When I Went To The Mensa Meeting…

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” ~Groucho Marx

If you’re not familiar with Mensa, then I’m pretty sure you don’t qualify to join the club. Mensa is the international high IQ (intelligence quotient) society with members in over 100 countries. “Membership in Mensa is open to persons who have attained a score within the upper two percent of the general population on an approved intelligence test that has been properly administered and supervised.”

So, me being me, if I don’t have membership in Mensa, I want membership in Mensa. I don’t even care that I would hate all the snooty high IQ people that say things like, “Tut tut,” as they hold their pinky out while sipping tea in front of a Monet at the Louvre. I have no idea if I’m intelligent enough, but they have it and I don’t, so I want it. If they had ebola I’d want that too. Don’t you hate when people put on airs about their exotic diseases?

Since you have to take a test to get into Mensa, I chose not to, but I wanted to go to their meeting to see what all the hullabaloo was about. (See? I said hullabaloo! I’m pretty sure that will go over well at the Mensa meeting.) I dressed in a tuxedo, because it’s hard to look stupid in a tuxedo.

I figured that if I looked smart I could just stroll on in. Seriously, who thinks there’s going to be security at the Mensa meeting.

“Excuse me sir, the wait staff entrance is in the back,” he said with a sneer.

Me excitedly: “Oh, I’m not a waiter. I’m here for the Mensa party!”

It is not a “party.” (he said using finger quotes) And if you are a member, I’ll need to see your identification. 

Me: Pulls out my driver’s license and hands it over. “That my friend is my license to ill.”

He holds it between his thumb and forefinger as if I’ve just handed him freshly created poo, or excrement as all the hoity toity Mensa members would say.

Yes, I’m Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago

No, I need to see your Mensa membership card.

Me (trying to sound intelligent) : It hasn’t come in the mail yet. I’m new. Just passed the exhumination yesterday!

Exhumination? You dug up a dead body?

Me: (doubling down on my idiocy) Umm…Yes! I exhumed a body and brought it back to life. That’s how smart I am! Once the proctologists saw that, they said I was smart enough and gave me a weaver.

Proctologists? Don’t you mean the proctors gave you a waiver? 

Me: Yes! Yes, that’s it exactly. They waved at me as I left the test. They said good bye and that I never needed to come back.

May I see it?

Me: See what?

Your waiver?

Me: It’s in my other tuxedo

Then I’m afraid you can’t come in.

Me: Afraid? Why are you afraid? You should be more afraid if I did come in!


Me: (shouting as security drags me out) Don’t you know who I am? I’m The Phil Factor! You can’t do this to me! I have a blog and I’m gonna write about you! And it’s not going to be nice!

So here I am still rambling at all my favorite people where there’s no test to enter. If you were even mildly amused by this or any of the 1800 previous posts that I’ve written, would you take a moment to click HERE and vote for me for Funniest Blogger? Click that link and scroll about halfway down the page where you’ll get to the categories. Scroll to Funniest Blogger, find The Phil Factor in the list and click on it. There’s a lot of other great bloggers in the other categories, so make sure to vote for them too! Thank you for your support!

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

21 responses to “When I Went To The Mensa Meeting…

  1. I have visions of you in a purple tuxedo being dragged out of there screamimg that you’re a blogger! 😂😂
    So Phil, geniusalgia is an exotic disease! Well you learn something new every day! I’m pretty sure I’m not at high risk of developing that! 😁
    I haven’t voted for any categories yet but you’re at a very high risk of getting my vote!

  2. Who needs Mensa when you have a Bloggers Bash nomination….like the Oscars & the Baftas etc, you can forever put nominee in your title!!! Fancy taking your for waiting staff in your tux with your licence to ill….too funny xxxx

  3. You’re gonna win it. You’ve suffered enough!

  4. Oh, I can’t see you in the nominations for the Most Intelligent Blogger category Phil! Looks like Mensa have thrown you out of that too!

  5. I’m giving you A for the attempt to get in. I am sure if all of us at BUYB put our heads together we could come up with top 2% of something. Congrats on the nomination.

  6. This is truly very funny🤣 I wonder about Mensa but tend to agree with Groucho on this one!! Congratulations on your nomination and good luck 😊

  7. Clever as always Phil and the tux should have swung it in your favour IMO. Test or no test it demonstrates initiative…besides, I heard you can train to pass these in the same way folk do for aptitude ones. Self defeating pomposity….besides when you’ve got three degrees I’d say try taking your test in there matey.

    Bring your own stylus two….my record decks taken some stick on that group over the years…

  8. That was you??? You have my vote.

  9. This was hilarious. I liked it. Your post.

  10. I’ve actually seen resumes that list Mensa memberships. I toss them on the same pile as people who list themselves as the CEO of one person companies. (I wonder who cleans out their wastepaper baskets).

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