Tag Archives: Phil Taylor Sexiest Man Alive

Sexiest Man Alive: Paul Rudd?!!? Puh-leeze!

What does Paul Rudd have that I don’t have? I mean BESIDES a successful movie career? See the two pictures below this paragraph? If you Google The Phil Factor Sexiest Man Alive those pictures are two of the first four pictures that come up. Go ahead, I’ll wait…or you could just click this Google to see the search results. Paul Rudd doesn’t even show up until the second row!

Just because he’s famous doesn’t mean that he’s sexier than me. Think about this; part of being an actor is the fact that sometimes you’re completely unemployed. In fact, at this very moment Paul Rudd may be unemployed and completely without health insurance! If a not at all suspicious accident were to injure his cute little face, he couldn’t possibly cover the cost of plastic surgery, again. Me? I’d have a new nose and chin installed immediately with only a $25 copay.

Ladies, think about this: Paul is on the wrong side of 50, he doesn’t have a steady job and he probably doesn’t have health insurance. If you saw that profile on a dating sight you’d swipe left hard. Me? Fully employed and insured!

Apparently he needs a lot of make up to look that good

Me? I don’t wear a stitch of makeup. The fact that I think makeup comes in stitches shows how little I know about makeup. If you’re a woman, is a guy wearing makeup sexy to you? Imagine him kissing you and his makeup rubbing off all over your face. How sexy is that?

I checked his bio online and it says he studied “film” in college. Big effin’ deal. Google says Paul Rudd has been in at least 65 films. I guarantee that I’ve studied more than 65 films, usually at night while drinking beer and eating chips, which are both two things that I’ve seen Paul do in “films”. So why does he get paid for it? I can eat chips and drink beer much better than he can.

Apparently he’s into aerobics

People Magazine I implore you, please do the world a favor and choose your annual Sexiest Man Alive by normal human being standards. Research on Twitter shows that woman love the dad bod and a guy with a stable job. Paul Rudd has neither of those things and his recent foray as Ant Man has him in a skin tight unitard and shrinking rapidly, which women have told me is not at all attractive.

This year is done, but the race to be next years Sexiest Man Alive begins now and I intend to win it. Please help me out by liking, commenting and sharing on social media! Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

Top Ten Reasons I Should Be People’s Sexiest Man Alive

Tomorrow People Magazine will name their Sexiest Man Alive for 2017. I have high hopes, but as usual I assume that People Magazine will pander to the lowest common denominator and choose some allegedly good looking, hunky but mindless actor or musician. Here are my ten reason’s why they should choose me:

10. Because Google Says So: Go to Google Images and Google  “Phil Sexiest Man Alive”. That picture above comes up first. If Google thinks it’s true, it must be.

9. Because I Have A Blog: I have a blog and I published a book. We’re not even sure if most of these pretty boys they choose can read much less write.

8. You Stare At My Picture More Than Theirs: Let’s face it, you’ve been to my blog several times a week over the past year, meaning that you’ve probably seen my little profile pic countless times. Over the past year you’ve looked at my picture far more than whoever People will choose, ergo, I am sexier.

7. I’m all natural: Unlike many previous Sexiest Man Alive winners, I’m all natural. No steroids, hair implants or hair dye. I’m 100% all-American male.

6. I’m Employed: Have you ever noticed that they always choose actors? That’s a fly by night bunch if I ever saw one. Flitting from one job to the next. I’m employed full-time every day and I have health insurance. That’s the American dream right?

5. I’m a Normal Guy: Aren’t we all tired of magazines pushing these unrealistic expectations of what is sexy on us? It’s always rail thin models with implants and “hunky” guys who have no real jobs so they work out all day with a personal trainer. How about if People chose a “real” man for Sexiest Man Alive? A normal guy who is sexy because he’s smart, funny, works hard, and provides for his family? Isn’t that what most women really want at the end of the day instead of an unattainable player?

4. I’m Smart: Now I know nobody is going to mistake me for Leonardo DaVinci, but I’m pretty sure I could crush Leonardo DiCaprio at Jeopardy! Most people think intelligence is sexy. Marilyn Monroe once said that the sexiest man alive was Albert Einstein. I’m not going to give you a lecture on physics, but I can hold up my end of a conversation.  I’m willing to pit myself against any show biz pretty boy in a Jeopardy! challenge. C’mon People magazine! Set it up! Let’s make this years Sexiest Man Alive earn it by being sexy inside and out. How about me, Bill Gates, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson vs. Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper & Ryan Reynolds in a game of Trivial Pursuit? That would be riveting television!

3. I Would Look Great On Money: Why not? Why does money have to feature old,  dead Presidents? Most of them are pretty ugly any way. I propose that each Sexiest Man Alive gets to spend the following year as the face on the American one dollar bill.

2. Gray Hair is Distinguished: All you ladies always say that gray hair makes a man look “handsome” or “distinguished.” Over the past year my hair has been getting gray A.F. as the kids say. If chicks dig a guy with a little salt and pepper action going on, then I’m your man.

1. I’m Already Sexiest Blogger Alive: I was once named Sexiest Blogger Alive  so doesn’t it make sense that I should take the next step and ascend to the real throne? Go ahead, click that link. I dare you.

There you have it, my annual argument why I should be named Sexiest Man Alive. If I don’t win it this year, as a consolation there is one other thing I’d like to win: The AllAuthor.com Cover of The Month Contest. Please click THIS LINK and vote for my book cover. Thank you and have a great Tuesday! ~Phil