When You Want To Kill Them For Just Chewing (aka Who Is Miss Ophonia?)

Who is Miss Ophonia? My wife is. So, I have a wife. A wonderful patient woman who puts up with me every day. I know that here, making fun of things 500 words at a time, I must seem like I’m the perfect guy. (You all were thinking that, right?) But to her, I’m a constant collection of irritating noises. I breath too loud. I chew too loud. My hair grows too loud.

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According to WebMD, “Misophonia, also known as selective sound sensitivity syndrome, starts with a trigger. It’s often an oral sound — the noise someone makes when they eat, breathe, chew, yawn, or whistle. Sometimes a small repetitive motion is the cause — someone fidgets, jostles you, or wiggles their foot.” Like any disorder of the brain or body there is a spectrum. For a person with misophonia, reactions to these sounds can range from mild anxiety to rage.

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See? If Kelly Ripa can have it, anybody can. Ironically, my only misophonia symptom is Kelly Ripa’s voice. It’s no wonder both Regis and Michael Strahan left her. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

It may seem like I’m writing this as a public service to educate others. I’m not. I’m writing it so that if I’m ever found stabbed to death with a mouth full of potato chips, or crisps as my UK friends say (I bloody love crisps), I want the police to immediately assume my wife is the perpetrator. I’m solving my own murder for them before it happens. See? I told you I was psychic.

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Sorry for the language there, but that is exactly what a misophonic person would say.  And just to clarify, I do chew with my mouth closed. It’s possible that I have unusually thin cheeks. That’s an excuse I’ve floated out there, but my wife is not buying it.

I imagine that having misophonia is a lot like when you’re watching a TV show and the camera zooms in on a chewing mouth and they up the volume so that it is unbearably loud. Try this video for just ten seconds.

That is likely what your chewing sounds like to a misophonic. So is it your problem, or theirs? That’s the debate. To them you sound like you’re chewing cereal with your mouth open. To you, you can barely hear yourself chew.

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This disorder effects one in ten people. Is there a cure? Right now, there isn’t. But there are some therapies that may be helpful. You can learn more at Misophonia.com.  Great (sigh) (but don’t sigh too loud of course) there’s help for them, but what about us? What about the husbands of misophonics? We need a support group! We need a place we can feel safe.  In fact, I’m going to start a support group for husbands of misophonics. At every meeting I’ll serve potato chips and carrot sticks. We’ll slurp our drinks, chew gum, and exhale at any volume we want! At a group meeting:

Me: Hi  everyone. My name is Phil and I’m the husband of a misophonic.

Other husbands: Crunch, crunch, crunch, slurp, chew chew, burp.

Misophonia wives, miles away at home: I can hear you! Stop chewing like that!

If you know a misophonic, that last bit was hilarious. Have a great Saturday and if you know a misophonic feel free to share this with them by hitting the Facebook, or Twitter button below. ~Phil

44 responses to “When You Want To Kill Them For Just Chewing (aka Who Is Miss Ophonia?)

  1. I wouldn’t have said before that I’m a misophonic, but I have a friend who is lovely, smart, friendly beautiful and successful, yet eats in a way that makes me want to shudder every time I’m near her. It’s not necessarily the chewing, it’s the slurping after she’s chewed everything to within an inch of its life – still remains one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever heard…

    Hi, my name’s Suzie, and I’m a misophonic

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I don’t think being unable to be in the same room as anyone brushing their teeth qualifies me as misophonic but it might help to know that hearing that, for me, sends shivers down my spine akin to nails on a chalkboard. Electric toothbrushes toothbrushes are fine – they mask the godawful noise that I can’t even describe. Is it only your noises that your wife finds annoying or is it anyone’s?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Probably shouldn’t write this down, but if my man is found dead it could possibly be from having chewed to loudly, breathing, biting his nails or something. It’s not just him that makes me crazy, but he’s the one most often on the recieving end of my anoyance.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Guilty! And that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. How about others for the group, like children of the misophonia. This explains my Dad, who terrorized me growing up and the all his grandchildren who were terrified of him in the morning.

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  6. Not sure but I think the disease starts somewhere after the 20th year of marriage and gets progressively worse. More than one bowl of raisin brand crunch has been eaten in the garage. Super post, Phil.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Not food related but I can’t stand it when people have the text typing tones switched on on their mobile phones. Grrrrr

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I never heard of misophonia
    Could not find any rhymes
    But as for the disorder, well
    I might be borderline.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Yea, cheering is kinda bad. But one sound I can’t take–sparse clapping. HATE IT. Sometimes I have to mute the tv. Drives me nuts!! 🥜

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m guilty as charged. I’m a misophonic (is that even a word?)
    I’m overly sensitive to sound and even the cat can grate on my fragile hearing.
    To make matters worse, I swear my husband is half-deaf and the noisiest person alive. He’s already warned our children that if he ever meets with foul play, they should tell the police to suspect me first 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure if misophonic is a word. It’s seem to make sense and it sounded like a work when I typed it. If it does end up in the English language and dictionaries everywhere I take credit. You do sound very much like my wife. And I would guess to your ears I would sound very much like your husband.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I never thought about it before, but there are sounds I can’t stand. We were driving in the rain the other day (yes, it actually rained in Southern California!), and the windshield wipers made a squeaky sound every time they wiped to the left. It made me so tense, and my jaw hurt from clenching my teeth.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I used to have a colleague who had an.isdue with heating me breathe!!! Erm sorry.. . Can’t change that Lol!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I think I need to show this to my ever patient lovely husband 🙂 He will be laughing after reading this post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Haha. The two noises my husband makes that drive me insane are 1) The incessant tapping he does whilst only on the phone to his Mother 2) when he takes 900 years to finish a yogurt pot, scraping every last bit of yogurt from the bottom of the pot. It’s like “JUST FINISH THE YOGURT ALREADY!” I swear he does it on purpose. I have to keep away from knives when he eats yogurt. He’s so lucky to have me.

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  15. I’m not misophonic, but I still laughed out loud at the last bit.

    Had I not heard of the condition for the first time only last week, I might have thought you were having us on. Sadly, you’re not.

    If your wife is a fan of Miranda, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her. Such fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Oh that felt good. I’ve developed misophonia only just recently. So far it’s only my husband’s chewing that turns me into a sock monkey.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. So what do you do when you eat together? Play loud music to drown out the sounds??

    By the way, never take your wife to Japan. The noodle slurping would drive her mad!

    Liked by 1 person

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