Throwback Thursday! I Could Bite Your Face

I took the Way Back Machine to 2011 for this classic Phil Factor post. It’s one of my favorites because it is all true and it still makes me smile.

(02/23/11) To paraphrase The Beatles’ Eleanor Rigby song, I’d like to say: All the stupid people, where do they all come from? I found myself helpless witness and finally participant to two incredibly idiotic conversations this week. At one time I was in the waiting room of a medical office and seated near me was a couple that would make the folks on CMT’s “Redneck Wedding” look like the height of haute couture. This couple had more digits than teeth and their attire would make an Amish grandfather look trendy. So the woman, who was reading a magazine, People or Us or some similar intellectually stimulating tripe, says, “Look, a composer, that would be a good job!” I’m thinking, “Yeah honey, you check the want ads for that one. I’m sure there’s a big market for a gal with your resume.”


Later in the week I’m in another office, one that has both a psychiatrist and an internal medicine doc. Two roughly 18 year old girls come in, check in, and sit down near me. One starts reading a People Magazine and soon thereafter points out to the other member of her Mensa club an article about a female jogger who survived a bear attack. First they debated at length whether or not there are any mountains in New York state because if there were they would avoid said mountains to avoid being attacked by bears. Then the debate raged on regarding whether or not you could escape certain death by playing dead when attacked by a brown bear or a black bear. Of course the inevitable discourse of what type of bear is native to New York ensued. I believe they concluded that brown bears fall for this ruse but black bears do not. Girl number 1 informed girl number 2 that the jogger survived the attack by poking the bear in the eyes while it was biting her face. Girl number 2, whom I’m fairly certain did not work for NASA, then speculated that a baby bear might not be able to harm her because its jaw might not be large enough that the bear would be able to open it’s mouth sufficiently wide enough to bite her face. To this Girl number 1 replied, “I could bite your face.” At this point I burst out laughing and added, “And don’t you forget it. You don’t want to make her mad.” The girls then stopped talking for the remainder of their time in the waiting room.

I swear both of those conversations happened exactly word for word. Be careful what you say in public, it just may end up on a blog somewhere. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

9 responses to “Throwback Thursday! I Could Bite Your Face

  1. It never ceases to amaze me how low our intelligence quotient has fallen.

  2. Once again your column
    Has been quite a blessing
    By teaching me such
    Worthwhile lessons
    If a bear attacks
    I shall poke out it’s eye
    And orchestra conductor
    Where can I apply?

  3. This is indeed classic. Doctor office waiting rooms are a great place to hear these convos. I have heard a few myself…Yikes!:)

  4. HAHA! This is your best post, ever! I love this post so much, I might gnaw on its face with my tiny human mouth! 😛

  5. Waha! So funny. ‘Intellectually stimulating tripe’….oh please may i borrow that one? BTW-am enjoying ‘Odd Thomas’-cant put it down. Thanks again Phil! 😉

  6. Ha ha ha. I once heard someone say to the other “what country is Singapore in?”

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