Pretty People Problems

WE, you and I, are obviously ‘Pretty People”, and it makes our life so much more difficult. According to an article in the New York Post this week, pretty people like us have the hardest time finding our soul mate. Mostly because other hot people like us don’t have a soul.

What? Pretty people don’t have a soul? Phil, please, say it ain’t so! Well, my little pretties, if you read the article I linked to above you’d understand, but DON’T go read it now because I’m going to sample from it liberally and take things out of context. The article is the story of poor, pretty, struggling Dan Rochkind, a “30-something executive in private equity” who “could have [anyone] I wanted,” says Rochkind, now 40 and an Upper East Sider with a muscular build and a full head of hair. “I met some nice people, but realistically I went for the hottest girl you could find.

According to fellow pretty person Dan, “Beautiful women who get a fair amount of attention get full of themselves,” he says. “Eventually, I was dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation.” So, he met his current fiance’ the way we all do; her mother checked him out at the gym,  gave him her business card and said, I’d like you to meet my daughter. Aaah, love at first sight! If I’m the new fiance’, I’d be a little worried about moms intentions towards Dan.

According to poor, Dan, his current fiance’ has more depth than all the vapid models he used to date. About his possible future wife, Dan said, “[She] is a softer beauty, someone you can take home and cuddle with, and she’s very elegant,”  Translation, she’s not like the hotties I used to date, but she’ll do for now.

But all does not end happily. The pretty people are fighting back to defend their vacuous stereotype. “When men see beautiful women, they are more concentrated on how she looks because they want to ‘have’ her, and so they don’t want to go deeper and get to know her,” says Isabell Giardini, a 22-year-old Italian beauty signed with Major Models. “And that’s why at the end of a date they wonder, ‘Oh that girl is so beautiful but so empty.’ That’s happened to me often.” Life advice from a 22 year old. So young, so pretty and so wise.

Pictured: Benedict Beckeld New York Post
Photo credit: JB Imaginative. He owns the rights to photos

But then, a guy who allowed himself to represent hot men said, “From my personal experience, people who are better looking are less likely to pursue advanced degrees, or play an instrument or learn other languages,” says Benedict Beckeld, a 37-year-old Brooklyn writer with a doctorate in philosophy and the body of an Adonis. But he’s quick to note that he’s not just a great set of abs — he also plays the violin and speaks seven languages.” A doctorate in philosophy? Seriously? Anyone know a professional philosopher? Yeah, he’s unemployed.

After a fair amount of abuse on Twitter and a LasVegasblog.buzz column that refers to Dan Rochkind as “Obnoxious A-hole” Dan’s equally vapid and tone deaf fiance’ came to his defense in another article in the Post, saying “Beauty comes from within — if a woman is confident, knows her worth, has nice skin and pretty hair and takes care of herself — that’s what’s important.”  

So nice skin and pretty hair are part of the beauty that comes from within? If so, my insides are covered in pretty hair! Yeah Dan, you’ve got yourself a deep thinker there! So, my fellow pretty people, do you agree that all the other pretty people who don’t read this blog are vapid jerks and should settle for someone with less looks and more substance? Also, after Dan’s inevitable divorce, who wants to date him?

Have a pretty Saturday everyone! ~Phil

19 responses to “Pretty People Problems

  1. Beauty is definitely from within….says every overweight thirty something like myself!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I kept hoping it was an Onion article when I first read about it. People are weird as all hell, aren’t they?

    Liked by 3 people

  3. What a pretty lot of nonsense (not the bits you’ve written of course). Thanks for sharing Phil, we all need to read things like this so we know how pretty special we are, even if we’re not that pretty 😂😂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sad “pretty” Dan dresses like a cowhand and drinks pretty inferior beer. He may be pretty but taste? Not so much. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s all true…that’s all I have to say.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I tried to read your words, but I kept getting distracted by the pretty. 😛

    Seriously, though – brain melty comments like, “beauty comes from within… has nice skin” makes me happy these people can’t find someone to procreate with.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I’m so glad I’m not so full of myself
    I have an occupation
    I learned to write and other skills
    And have an education
    I’m glad I have the kind of beauty
    comes from deep within
    But mostly I am glad that I
    Have good hair, nails and skin.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I can’t be alone in thinking that Dan is not pretty on the outside either. Fortunately, I’ll never get to meet him, or his vacuous fiancée. How dull life must be if you only spend time with people for their looks.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I agree with you Phil. We pretty people do have more problems than the uglies of the world. We are never sure if our relationships are ‘real’ or if people are attracted to us because of our good looks. It helps if you are shallow, and I’ve spent years focusing on the superficial. Yes, life is too short to spend it with people of substance, don’t you think?

    Liked by 2 people

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