I don’t know about you, but I dread my annual physical. Who doesn’t? If there’s anyone reading this that actually looks forward to an annual physical, please explain why in the comments. I dislike mine mostly because it takes soooo long.
I didn’t seem to have any pressing physical issues, that I was aware of, so I was about three months past due on getting my annual physical. When they called I thought to myself, “What a great, legit way to get out of the last two hours of work on a Friday afternoon!” Who doesn’t love to start their weekend with a good probing?
5. If they are examining any orifice from your mouth to the stuff downstairs, you should casually say “This is so much less painful than when the aliens did it.”
4. When filling out the paperwork in the waiting room loudly shout to the front desk, “Hey! There’s no questions about fleas and ticks. Why did I even come here today?” Follow that with a little scratching.
3. When they’re prepping to give you a vaccination, hold your arm out inside up and ask if they are going to tie it off first, then mumble, “Sorry, force of habit.”
2. If you are a man, always wear a leopard print thong to your appointment. If they’re going to make you feel uncomfortable for 45 minutes, then you might as well do the same to them.
1. When they have you step on the scale in the hallway, insist on stripping all your clothes off so you can get your best weight. If they have to weigh me and that number is going to be written in stone until I show up next year then they damn well better get it right.
If you can manage to squeeze all five of these in to one appointment, I guarantee that you’ll be having a lot more fun than the other patients. If anyone has any other suggestions for making medical appointments more fun, put them in them comments and I can compile and repost this.
Have a great rest of your weekend! ~Phil