Apparently I’ve lapsed in my consumption of North Korean news. I just heard from a comedian on Netflix that last year North Korean leader Kim Jong Un outlawed sarcasm in North Korea because he didn’t want anyone making fun of him. Well, there goes my vacation to the North Korean riviera. How the hell do the police pull someone over for sarcasm?
North Korean Judge: Your client is on trial for sarcasm. How does he plead?
North Korean Lawyer: My client pleads innocent. He was being facetious, not sarcastic.
North Korean Judge: Guilty! Death penalty for you both!
I love sarcasm and I love sarcastic people. Apparently Kim Jong Un feels about me the way my wife did before we started dating. After I got to know my wife she admitted that before we dated she was afraid to talk to me because I was so sarcastic. But then, eventually she grew to love me. I assume Kim Jong Un will do the same by the end of this blog post.
In fact, using Google translate and Ron Burgundy I would like to try to mend fences with the misunderstood North Korean President. I will translate some crucial peacekeeping sentences into Korean in hopes that Kim Jong Un will see this post and welcome me and my sarcasm into his warm embrace.
Ron Burgundy: You have an absolutely breathtaking hiney!
Ron Burgundy: You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? Maybe don’t wear a bra next time.
Korean: 너오늘밤너무멋져보인다. 흠? 다음에브래지어를입지않을수도있습니다.
Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker!
Ron Burgundy: Why don’t you go back to your home on whore island?
There you go world. You’re welcome. In less than 500 words I’ve repaired U.S./North Korea relations and prevented World War III. If any of my Korean readers would like to chip in and correct any errors I’ve made in translation, feel free. If anyone else has some phrases they think would be helpful, by all means put them in the comments. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil