Tag Archives: #Hallmark

Hallmark Decided To GO BILLS !!!

Posted on November 9, 2025 | 3 comments

Pic from Hallmarkchannel.com/movies

No, that isn’t a picture of me above. I’m the one in the back in green. Every year I have posted a version of the same holiday season post about Hallmark movies and how they all have the same plot over and over year after year. I do still think that’s true and might bring back that post at a later date. I know, phew, you were hoping for that. There’s a reason for my divergence from my usual holiday blog post routine…

Yep, I’m a Buffalo Bills fan. I didn’t grow up a Bills fan. I inherited that proclivity from my late wife. My childhood favorite team, the New York Jets, have not done anything interesting since 1969, so it was pretty easy for me to jump ship. The Bills have done very well over the past six years and are popular enought to earn themselves a Hallmark holiday movie. Despite how insipid it will be, I will be glued to the television on Saturday November 22nd watching it. Now that I think of it, I should got out to a local pub and watch it.

Starting last year, Hallmark is now doing a movie with teams and fans from different cities. The Bill’s are currently one of the best teams in the league but haven’t yet won a championship. Hopefully Hallmark can see past their usual format and do something different with these city specific movies. They did one last year in Kansas City, but I didn’t watch it because me and everyone in western New York, except my one neighbor, hate Kansas City. That’s why I didn’t link to the Kansas City Cheifs website. AS you are my readers, you must side with me and ignore Kansas City until The Bills win a championship.

If you watched that preview, yes, we do go around saying “Go Bills” everytime we see someone else in Buffalo Bills clothing. I’m curious, do you folks in the U.K. or elsewhere do that with your football teams?

Have a great Sunday, and I’ll see you on Saturday November 22nd when you’ll be watching the Bills Hallmark movie with me from wherever you live.  THanks for reading! ~Phil

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The All New Riveting Plot of EVERY Hallmark Movie 2024

Posted on November 3, 2024 | 5 comments

Pic from Hallmark

Yes, it’s that time of year! Put away all those Halloween decorations, grab a cup of hot cocoa and settle in for the two best holiday traditions; Hallmark movies and my annual blog making fun of them.

What are these two trying to do? I’m not sure I want to know the answer.

Christmas, you say? No, Christmas is just a secondary annoyance. To all the people born with at least one romantic bone in their body and a high tolerance for mediocre acting, November is the most wonderful time of the year. It’s Hallmark Christmas movie time! Or as Lacey Chabert, Dean Cain and Candace Cameron Bure call it, “The only time we make any money.”

Pic from Hallmark.  It’s just bad actors and actresses running to the Hallmark studio to collect paychecks they don’t deserve

Being married to one of these Hallmark movie loving people, I inadvertently see several Hallmark Christmas movies every year.  I couldn’t help but notice that each unique Hallmark Christmas movie has the exact same plot as every other Hallmark movie. To save you from having to watch the actual movies, here’s how it goes:

Guy or gal who left home several years ago is very successful at some high falutin’ job in a big city somewhere, then they come back to their Smalltown, USA hometown for Thanksgiving or a funeral. Oh no! Their family’s business is failing! Or maybe beloved Uncle Walt passed away and they’re going to lose the farm! What? The only way they can save the farm, family business or special hometown festival is if the impossibly attractive person stays longer than they planned. Maybe until Christmas! I can’t believe it. What are the chances of that?!!?

Just what I need, imagining my medical providers getting it on in the closet while I bleed out in the ER

Successful and attractive returning guy or gal runs into the sister or brother of a friend they knew in high school. He or she “was just a kid back then” but now they’re “all grown up” and they’ve really blossomed into a hunk or a hottie. At first they may not like each other but everyone else can see the obvious chemistry. Despite the fact that they annoy each other, they have to work together to save the business, ranch, town  or whatever. There’s always something that needs saving.

Why pick one? Haven’t the Hallmark writers ever heard of polyamory?

Of course it will all inevitably lead to a playful snowball fight between the two in the town square where they will tumble into a pile of egregiously fake snow and look longingly into each others eyes.

Oh no! Mischievous family members trying to get two dummies together! What will happen?

Guess what everyone, that’s the plot of every episode of The Gilmore Girls too. You’re welcome. I’ve just saved you the trouble of watching every single Hallmark movie this year. But you know what? I know you’re going to watch them. It’s as inevitable as that moment when the returning hometown hero says “this is where I’ve wanted to be all along” as they finally kiss their new love and gaze at the Christmas tree.  Cue Christmas music and fade out to credits.

 

A funny thing happened this year when I sat down to update this blog. I kind of turned into a Hallmark fan and here’s why: I went to Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas page and amongst the pictures of smiling, impossibly perfect people, I discovered that Henry Winkler was in a 2008 Hallmark movie. That man is an effing national treasure! I’m watching The Most Wonderful Time of The Year (2008) as I write this and on repeat now until December 26th.

Why didn’t they call this “Fonzie Getting Jolly”?

Ugh. Those movies are so fake sugary, saccharin sweet that they should have a disclaimer warning diabetics not to watch them. Really, I’m not a Grinch. I love the holidays and I mock them because I love them. Just like you. Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

P.S. Dear Hallmark, I’ll let you sponsor this Phil Factor blog for the right price!

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Posted in Humor, pop culture, Uncategorized

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For Cripes Sake Hallmark!

Posted on October 19, 2024 | 4 comments

First of all, who is Cripes and why do we want their sake?  Isn’t that Japanese wine? Hallmark (yes, I’m yelling at you) for cripes sake and all that is holy, why in the world did you debut a NEW HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE yesterday on October 18th?!!? Is nothing sacred? Can we not continue to watch slasher movies in preparation for this country’s  most beloved holiday, Halloween?!!?

Is there not some sort of governing body that should prevent this type of atrocity? In my mind, Halloween gets September after Labor Day and thru midnight October 31st. Then, beginning on November 1st, then and only then should Christmas and Hallmark Christmas movies have free reign to broadcast all the Christmas/Hannukah content they want. Hallmark has Fall/Halloween movies! Why aren’t they pushing those right now?

For my readers who thought this would be a fun blog about your corny Hallmark  movies, you can click on the video above and watch the whole fricking movie right from my blog. See Hallmark! You made this effing Fall movie, why aren’t you cramming that down people throats? It’s literally demonic what you are trying to do to Halloween. Hey readers, here’s a phrase you can use, “Hallmark is cannibalizing the corny movie market with their holiday tripe.”

Lacey Chabert practicing her smoldering look. Who does she think that will work on?

I guarantee you that Hallmark will not have a problem with me ranting like a berserker about their corny content. And what about Lacey Chabert? Why is she in every freaking movie? Does she not have enough money yet? Her annual income from Hallmark movie residuals could probably resolve the federal deficit. And she has yet to agree to an interview with The Phil Factor. That’s how snooty she is. How can you trust someone like that?

And those of you that enjoy my highly intelligent paranormal content? What happens to you during Hallmark season? You’re stuck with sicky sweet stuff like this full-length movie that you can watch right here:

Knowing Hallmark, they will probable sue me for this blog post including their content. Worse yet, they might create another Hallmark Christmas movie about a grumpy, Scrooge-like writer who pans their movies until he learns the real meaning of Christmas in October.

They’d probably have the gall to ask me to do a cameo in that movie just so I’ll promote their content to my readers again. My readers, which I’m sure outnumber the Hallmark fans by a wide margin. And, if you watch Hallmark today, there will be another all-new Hallmark Christmas movie, and more every day until Christmas. Ugh. Ratings snooze-fest.

Happy Saturday and thanks for reading! ~Phil

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