The Psychics First Date

A man in a turban and a purple velour cape sitting alone at a table in a swanky Italian restaurant. He stands up as he makes eye contact with a woman who has just entered and he gives her a little wave. She acknowledges him and starts to weave her way between tables. Her many chiffon scarves flow freely from her, brushing peoples heads as she passes.

Karnak the Magnificent: “Why hello Esmeralda! Have a seat,”  Karnak says as he pulls out her chair for her.

Esmeralda: “Thank you Karnak. This is a lovely restaurant. However did you choose it?”

K: “This is where my grandparents went on their first date sixty years ago. They’ve always told me the story of their magical first date, and I have a good feeling about you, so I thought it might be a good luck charm for us.”

E: Aww…that’s sweet, but it would be more sweet if your ex-girlfriend didn’t wait tables here and you weren’t bringing me here hoping to make her jealous.

K: “What? That’s preposterous! I love the food here!”

Esmeralda raises an eyebrow.

K: “OK, you got me, but the food is really incredible.” Nodding to waiter, “Yes, Cabernet for both please.” Turning to Esmeralda, “Besides, on your dating profile you said that you’re 28 when you’re really 30.”

E: “So we’ve both started this relationship with little white lies. Fair enough. Let’s try to turn our heads off and get to know each other the old fashioned way.”

K: “Agreed. So Esmeralda, where did you grow up?”

E: Chuckles, “Well, I grew up a little bit almost everywhere. My parents were gypsies who traveled with the circus all over Europe. They read the Tarot cards for a living. How about you?”

K: I was an orphan, raised by Tibetan monks in the mountains of Nepal. I immigrated here to the States with them when I was twelve. They came here to build a monastery in the Hollywood Hills. It’s actually right next to a Scientology resort. Tom Cruise came over and bought an alpaca from us once. So tell me about your travels in Europe. Which country was your favorite?”

E: “I loved all of Europe. It’s hard to pick just one country, but if I have to, I’ll say France. Our circus set up just outside of Paris for several months. The people, the food, the wine. I could see the Eiffel Tower all lit up at night. That was a magical time. So Karnak, how did you come to realize that you’re psychic?”

K: “Huh? I’m sorry. I was lost in thought. What did you say Esmeralda?”

E: “You weren’t lost in thought. You were lost in my cleavage! I can read your mind you idiot. And yes, there are more tattoos. Very interesting ones in very interesting places.”

K: “Ok, if we’re going to get real here, let’s get real. Yes, you’ve been to Paris. Paris, Texas where you grew up. You can drop the hokey accent now Paula. Esmeralda? Please. You look like an Esmeralda about as much as I do!”

E: “You want to get real? You weren’t psychically drawn to my booth down at the boardwalk. You read my profile on Tinder and came and found me, hoping your hokey psychic line would get me!”

K: “Listen Paula, I also know that you’ve been wondering about what’s under my …ahem..(using finger quotes) “turban” all night long.”

E: “Listen Steve, yes, I know your real name, are you as hot as I am right now?”

Karnak/Steve: “You already know I am. My place is just around the corner. Let’s get our food to go.”

Esmeralda/Paula: “And when you say “you’re place” you really mean your parents house and we’re going to sneak in through the walk out basement door in back, right?”

Steve: “I’ve never been so turned on in my life.”

Paula: “Keep the turban on!”

As you can see, being a psychic certainly could be challenging on the dating scene. But if you could be psychic and read minds, would you?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Copyright 2018

29 responses to “The Psychics First Date

  1. There are days I’d love to be able to read the minds of people, the kids in my class who can’t communicate because they can’t speak English, the management as they watch our teaching, but there are times I really don’t want to know!!!

  2. lol! Love this Phil!

  3. You made me smile! Great story ๐Ÿ˜Š not sure Iโ€™d read minds if I could though. My face tends to give me away, no one needs to read my mind, itโ€™s all on my face ๐Ÿ˜Š

  4. Enjoyed. I think I’ll pass on being psychic, but I would like to pay attention more to facial expressions and body language as that can be telling.

  5. Excellent run on an interesting concept Phil….or is it Brian and you are really the oldster I see in the pub most nights….

    Body language can often send cues like you said too, as can the temptation to keep feeding obvious rubbish to see how far you can push before they twig you are onto them. Must now avoid psychics though…just in case of dubious mind reading!

  6. That was one hot psychic date, Phil! I wonder if how long the turban stayed put…

  7. drallisonbrown

    You were a therapist? That’s great! Loved this….especially since you started with a pic of my favorite, Bill Murray!

  8. Fun story, Phil. LOL… I think you have it right. Happy St. Patrick’s Day hugs! โ˜˜๏ธ

  9. I have days when I’d love to read other people’s minds and other days when I’m glad I can’t. I do think it would be awesome to be able to read minds when we’re dating people. We’d learn their intentions very quickly and wouldn’t have to invest too much time in finding out what they are. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. This was awesome! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  11. Lol! โ˜˜๏ธ

  12. I wouldn’t be a psychic that knows to read minds
    I’d be too afraid of what I would find.

    BTW, grammar police here catching you on a citation for the incorrect use of the word, your, you’re 2x.

  13. Provided a much needed laugh at this end…wish I’d been psychic before the England rugby game started earlier!!!

  14. At least there’s no question of the level of transparency on anyone’s part.

  15. Yes, of course, and change them too.

  16. Excellent post, we are all capable of reading minds and using our extra sensory perception. We are all born with the abilities deep within us we just need to unlock them. I mention similar topics on my blog Phil.

  17. Oddly enough, I just bet Bill Murray. He could use a therapist lol.

  18. Pingback: Psychics First Date โ€” The Phil Factor – Rachel Holbert

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