Yes, today is my birthday. My parents told me that I spent my first Christmas in the hospital and was brought home in a Christmas stocking on December 26th. They told my older brother that it wasn’t Christmas Day until the 26th. And he believed it! What a maroon! He was the dumbest 3 year old ever.
That’s what I looked like more or less. I bet that all of you must know someone that was a Christmas baby. And I would bet that you all said the same exact annoying thing when you found out that someone was born close to or on Christmas.
My parents took that picture of me with the Santa hat on my butt every year until I was 14. It got kinda awkward after age 10. As I was saying, there’s something that every person in the world says as soon as they find out that you’re a “Christmas baby.” I’m at the point where I’m sure they notice me visibly clenching my fists and rolling my eyes.
Ok, ok, I know that you’re saying, “C’mon Phil, stop dragging it out. What’s that super annoying phrase that you assume is a curse for all the Christmas babies?” This is a blog post that could’ve been a tweet, huh? Well, it’s my fecking birthday and I’ll write anything I want! Ok, here it is:
“Oh, you’re a Christmas baby! Do you lose out on gifts because your birthday is so close to Christmas? You probably get a lot of Birthday/Christmas combo presents, right?”
I believe that I have heard some version of that question over 4000 times in my life.
I have two weird little quirks that my parents saddled me with; one is them having had sex nine months before Christmas, which condemned me to a lifetime of hearing that stupid question. For the sake of Christmas babies everywhere, I’m going to quote Bill Murray as Frank Cross in Scrooged, “Would you please, for the love of god, and your own body!, stop the damn…” questions about our fecking birthday presents !!!
I’m just kidding. Myself and my best friend Gooby whose birthday is the day after mine, enjoy the attention. That is all. I hope you all enjoy my birthday today!