Tag Archives: Washington DC funny

Mr. Factor Goes To Washington

Yes, I spent much of this past week in our nations capitol. And I had some thoughts. Some I will document here and others that will never see the light of day.

Two little known facts: that building over my right shoulder is The White House. Most people think The Capitol Building, the one with the big gold dome, is The White House. The White House is where the President lives and works. Talk about a crappy job deal. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will only accept the job if I don’t have to live where I work. How bad would that be? You could never get away from work. It would be like being a prisoner at your job. I’m totally going to get a swanky condo in Georgetown and walk to work.

The Capitol Building is where Congress works, but they don’t have to live there thank God. Can you imagine the hideous orgies that would go on if they did? They could all grope each other and then resign.

A naked man, a woman with a torch and a Boy Scout walk into a bar… I walked by and looked at this and thought, what a weird grouping of people. Then when I found out that the statue is actually the Boy Scout Memorial then it all made sense. Obviously the naked man behind the Boy Scout is the scout leader. Since the statue is a memorial, it implies that someone died. Apparently these two people are about to kill the young scout, perhaps to cover up someones indiscretion…

National World War II Memorial. Washington, D.C., USA.

The World War II Memorial honors the 16 million who served in the armed forces of the U.S., the more than 400,000 who died, and all who supported the war. Each of those rectangular pillars  has the name of a state. My problem is that the states aren’t listed in alphabetical order. They’re just random. When school field trips come here, how is that helping kids learn? And why is the Philippines, a country named after me included? Nothing against the Philippines. Thanks for having our back over there in the Pacific, but they’re not a state. I was also thinking about the state names as I read them. How did they come up with Arkansas? Was there a bunch of people living in Kansas but when it got crowded they decided to move and found their own state? “We’ll just move over here and it will be Ar Kansas!

Look at me, I’m a unicorn! Or I’m wearing the world’s largest dunce cap. Washington D.C.’s tallest structure serves no purpose other than to honor our first President. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to outfit this this with a radar and giant laser to shoot down anything that tries to attack Washington. How great would that be, right?

One day I want to sit in that chair. I just have to figure out how to get Abe out of it. A word of advice; they don’t like it when you climb up and sit on Abe’s lap. I know this now. I want that seat because that picture on his right is the view from Abe’s chair. Pretty nice, eh?

If anyone know’s the name of the movie from which I created the title of this post, put it in the comments and if you want I’ll send you a free Kindle copy of any of my books that you might want. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil