job in a big city somewhere, then they come back to their Smalltown, USA hometown for Thanksgiving or a funeral. Oh no! Their family’s business is failing! Or maybe beloved Uncle Walt passed away and they’re going to lose the farm! What? The only way they can save the farm, family business or special hometown festival is if the impossibly attractive person stays longer than they planned. Maybe until Christmas! I can’t believe it. What are the chances of that?!!?

Successful and attractive returning guy or gal runs into the sister or brother of a friend they knew in high school. He or she “was just a kid back then” but now they’re “all grown up” and they’ve really blossomed into a hunk or a hottie. At first they may not like each other but everyone else can see the obvious chemistry. Despite the fact that they annoy each other, they have to work together to save the business, ranch, town  or whatever. There’s always something that needs saving.

Of course it will all inevitably lead to a playful snowball fight between the two in the town square where they will tumble into a pile of egregiously fake snow and look longingly into each others eyes.

Guess what everyone, that’s the plot of every episode of The Gilmore Girls too. You’re welcome. I’ve just saved you the trouble of watching every single Hallmark movie this year. But you know what? I know you’re going to watch them. It’s as inevitable as that moment when the returning hometown hero says “this is where I’ve wanted to be all along” as they finally kiss their new love and gaze at the Christmas tree.  Cue Christmas music and fade out to credits.

Ugh. Those movies are so fake sugary, saccharin sweet that they should have a disclaimer warning diabetics not to watch them. Really, I’m not a Grinch. I love the holidays and I mock them because I love them. Just like you. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Ten Ways People Ruin Halloween

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. If I wasn’t a full grown adult I’d dress up and go Trick or Treating. I do have some pet peeves though about people who don’t share my love of this holiday.

pumpkin

10. “Fun Size” candy: There is nothing fun about a candy bar so small that it wouldn’t give a sugar rush to a hummingbird. For cripes sake! It’s once a year, you can splurge for the full size.

9. Turning Out Your Lights: Are you the house that turns out your lights and hides in a back room pretending you’re not home? We hate you and you deserve to have your house egged.

8. Making it about religion: Lighten up Francis! (If you know what movie that quote came from put your answer in the comments) The kids aren’t worshiping Satan, they’re worshiping a sugar buzz. Once someone in my neighborhood was handing out popcorn balls with religious notes attached to them. If I knew who it was I’d have called the police.

This isn’t me, but I wish it was

7. Handing out popcorn balls or apples or pencils or McDonald’s coupons. When I was a kid we were told never to take the apples because there might be a razor blade in them. Now the health food nuts are giving them out like candy.

6. Not having Halloween in your neighborhood: I hate when groups of parents decide they’ll have a neighborhood party or that the kids will trick or treat at the local shopping mall. Geez! How did these people grow up and at what age did the demon suck out their souls? Theirs are the kids who will rebel later and get arrested for egging houses or putting flaming bags of poop on someone’s front porch.

5. Not allowing re-visits: If a kid has the endurance and initiative to make a second lap around the neighborhood, more power to them! They’re getting exercise. If they have a different costume second time around I give bonus candy.

4. Adults who don’t dress up: If you don’t wear something Halloweeny to work on today or refuse to answer your door for the kids tonight then just click out of this page, close your browser and don’t ever come back.

3. Women who think men don’t respect the sexy Halloween costumes: Memo to ladies: Men hate cutesy couples costumes. Let us be Batman or an Army guy and you can be the Sexy Nurse, Sexy Zombie, Sexy Football Player, Slutty Pumpkin. (Btw, if you get the Slutty Pumpkin reference put it in the comments) Whatever. We don’t care. Just dress up and let your inner sexy self out.

2. People who don’t decorate their house: I want to start a neighborhood where over the top Halloween decorating is mandatory. If you don’t, you have to move out immediately or the rest of the neighbors will egg and toilet paper your house every day until next Halloween.

1. The fixed Oct. 31st date: When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that Halloween will occur on the last Saturday of September regardless of the date. In September so there’s better weather for the kids to go out and on the last Saturday so we can all have parties, the kids can stay up late and we can all relax, sleep in and take down our decorations the next day.

As always if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please feel free to share. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

The Top Ten Ways to Tell if You Are A Boomer

I don’t think being a certain age means that you’re a “boomer”. My impression is that boomers are the Karens of people over 50. (Although, I think every Karen no matter what age is a Boomer) Being a boomer isn’t a specific age though, it’s more a state of mind.  There are still cool people over 50, and there are 40 year olds that act like Boomers.  Here are the top ten ways to know if you are a Boomer:

10. If you’re not worried that you might be a boomer, you’re either getting your student loans forgiven, or you’re already too far gone. Boomers are blissfully unaware that their Brady Bunch quotes might not be relevant to their grandkids. C’mon, who remembers “pork chops and applesauce”? Am I right?

9. If you just googled “Boomers age range“, you might be a Boomer. (And happily, I’m still in the Gen X range.)

8. If someone calls you Karen, and you try to correct them with your real name, you might be a Boomer. 

7. If you still buy batteries for your Jitterbug flip phone, you might be a Boomer. 

6. If you watch 60 Minutes on both the clock and the tv, you are definitely a Boomer.  

5. If you’re wearing Skechers right now: If it’s too much work to bend over and tie your shoes, you might be a Boomer.

4. If you use a three foot long shoe horn to put your Skechers on, you might be a boomer. To be honest, if you use any kind of shoe horn, you are totally a Boomer.

3. If you still have the same blog that you started in 2005 instead of a TikTok, you might be a Boomer. (present company excluded of course)

2. If you’ve never had tendonitis from playing video games, you might be a Boomer. 

1.  If you ever start any sentence with the words “In my day…” you are definitely a boomer. Also, if you are insulted by any of these, you are….

Hopefully whether you’re a boomer or not, you found some humor in this. If you didn’t, then you might be a Karen/Boomer! If you’ve got other Boomer jokes feel free to add them in the comments.

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

The Top Ten Scariest Movies of All Time

The Hocus Pocus 2 (<== click for trailer) movie came out last week and women everywhere ran straight to their TV’s. Is Hocus Pocus 1 or 2 on this list? Of course not. They’re not scary, just scary bad!

Feeling in the mood for some Halloween scares? Check out the movies on this list, created from a painstaking culling of countless online lists of scary movies. These are the ten that appeared most often on most of the lists. I posted this list last year and it resulted in a lot of suggestions for other great scary movies. Feel free to add your two cents in the comments.

Psycho-1960-Alfred-Hitchcock-Bates-Motel-pic-51

10. Psycho (1960) Believe it or not, this one almost didn’t make the list. This is a classic that has spawned countless imitations.

9. It (2017) The Stephen King classic was brought back about a month ago and it is seriously creepy. There were at least five times during the movie when I got goosebumps because it was so creepy and suspenseful. Watching this will not help your clown fear at all.

myers-h6

8. Halloween (1978) Although Mike Myers later went on to bigger fame and fortune on Saturday Night Live and Wayne’s World, this movie has stood the test of time.

7. The Omen (1976) I never saw this, but if it’s got Gregory Peck it must be good. I hope it has Boo Radley too.

Pazuzu

6. The Exorcist (1973) Talk about an ugly duckling! She later went on to become Miss Nevada. First time I saw this I was completely freaked out. me and my friends didn’t sleep all night. At the time I was also sure that a film like this would never be allowed in Canada.

5. Rosemary’s Baby (1968) I’m sure this was terrifying for all the old timey folks in 1968. Ironically, Mia Farrow played Rosemary, a woman impregnated by Satan. Many years later the baby she adopted with Woody Allen would later marry Woody Allen. I’m starting to think that Mia isn’t a very good mother.

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4. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) I started this series with Part 3 but went back and watched them all. I find a villian who can get you in your dreams to be the scariest of all. Sadly, some idiots made a remake of this in 2010. Did anyone see that? Me neither.

3. The Shining (1980) A cool classic. Nobody plays crazy quite like Jack Nicholson.

p-jack-the-shining-axe[1]

2. 28 Days Later (2002) A zombie movie from 2002 before zombies were cool. I haven’t seen this one, but it showed up so regularly in my research I want to see it now.

alien-movie-poster

1. Alien (1979) This one surprised me by being on almost every list. The suspense is painful and who can forget the tag line “In space no one can hear you scream.”

So what’s your favorite scary movie? Do you like being scared? What’s scarier, the books or the movies? What would you add to this list?

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

It’s The Great Pumpkin Spice Latte Charlie Brown

I was also going to name this “A Pumpkin Flavored Phil Factor”. It’s that time of year, again. Sigh.  It has begun. Pumpkin flavored everything is back in stores! WTH? Seriously, are pumpkins such a wonderful delicacy that we have to flavor EVERYTHING with them? Why pumpkin? Is there any other time of year where a flavor takes over the country for a couple months? Around the winter holidays why isn’t there nog flavored everything? Around St. Patrick’s Day we’ve got our Shamrock Shakes, but that’s about it. How about this? I’m going to give you a list of ten pumpkin flavored items below and you try to guess which one isn’t real.

1. Coffee

2. Beer

3. Donuts

4. Candy

5. Soda pop

6. Potato chips

7. Pasta

8. Cookies

9.  Vodka

10. Smoothies

Guess what? They all are real! That’s too much pumpkin flavored stuff. What’s next, pumpkin-flavored fish sandwiches at McDonald’s? This time of year it’s actually an effort not to accidentally eat something pumpkin flavored. This madness must end!  When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating that any company that produces a pumpkin flavored food item has to have it approved through a special sub-committee and if it is just too stupid of an idea they will not be allowed to sell it. If you know of any other odd pumpkin flavored foods or drinks please share them in a comment.

As always, if you enjoy what you read at #ThePhilFactor and want to support my bid for President, or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons.

Welcome to Phil’s NyQuil Chicken Restaurant!

NyQuil Chicken

(This is a proactive disclaimer for those who take everything waaay to seriously: This entire blog post is a joke. I am probably not seriously suggesting you do anything I say here. You’re an adult. Think for yourself.)

Does anyone remember my post from four years ago about snorting Tide Pods? This has an eerie familiarity. Yes, TikTok, the arbiter of all things cool, has brought us the NyQuil chicken challenge!  At first I wondered if bored farmers were giving their chickens NyQuil and then watched them fall asleep. Knowing famers, I was a little worried what they might do to those chickens after they fell asleep. But no, there are no victims.

People are making chicken with NyQuil and it puts them to sleep. You know what else it does? It makes people feel better when they have a cold or flu! Is that so bad? I don’t think so, which is why I’m going to open a restaurant where I serve many popular dishes with different medications mixed in.

What could be better than that when you’re sick? Go to a restaurant feeling lousy, have your favorite meal and you feel better later? It’s like a Walgreens Pharmacy and Red Lobster had a baby!

The Medicine Restaurant and Bar in Birmingham, England

Come in. Let me take you to your table. Have a seat. I will need your medical history before you order. We don’t want any of those pesky allergic reactions. Take a look at the menu:

All pictures are not mine and were “borrowed” from better websites than mine.

NyQuil Chicken: A beautiful chicken breast grilled with olive oil, Mediterranean spices and NyQuil. Guaranteed to satisfy your palate, relieve cold symptoms and help you get a good nights sleep.

Ritalin Redfish

Ritalin Redfish Cajun Style: Enjoy this savory sea treat with cajun spices that will wake up your tongue while the Ritalin wakes up your brain. Please consult your physician before finishing your appetizer.

Anxiety Alfredo

Anxiety Alfredo: Feeling a little anxious or over-stressed? Nothing calms my mind more than a bowl of pasta, especially when it has a little something extra soothing for your nerves. Feeling a little too gonzo? Maybe you need a little benzo. It’s what gives our alfredo that silky smooth aftertaste.

Tepezza Taco Tuesday: Problems with your thyroid? Are your eyes looking a little too big? Then stop by for Tepezza Taco Tuesday! If you’ve got two eyes you get two tacos for the price of one! (Tepezza did not give me consent to use the name of their medication.)

I’m just getting started. Wait until you see the drink menu. You don’t need to tip our waitresses but please pay your copay on the way out.

Anywho, it’s up to you if you add meds to your food, but please consult your physician and don’t take me seriously.

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

In Honor of the Queen

You may think I’m funny here occasionally, but apparently Queen Elizabeth was renown for her sense of humor. In a way, she and I were a match made in heaven. She was English and Scottish, and I’m of English and Scottish descent as well. And most importantly, we appreciate a good joke. That’s why I think that she would have enjoyed The Phil Factor. Who knows, she may have. My blog was once mentioned during an English bloggers interview on a radio show in the second largest city in England.

Pic courtesy of Stuff.co.nz

Aside from our shared love of humor, Queen Elizabeth made many appearances on The Phil Factor over the years. Her first mention on this blog was in the post The Poop at Home People The fact that I didn’t hear any complaints from the Queen mum told me that she liked the attention she received from being on The Phil Factor.

She appeared again on The Phil Factor about a year and a half later in the post titled Brexit Stage Leftwhere I also joined her in this picture:

She found this quite funny. Her next appearance on #ThePhilFactor, was in one of the all time most popular Phil Factor posts titled: Who Wants Celebrity Nipples? I thought that might offend her, and was fearful of “disappearing” after a visit from Scotland Yard. But, I’m still here, so again, I assume that she enjoyed her growing notoriety in the blogosphere.

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Another classic Queen Mum appearance came in my post If I Was The Royal Wedding Planner when Meghan and Harry got married four years ago. Seriously Liz, I apologize for the critique of your lime green outfit, but c’mon! You’re the effing Queen. Lime green is not a royal color.

Lovely Liz, as I call her, appeared on The Phil Factor again in March of 2019 in the post The Queen is Drunk Right Now . And you’re damn right that she liked a few cocktails every single day. She was the Queen, or the big Q as her friends called her. Four gin and tonics a day. Every. Single. Day.  The old gal could hold her liquor better than I could.

Thank you to reader Kim Steward for alerting me to THIS VIDEO from Huffpost that features her longtime security guard telling a very funny story about Queen Elizabeth meeting some Americans who didn’t know who she was.

In my December 2020 Psychic Predictions for 2021 I speculated that Queen Liz was an alien who would live forever. Unfortunately, I was wrong on that one. I love the picture above this paragraph because it’s Queen Elizabeth laughing. She was crowned Queen of England at age 25 when her father, the king, passed away. I imagine that the crown felt particularly heavy on her young head, and yet for the next 70 years she was the epitome of grace and the symbol of a nation. In spite of that weight, or maybe because of it, she liked a good laugh. If I could I’d raise my glass, with gin and tonic, and toast her life. Thank you Elizabeth, you made the world a better place.

~Phil