My Advice To My Past Self

Earlier this week I saw a post from SickChristine that was inspired by a Soul Pancake  Facebook post.

Christine wrote a beautiful and touching story of the advice she would give her past self at different ages. Beautiful and touching? Yeah, that’s not exactly my style. Younger me was a moron and he definitely needed my advice. So, here’s what I would tell myself if I could travel back in time to help younger me:

Dear 1970’s PhilDude, relax. You’re a kid. Don’t stress about anything. Especially not the air raid drills they make you do in grade school. The Russians are definitely not going to bomb you.  At least not until Trump is President. Just be careful around water fountains. Not the big kind that you see in a park, but the little ones you drink out of in the hallway at school. There’s one that will change your life forever. That one fountain is the Joker to your Batman.  Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future.

Dear 1980’s Phil: To borrow from Baz Luhrman, wear sunscreen. You get sunburned from the refrigerator light! Wear sunscreen. I want to have skin like a baby’s bottom when I/Me/You are older. Also go ahead and grow the mullet, but cut it off in 1988. You kept it a year too long. Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future.

Dear 1990’s Phil: Apple. Not the fruit. Well, yes, the fruit. Eat them, they’re better than all that fast food you eat.  But remember Apple the company. Save all your money and invest in a company named Apple in 1999. If you do this you can retire from work in 2015. Don’t mind the hyperlinked blue text there. You can’t read that yet. Also, enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. You’ll want to write about them in the future. And yes, you get the most important decision of your life right.

Dear 2000’s PhilYou’ll be raising your kids now. I’ve got no advice for you. Nothing can prepare you for parenting. Just relax and enjoy. You can’t control everything. In fact I should have told you that about two decades ago. Also embrace fantasy football. Not only will you be really good at it, but if you play your cards right, you can make a living at it. Enjoy and remember your adventures with The Golden Boys. Yes, they’ll still be with you. Maybe write a few books about them.  And don’t stress about the number of views your blog gets. The right people will get the jokes. No, seriously, I was not kidding about the fantasy football.

All in all, don’t worry about much I said here. Life’s never going to be perfect. Live your life and enjoy it without too much worry. And lastly, wear sunscreen.

Have a great Saturday everybody! ~Phil

44 responses to “My Advice To My Past Self

  1. Love 80s Phil!

  2. Oh so much advice we could give our younger selves!!! Hindsight is a great thing!

  3. I love this idea! And yes, remember Apple. The Bloke and I were talking about what we’d invest in if we could go back in time after watching a documentary about a woman who had bought a small amount of shares in a little company during their first few months…Google.

  4. Love this. Really good idea for a post. However, I really need to know what happened with that water fountain. Oh and definitely always wear sunscreen. That’s one piece of advice I’d also give myself.

  5. What a fun idea, Phil. Looks like you have made most of the right choices through life. I too would change very little in my life – I have very happy with it!

  6. This is a great post! I really enjoy your lighthearted and set of older-brother-y tone you use. I was also inspired by Christine’s post, so keep your eyes peeled for my advice post too! 😉 Personally, I think you rocked the mullet!

  7. The mullet needs its own blog post! Ha! In other news, why are people still doing this to their hair…in 2017?? #lifesburningquestions

    • I’m not sure my mullet was epic enough to deserve its own blog, but thank you. I definitely am not still rocking the mullet but I did keep my 90’s goatee.

  8. I love it!!! See, I told you the world needed this. Mullet Phil is the greatest thing ever. You should make t-shirts.

  9. Ha ha! the sunscreen part made me giggle.
    I love the idea of writing these notes to my younger self 🙂 You have some good lessons there. Stocks – for sure!

  10. Great advice. Wish I had taken the Apple buy suggestion myself.

  11. Man, great idea for an article. One of my favourite writers around.

  12. Great advice! I would definitely tell my younger self to invest in Apple (or have my dad do it).

  13. If giving advice to past me
    Was something that I could
    Do, don’t you know that I doubt
    That I ever would.

  14. I loved it, Phil … especially the part about getting the biggest decision of your life right 🙂
    … and Apple? Yeah, well … don’t we all wish?

  15. I’d probably advise the younger you to never have the mullet EVER lol

  16. Wow so funny as I also have the sarcasm gene. Love the mullet lol. We did stress about silly things way before we had to.

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