Yes, you read that right. I believe that the Olympics may not be relevant any longer. I believe that without significant changes, the Olympics should not go on. Also, in addition to my perpetual candidacies for President and Sexiest Man Alive, that I should also be head of the International Olympic Committee.
Here are the reasons I think the Olympics need are no longer relevant:
Performance Enhancing Drugs: Steroids, blood doping or Human Growth Hormone are like picking your nose. Everyone in the Olympics does it but no one wants to admit it. This year they almost disqualified the entire Russian team. Recently they re-tested urine samples from the 2012 games and found a bunch more athletes that were on performance enhancers. Either let everybody use them, or get better testing.
Four regular locations: How many times do we have to hear that this city or that isn’t ready for the Olympics, or that the housing, facilities etc are substandard? Remember the smog in China, the lack of snow in Sochi, or the Zika virus in Rio? They need to pick four major cities. Two in the northern hemisphere, two southern, two on one side of the globe and two on the other. Then they rotate the Olympics through those four locations that are always up to standards. And security? I hope I’m not being pre-cognizant here, but with the rise in terror incidents, the security at an Olympics has to be a nightmare. If it’s in a regular location they can have security that’s appropriate and controllable.
Stop with the weird sports: Just put real sports in the Olympics. Rhythmic gymnastics is just gymnastics for people who are afraid of heights. Ice dancing? Please. While it may take skill, it’s not a sport. Dressage, horse jumping, is an Olympic sport? I only want to see that if it’s people jumping over horses. The trampoline is a sport? No it’s not.
The Olympics are for amateurs? It’s been decades since the Olympics included amateurs. Gone are the stories of the kid from a remote town practicing relentlessly and rising up through national competitions to surprise everyone by making it to the world’s biggest stage. Now, in every country, the Olympic caliber athletes are identified when they’re young and sent away to train with professional coaches for years. They get housing, food, clothing, and training paid for. They’re professionals before they hit puberty.
The Opening Ceremonies? Please. They’re millions of dollars or euros wasted on a tired old combination of a high school musical and a football game halftime show. Save that money, donate it to world hunger and let the athletes just show up and compete.
What do you think? Do you agree with me, or do you think I’m a complete Scrooge on this topic? Have a great Saturday! ~ Phil