Category Archives: Uncategorized

Daylight Stupid Time

This is my bi-annual reminder that tonight in the United States we move our clocks back by an hour and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 120 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about ten years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks ahead an hour now but we turn them back in the Fall, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anythying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

The Unemployment Diaries: The Final Installment

Hi everyone! I’m still out here and alive. I’ve actually been back to work for a little over three months but wasn’t blogging much due to the stress, time and travel of the new job. This is a video blog I made about four months ago about the idiocy and proliferation of podcasts but never posted it until now. If you love to hate podcasts, then this is right up your alley. Although, if you do have an alley, I’m kind of jealous. Anyway, enjoy! #ThePhilFactor

Do We Really Need All These Podcasts? 

Have a great Thursday and feel free to leave comments! I’d love to hear your thoughts on podcasts. ~Phil

Music Monday! It’s Time For Billie Joe To Wake Up

I’m back with the most appropriate song ever for today, and it’s from my favorite band, whom I will be seeing in Toronto next August with Fall Out Boy, and Weezer. Honestly, I don’t know why Billie Joe Armstron wanted to be woken up “when September ends.”  For me, September is when summer ends and Fall begins. If I wrote the song it would be “Wake Me Up When March Ends.” Hmm…maybe I’ve just thought of a new hit song… Have a great Monday! ~Phil

Coming Soon!

It’s the long awaited sequel to Time To Lie!

Landon has only scratched the surface…

Landon barely survived his freshman year at college, and he’s discovering that he has only scratched the surface of his time traveling powers. He plans to do good with his newfound powers, but a murderous pair of mystery men would kill to stop him.

His hilarious friends are back with him for his sophomore year at college and as he’s making new friends, he’s also learning that no one can be trusted, maybe not even those in his inner circle.

Landon meets a beguiling but mysterious girl who intrigues him with the possibility that she can see inside his soul and into the future. Is she for real, and will she steal him away from his beloved Siobhan?

There’s treachery at every turn and Landon is in a time traveling fight for his life and many others. He knows that he can’t do this alone, but who can he trust?

The truth is just a lie you’ve chosen to believe, and yours may be different than mine.

If you enjoyed the first one, you’re in for plenty of new surprises in this one. If you didn’t read the Time To Lie, why not? It’s available for Kindle, Audible, and in paperback. It’s a fun, fast read. Get caught up on the story and get ready for The Last Locked Door (at the end of the universe). If you’d like to get a free Kindle copy of The Last Locked Door in exchange for a review on Amazon, just say so in the comments and I’ll add you to the exclusive list of early edition reviewers.

~Phil

Happy 14th Blogiversary To Me!

I like to mark important dates in my life, and this is one of my favorites every year. Yes, “blogiversary” is a word. It’s a word because I’m celebrating the birth of The Phil Factor on April 3rd, 2005. And because I’m the only blogger here who has been around for 14 years I’m going to take credit for inventing the word Blogiversary. Truth be told, I think I might be only the third oldest blog in world history behind this wonderfully nice woman from New Zealand and some guy who’s been blogging about video games since they were on floppy discs. Sheesh! He needs to get a life, am I right?

In my fourteen years I’ve met many wonderful friends through blogging. As a group I think bloggers are the nicest people I’ve never met.

To celebrate my 14th blogiversary I’ll give you the fourteen most popular posts in Phil Factor history. Enjoy!

14. 2016 Predictions from a Legit Psychic: People seem to like predictions. I think this did well because I included a Bieber and a Kardashian.

13. Me and Billie Joe ArmstrongOne of my favorites and a favorite by music lovers, and yet still no interview with Green Day.

12. Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Funny Tweets I do love my Twitter.

11. Liar, Liar Pants on Fire: The Interview with Magician James DavidA unique chance meeting led to this post with a unique guy, and he is now The Official Magician of The Phil Factor. 

10. People Are Stupid So Why Should It BeIt’s possible that people are so stupid that they thought this had something to do with REM. It doesn’t but I did have some good ranting about stupid people all around us..

9. About MeApparently some of my readers are curious about me as a person. It’s absolutely riveting reading.

8. The Ten Most Painful Things That Have Ever Happened To Me: I was very surprised at how many people are interested in pain.

7. Ten Idiotic Things Celebrities Have BoughtA fool and their money are soon parted

6. The Top Ten Psychic Pick Up LinesIt turns out that psychics need a lot of help making a love connection

5. The Rolling Stones Are Liars: My Class ReunionThe class reunion. An American institution. Not surprisingly, this was a nostalgic look back. Admittedly, I do nostalgia well. I should probably give up the jokes.

4. Meet The Author: Christopher Moore (yes that Christopher Moore) One of my nicest interview subjects ever and when he shared the interview to his social media it did very well.

3. Three Things… The fact that this did so well is an ode to search engine optimization. It’s just some idiotic jokes about a few popular celebrities.

2. Real Sexting Conversations To Read In HindiIt turns out that the horny Hindi speaking folks want help with sexting and I accidentally stumbled into that.

1. Twitter People vs. Facebook PeopleThis 2013 post was the top trending humor topic on Reddit for over 24 hours and I got over 17,000 views that day. I thought the WordPress stats software was broken.

Those 14 posts are a nice slice of the last five years, when I migrated my Blogger blog to WordPress. Feel free to scroll all the way back to April of 2005 if you want over a decade of my inane thoughts. Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my idiocy all these years. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Daylight Stupid Time!

This is my bi-annual reminder that tonight in the United States we move our clocks forward by an hour and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 120 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about ten years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks ahead an hour now but we turn them back in the Fall, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anythying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

The Queen Is Drunk Right Now!

Yes, kindly little old Queen Elizabeth, or The Big Q as her friends call her at the pub, is crocked off her tiny wrinkled arse right now. You’re probably saying to yourself, “But Phil, how can you know this? Did your amazing psychic powers tell you this?” No, I heard it on the radio. Some DJ filling time between songs drudged up an old Vanity Fair article.

She is the Queen of England, so she can do whatever the feck she wants, but the amounts and times of her drinking are more than a little surprising. The article reported that tiny, 147 year old Queen Elizabeth drinks FOUR alcoholic drinks a day. Four! That’s 28 drinks per week! In my college days I didn’t drink 28 drinks a week! If my doctor thought I had four drinks every day he would send me to rehab!

(Photo by Yui Mok – WPA Pool/Getty Images)

She takes her first drink, gin and Dubonnet, before lunch! Unless it’s a mimosa at a hotel pool or on the beach, I think she’s out of line. But that’s not all folks! During lunch she knocks back a dry gin martini. Then she finishes lunch with a piece of chocolate and a glass of wine. Someone who weighs 68 pounds and has has three drinks by 1 pm is running England. That explains a lot about them over the years. And Prince Philip is obviously not a good designated driver for her.

Speaking of Prince Philip, why the heck does he have a black eye in every picture I’ve ever seen of him? Last year he showed up for Prince Harry’s wedding with a black eye. Reports were that he fell in the bath. But then a few weeks later he got into a car accident, apparently as he was trying to flee the palace. Either he’s getting crocked with Liz too, or I think she’s getting hammered every day and roughing him up. (Philip, if you’re reading this, there’s help out there. Just give me a sign. Tug on your earlobe in your next TV appearance and if I see that I’ll sneak into the palace at night and get you out. Just make sure to hide the Queen’s gun.)

That picture is her version of this:

If I had three drinks by 1 pm, all I’d want to do is take a nap. Then at bedtime, she has a glass of champagne. Now that I can see. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, you’re damn right I’m going to top off my day with champagne. I can picture Big Q in her robe and slippers sitting on the throne, putting her feet up and watching Graham Norton with her nightcap. Still wearing her crown she raises her glass as if toasting to nothing and no one and thinks to herself, “Damn it, I’m the effing Queen of England!” And then she knocks it back sloppily with half of it running out of the corners of her mouth.

Have a great Saturday and enjoy your cocktails!  ~Phil