Tag Archives: birthday

The Unique Torture of Being a Christmas Baby

Posted on December 23, 2022 | 6 comments

Yes, today is my birthday. My parents told me that I spent my first Christmas in the hospital and was brought home in a Christmas stocking on December 26th. They told my older brother that it wasn’t Christmas Day until the 26th. And he believed it! What a maroon! He was the dumbest 3 year old ever.

My first baby picture! (pic credit to https://www.artstation.com/yoneyu Go check out her stuff)

That’s what I looked like more or less.  I bet that all of you must know someone that was a Christmas baby. And I would bet that you all said the same exact annoying thing when you found out that someone was born close to or on Christmas.

My parents took that picture of me with the Santa hat on my butt every year until I was 14. It got kinda awkward after age 10. As I was saying, there’s something that every person in the world says as soon as they find out that you’re a “Christmas baby.” I’m at the point where I’m sure they notice me visibly clenching my fists and rolling my eyes.

This is actually a current picture of me. My goatee is starting to look just like that. Ugh.

Ok, ok, I know that you’re saying, “C’mon Phil, stop dragging it out. What’s that super annoying phrase that you assume is a curse for all the Christmas babies?” This is a blog post that could’ve been a tweet, huh? Well, it’s my fecking birthday and I’ll write anything I want! Ok, here it is:

“Oh, you’re a Christmas baby! Do you lose out on gifts because your birthday is so close to Christmas? You probably get a lot of Birthday/Christmas combo presents, right?” 

I believe that I have heard some version of that question over 4000 times in my life.

Best version of A Christmas Carol EVER!

I have two weird little quirks that my parents saddled me with; one is them having had sex nine months before Christmas, which condemned me to a lifetime of hearing that stupid question. For the sake of Christmas babies everywhere, I’m going to quote Bill Murray as Frank Cross in Scrooged, “Would you please, for the love of god, and your own body!, stop the damn…” questions about our fecking birthday presents !!! 

I’m just kidding. Myself and my best friend Gooby whose birthday is the day after mine, enjoy the attention. That is all. I hope you all enjoy my birthday today!

~Phil

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Posted in birthday, Humor, Uncategorized

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The Burden of A Near Christmas Birthday

Posted on December 23, 2017 | 20 comments

“This is your birthday? Doesn’t your birthday get forgotten a lot.”  Over the course of my life I’ve probably heard that question more often than I’ve heard, “What’s your name?’ There’s a lot of famous birthdays this week. Sir Isaac Newton, Jesus, Jimmy Buffett, and me. The other guys had the good luck of having their birthdays on Christmas. Me? Nope. I missed it by two days. My birthday is today.

The others guys, who may have had their birthdays frequently forgotten in lieu of the Christmas holiday, seem to have overcompensated as adults for the birthday attention they missed out on as kids. Now they’re getting all the attention they could ever want, except Ike Newton. We’re kind of over the whole gravity thing by now.

Poor Jesus, his birthday was always on Christmas. I wonder how Jesus’s birthday went when he was a kid…

Jesus: “Mom, Dad, can we go to Chaim E. Cheese for my birthday?”

Joseph: “Sorry son, we can’t. Not since you pulled that “walking on top of the ball pit” stunt. Now everyone knows who you are. We have to go to church. Thanks a lot.” 

Mary: “Joseph, don’t be sarcastic. Jesus, go get ready. Take a bath. And take a real bath this time. No walking around on top!”

Jesus: “Aww…man! Why do we always have to go to church on my birthday? We’re Jewish. Shouldn’t we just be lighting candles or playing dreidel?” A petulant Jesus then stomps off to his room. Sits quietly and makes a Ho-Ho multiply until he can build his own birthday cake. Pets his dog and accidentally cures it’s leprosy.

thineself-20

Unlike, Jesus, Ike Newton or Jimmy Buffett, I missed out on having my birthday overlooked and as a result, I grew up without the attention seeking drive to achieve greatness. Instead of having a Pulitzer Prize and twenty best sellers that I’ve sold the movie rights to, I’ve got a few amusing short novels and this blog. I may not have achieved greatness yet, but some days when I get a few laughs and comments on my blog, you guys make feel like I have. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

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Posted in Christmas, Humor

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