Tag Archives: psychic humor

Welcome to The Future! My Psychic Predictions for 2022

Yes, I know you think that I’m just some goofy blogger who writes quirky things now and then. One of the quirky things I write every year at this time is my psychic predictions for the following year. Why do I do that? It’s simple. I’m psychic. I can see the future. Some of my predictions are as serious as a heart attack and others are only for entertainment. You can decide which is which.

Last year, contrary to many well-known psychics, I predicted that life on Earth would not end. I also accurately predicted the death of Prince Phillip. Lastly, I predicted that the Tiger King, Joe Exotic, would despite his jail sentence, return to television and he did. If you google “The Phil Factor psychic predictions” you can find all the previous years predictions going back more than a decade. Anywho, enough about me,  let’s get on to my predictions! You’ll want to hear the first one!

 1. Covid is almost done: If Chuck Norris can beat Covid, why can’t we? Here’s my prediction: By July 1st of 2022, Covid will still exist, but it won’t be a crisis anymore. Countries will start to open up borders. Far fewer people will be hospitalized. Airlines however will continue to enforce mask wearing on flights through the end of 2022.

2. The Royal Family, Avril Lavigne, and Phil: The royals are always interesting. As much as we think Queen Elizabeth will live forever, I see that she will have a health issue in the second half of the year that is concerning. I also see some rough waters for Harry and Meghan. Their marital bliss will take a dive when rumors arise about Harry’s newfound “friendship” with Avril Lavigne who, contrary to conspiracy theories, is not dead and is not being impersonated by a look-alike imposter.

Oddly, many have said the same about me to explain my limited involvement in the blogging world from 2018-2021. That is actually true. Well, I’m not dating Avril Lavigneyet, but I am the imposter and it took me three years of intensive study of The Phil Factor to plausibly approximate his writing style. Fortunately, I am also psychic. I met Phil at one of our psychic meetings. I knew he would be there. But I didn’t kill him.

3. It is NOT the end of the world: Many psychics, including Nostradamus, have predicted the end of the world in 2022.  I suppose that one year they will be right, but 2022 is not that year. You heard it from me first. Go ahead and buy discount gifts and Christmas decorations for Christmas 2022! Make plans for 2022, it will be here all year.

Picture credit: Subspace.com/Images may be subject to copyright

4. The Metaverse is Coming To Get You! The term “metaverse” was first coined in the 1992 novel Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. At the time, the idea of living, working and playing in a virtual world seemed to be science fiction. We won’t be living in a virtual world by the end of the year, but more of us will be transitioning parts of our life into metaverse related activities. If you think nonfungible tokens are weird, wrap your head around using bitcoin or ethereum to buy virtual real estate in the virtual metaverse! That will be a thing. I’ve got my eye on a little virtual beachfront property that’s only a click away! Don’t worry though, admission to The Phil Factor will remain free in the metaverse. But the rights to my blog posts will be sold as non-fungible tokens. Contact me in the comments.

Picture credit TMZ. Images may be subject to copyright

5. Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson: Are they both crazy? Will they break up? Is this even real? No, it’s not. Kim and Pete are both crazy, but that’s a separate issue. They’re not really dating. They’re putting one over on everyone to set up a new movie starring both of them. And of course, we all know that Kim has always had eyes for me as you can clearly see by reading this Phil Factor from 2014. The implications of this picture are obvious:

This picture has not been altered in any way

That’s it folks. My psychic predictions for 2022. Some serious and some fanciful. Consider yourself warned. Have a great weekend and happy holidays! ~Phil

The Mystery of Psychic Pick-up Lines

Apparently psychics are very interested in dating. There’s nothing wrong with that. Soothsayers need soothing too. The reason I bring this up is that during the last three years I haven’t been blogging as regularly as I used to, yet one particular post that I wrote a few years ago seems to be getting a steady stream of visitors, not from the WordPress Reader, but from random internet searches.

It used to be that my post titled Real Sexting Conversations to Read In Hindi? from 2015 brought a steady stream of readers to my blog. Over the past three years when I neglected my blog and my wonderful gang of Hindi speaking followers, another post that I wrote four years ago has developed a cult following. The post, Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Psychic Pick Up Lines, has over 1700 views so far this year and has similar numbers for the last three years. 1700 views in six months for a post I published four years ago?!!? That’s nearly 300 views per month! I wondered what was going on, and then it hit me; psychics are looking for love and I’m going to help them damn it!

This guy is my favorite psychic, aside from myself of course

I’m not one to ignore a good thing. From here on out I’m considering making this a psychic dating website. Who knew there was such a market? Psychics probably did. Do psychics have trouble finding people to date? Shouldn’t they already know who likes them? Do psychics have to date other psychics, or do they prefer to date people who can’t read their mind right back? These are the mysteries of the universe that I will delve into in my post on Saturday. Be sure to come back for that. Then again, maybe me and my psychic friends already know who’s going to read my blog Saturday. Thank you. I’ll see you then!

Have a great day! ~Phil

Psychics First Date

A man in a turban and a purple velour cape sitting alone at a table in a swanky Italian restaurant. He stands up as he makes eye contact with a woman who has just entered and he gives her a little wave. She acknowledges him and starts to weave her way between tables. Her many chiffon scarves flow freely from her, brushing peoples heads as she passes.

Karnak the Magnificent: “Why hello Esmeralda! Have a seat,”  Karnak says as he pulls out her chair for her.

Esmeralda: “Thank you Karnak. This is a lovely restaurant. However did you choose it?”

K: “This is where my grandparents went on their first date sixty years ago. They’ve always told me the story of their magical first date, and I have a good feeling about you, so I thought it might be a good luck charm for us.”

E: Aww…that’s sweet, but it would be more sweet if your ex-girlfriend didn’t wait tables here and you weren’t bringing me here hoping to make her jealous.

K: “What? That’s preposterous! I love the food here!”

Esmeralda raises an eyebrow.

K: “OK, you got me, but the food is really incredible.” Nodding to waiter, “Yes, Cabernet for both please.” Turning to Esmeralda, “Besides, on your dating profile you said that you’re 28 when you’re really 30.”

E: “So we’ve both started this relationship with little white lies. Fair enough. Let’s try to turn our heads off and get to know each other the old fashioned way.”

K: “Agreed. So Esmeralda, where did you grow up?”

E: Chuckles, “Well, I grew up a little bit almost everywhere. My parents were gypsies who traveled with the circus all over Europe. They read the Tarot cards for a living. How about you?”

K: I was an orphan, raised by Tibetan monks in the mountains of Nepal. I immigrated here to the States with them when I was twelve. They came here to build a monastery in the Hollywood Hills. It’s actually right next to a Scientology resort. Tom Cruise came over and bought an alpaca from us once. So tell me about your travels in Europe. Which country was your favorite?”

E: “I loved all of Europe. It’s hard to pick just one country, but if I have to, I’ll say France. Our circus set up just outside of Paris for several months. The people, the food, the wine. I could see the Eiffel Tower all lit up at night. That was a magical time. So Karnak, how did you come to realize that you’re psychic?”

K: “Huh? I’m sorry. I was lost in thought. What did you say Esmeralda?”

E: “You weren’t lost in thought. You were lost in my cleavage! I can read your mind you idiot. And yes, there are more tattoos. Very interesting ones in very interesting places.”

K: “Ok, if we’re going to get real here, let’s get real. Yes, you’ve been to Paris. Paris, Texas where you grew up. You can drop the hokey accent now Paula. Esmeralda? Please. You look like an Esmeralda about as much as I do!”

E: “You want to get real? You weren’t psychically drawn to my booth down at the boardwalk. You read my profile on Tinder and came and found me, hoping your hokey psychic line would get me!”

K: “Listen Paula, I also know that you’ve been wondering about what’s under my …ahem..(using finger quotes) “turban” all night long.”

E: “Listen Steve, yes, I know your real name, are you as hot as I am right now?”

Karnak/Steve: “You already know I am. My place is just around the corner. Let’s get our food to go.”

Esmeralda/Paula: “And when you say “you’re place” you really mean your parents house and we’re going to sneak in through the walk out basement door in back, right?”

Steve: “I’ve never been so turned on in my life.”

Paula: “Keep the turban on!”

As you can see, being a psychic certainly could be challenging on the dating scene. But if you could be psychic and read minds, would you?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

2018 Predictions From a Legit Psychic!

That’s me in the crystal ball. I’m not the lady.

Four years ago when I started my psychic predictions posts, it was just for fun. Then a funny thing happened, I got some right. Startingly, unerringly, spot on right. So I did it again the following year, and a year later I got some more exactly right. Let’s not get crazy. I’m not getting everything I predict exactly right. But I’m getting enough right that it’s possible I’ve got a little bit of psychic stuff in my big ‘ol noggin. So, back by popular demand, here are my predictions for the year of 2018!

Prediction 1: Look, it’s wonderful that we’re all swept up in Royal-mania with the announcement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s engagement, but don’t get carried away. There are other Royals To Remember in 2018. I just made up the phrase Royals to Remember. (I, Phil Taylor, on 12/29/17, hereby copyright the phrase “Royals to Remember” for all eternity.)  OK, back to the prediction, and this one’s a crazy one, so buckle up buttercup. Remember a year ago when I predicted that Princess Kate would get pregnant a third time? Nailed it. Well, Harry and Meghan are scheduled to get married in May of 2018. Kate’s due date is in April 2018. Unfortunately Queen Elizabeth will have a health crisis in March. Fearing the worst, Harry and Meghan move their nuptials up by two months so the Queen Mum can see them married. In the most incredible coincidence of all time, Kate goes into premature labor and gives birth on the same day in March that the wedding occurs. Hours after both events on the same day, Queen Elizabeth will pass away.

This is not me, but I’m considering the hairdo

Prediction 2: I will interview psychic Gary Spivey for The Phil Factor. Of course he already knows this and so do I. In fact we both knew it months ago.

Prediction 3: The Earth will not end. A lot of psychics like to make headlines by predicting the end of the world. Not me. I’m going out on a limb and predicting that the world will still be here in a year. In 2009 I made my first Earth saving prediction and it was borne true in December of 2012. Remember when everybody believed that because the ancient Mayan calendar ended in December 2012 that the world end then? Read this post I wrote in 2009 and scheduled to post in 2012. I’m feeling just as solid about 2018, but that’s not to say that there may not been a close call or two coming up…

Prediction 4: You had to know that something about this guy was coming up. Donald Trump, after nearly causing war with North Korea, resigns from the presidency amidst both impeachment and other legal charges brought against him from the private sector.

Prediction 5: Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? It just might be a run for the U.S. Senate. In January of 2018 Dwayne “The Rock” Sexiest Man Alive Johnson will announce his intention to run for the U.S. Senate seat in Florida.

Prediction 6: The Church of Scientology comes apart. Amidst massive celebrity defections and legal tax fraud charges, the church’s leaders disappear leaving the multi-billion dollar coffers empty. Feeling lost, Tom Cruise starts his own religion and the hymns at church functions are the theme songs from all of his movies. (Read the next part to Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock and Roll and imagine Tom Cruise at a podium in Ray Ban sunglasses) “Just put those old religions on the shelf. I’ll make up a new one myself. Today’s Gods ain’t got the same soul. Just follow me, I’m as dumb as a troll.” 

That’s it. What do you think? Am I off my rocker? Feel free to share on social media by hitting one of the buttons below. Have a great Saturday! (I know you will) ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Psychic Pick Up Lines

Psychics are people too. When they’re not reading minds, predicting the future or communicating with the spirit of your Great Aunt Maude, they’re out there looking for love just like the rest of us. I imagine though that their special skills allow them to try a much different approach when meeting someone. Here are the Top Ten Psychic Pickup Lines:

10. I know your future and it’s me.

9. You’re fine. How am I?

8. Let me read your palm. No, not on the table.

7. I’ve been in touch with your great, great grandmother and she wants you to date me.

6. It’s not you, it’s me. Don’t worry, this will make sense in about 6 months.

5. I see a tremendous amount of pleasure in your future.

4. Don’t talk to that guy. He’ll only lead to heartbreak. I on the other hand…

3. I already know what you like

2. Do you have a dog? You do? I’m a pet psychic. Take me to your apartment immediately.

1. Why yes, I do have crystal balls.

Have a great Tuesday! I know you will. ~Phil