Here is a classic Phil Factor from August 2008. Enjoy!
Dear Vespa Dude,
You are SO not cool. I don’t care if you wear a leather jacket and helmet with dark visor, that does not make your scooter a motorcycle. I don’t care if you get 80 miles to the gallon of gas. After two weeks of riding your Vespa, the savings should allow you to buy a real motorcycle or maybe even a car. You’re an adult and you’re riding a SCOOTER! Let that sink in for a moment… If you had any minuscule shot at getting a date with an actual real life woman, your scooter just killed that. Unless Al Gore has a really hot daughter who cares about the environment as much as you do, you’re not going to find a woman who wants to be taken out to dinner on a…SCOOTER. (As an aside, Jenna Bush is a smokin’ hottie and I’d vote for her dad for a third term if she got to be on tv more because of it)
And by the way, if your vehicle has a top speed of 30 mph, get the hell off the road. You don’t belong in my way. Just because you have a tiny license plate, like the ones I tied on the back of my bike when I was 8, doesn’t mean you should be on the road. While you’re at it why don’t you just clip some baseball cards to the spokes so your Vespa almost sounds like a motorcycle. In fact, because your 30 mph ass is in my lane I have to go slower and take longer, burning more gas and thus negating any benefit to the world you thought you were providing by riding your SCOOTER. I’d like to put my big carbon footprint right up your scooter riding ass.
Whew, it’s been a long time since I got off a good rant on here. This time I’m honestly hoping to get back to blogging at least once a week. Thanks for coming back.
Have a great Thursday! ~Phil