About ten years ago “Florida Man” was an internet joke. You could put the phrase “Florida man” into Google and a list of absolutely ridiculous crimes or catastrophes would come up.
You get the idea. Florida Man is not likely to get invited to a Mensa meeting. But I think I met a Florida man earlier this week on a phone call for work. I live in the northeast of the States and this past week we’ve had unseasonably hot weather, similar to Florida weather. So when I got on the phone with a guy in Florida, we started with small talk and I said, “We’ve got Florida weather up here this week. Temps over 90 and a heat index over 100.”
Florida Man wasn’t having it. He immediately replied, “You don’t have real Florida weather. You don’t have humidity like we do.”
Really Florida Man, that’s your flex? You have warm, moist air? Oh no! You must be so tough to deal with that warm, moist air. I bow down to you. I thought that Marines fighting in the Middle East have it tough, but lucky them, their enemy isn’t warm, moist air. What a nightmare! What a badass you must be to defeat that warm, moist air every day! That’s got to be exhausting.
If I live in Florida and I want to be a badass in a weather conversation, I’d drop a couple hurricane mentions. It’s hard to beat that, but when you talk to anyone from Florida about anything, they find a way to mention the humidity. If you’re a Floridian wanting to feel tough, skip the warm, moist air and mention that occasionally prehistoric man-eating alligators are on your porch in the morning.
I don’t make fun of Floridians without reference. I go to Florida about four times a year. I know what Florida humidity feels like. It is not a big deal.
This isn’t just for that one Florida Man that I spoke to. This is for all Floridians whose biggest challenge in life is warm, moist air: We don’t care about your humidity! We don’t have to “brace” ourselves when we visit your state. Hey, if you Floridians are so tough about weather, then why did so many of you flee the northern part of the country to live there? Obviously you think the horrific, arctic winters in the northeast are worse than a little moist air.
For those of you that read this, make this viral and share it with your favorite Florida Man or Florida Woman that you know. I know that they’ve probably mentioned the humidity to you at least a thousand times already.
For those of you on the other side of the pond, is there any similar thing? Are there people saying, “You don’t know anything about wind until you’ve spent a winter in Latvia!”?
Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend ~Phil
#PHIL2024
