Tag Archives: Prince Philip

Don’t Worry! I’m Not That Prince Philip

In case you were worried about me, I’m not the Prince Philip that was in a car accident a few days ago. Although we share an identical spelling of our first names, that’s where the resemblance ends. Why was Philip even driving? Was he trying to Brexit the country?

Is it just me or does he always seem to have two black eyes? I wonder if he’s in a lot more car accidents than we ever hear of. Or maybe he and Queen Elizabeth like it a little rough in the bedroom.

I may not  be a Prince, yet. If the Queen gets tired of Philip’s high jinks and gives him the boot, I’m not opposed to having a sugar mama, especially one that allows me to be King of England if she mysteriously passes away.

I may never be Prince, but when I’m elected President (#PHIL2020), or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law, not just in the United States, but the whole world. Which I think will require me to be Sexiest Man Alive, because that’s a worldwide title.  My law will state that no human being should be allowed to drive a car past age 75.

I know some will say that’s ridiculous, but I don’t think so. By the age of 75 so many parts of aging impede our ability to be a good driver. Our vision is much less than it was when we were younger and our ability to physically react quickly has declined significantly. If that wasn’t the case you’d see 75 year olds playing professional sports. Hell, I don’t want to be driving past age 75! If my kids read this, please take the keys away from me when I’m 75, or earlier if warranted.

Get this, Prince Philip was seen driving around two days after the accident. He obviously doesn’t have much common sense, but for cripes sake, is everyone in the English monarchy stupid? Get that guy off the road! Get him off the left side and the right side of the road! If he wants to drive around put him in a golf cart on the castle grounds but attach a tether to it so he can’t go too far.

With all due respect, this is a serious issue. If an elderly family member is still driving and you think they shouldn’t be, please take away the keys. Yes, that may upset them, but not as much as a fatal accident will.

~Phil