Sexiest Man Alive: Paul Rudd?!!? Puh-leeze!

What does Paul Rudd have that I don’t have? I mean BESIDES a successful movie career? See the two pictures below this paragraph? If you Google The Phil Factor Sexiest Man Alive those pictures are two of the first four pictures that come up. Go ahead, I’ll wait…or you could just click this Google to see the search results. Paul Rudd doesn’t even show up until the second row!

Just because he’s famous doesn’t mean that he’s sexier than me. Think about this; part of being an actor is the fact that sometimes you’re completely unemployed. In fact, at this very moment Paul Rudd may be unemployed and completely without health insurance! If a not at all suspicious accident were to injure his cute little face, he couldn’t possibly cover the cost of plastic surgery, again. Me? I’d have a new nose and chin installed immediately with only a $25 copay.

Ladies, think about this: Paul is on the wrong side of 50, he doesn’t have a steady job and he probably doesn’t have health insurance. If you saw that profile on a dating sight you’d swipe left hard. Me? Fully employed and insured!

Apparently he needs a lot of make up to look that good

Me? I don’t wear a stitch of makeup. The fact that I think makeup comes in stitches shows how little I know about makeup. If you’re a woman, is a guy wearing makeup sexy to you? Imagine him kissing you and his makeup rubbing off all over your face. How sexy is that?

I checked his bio online and it says he studied “film” in college. Big effin’ deal. Google says Paul Rudd has been in at least 65 films. I guarantee that I’ve studied more than 65 films, usually at night while drinking beer and eating chips, which are both two things that I’ve seen Paul do in “films”. So why does he get paid for it? I can eat chips and drink beer much better than he can.

Apparently he’s into aerobics

People Magazine I implore you, please do the world a favor and choose your annual Sexiest Man Alive by normal human being standards. Research on Twitter shows that woman love the dad bod and a guy with a stable job. Paul Rudd has neither of those things and his recent foray as Ant Man has him in a skin tight unitard and shrinking rapidly, which women have told me is not at all attractive.

This year is done, but the race to be next years Sexiest Man Alive begins now and I intend to win it. Please help me out by liking, commenting and sharing on social media! Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

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