Speedos, Cigs, and Vespas: Why the Europeans are Better Than You

Believe it or not, TSA allowed me on a flight to Europe last week. I think they were hoping I only had a one way ticket because I definitely had an easier time getting out of the U.S. than back into it. My job took me to Spain and I managed not to get into a fight with any one from any country. Apparently The Phil Factor is universally adored.

The trip however, was an education.

1. Europeans are not afraid of lung cancer. How cool is that? In the long run that isn’t a bad thing either because it will result in fewer Europeans. Apparently word that cigarettes are bad for you hasn’t reached Europe yet. The Europeans love their cigs just about anytime of day anyplace they are no matter what they’re doing. The world class hotel I stayed in even had an entire floor of rooms set aside for smokers. Fortunately although I am not a smoker, I was graciously placed on the smoking floor so that I could enjoy the wonderful European ambience.

2. Europeans aren’t afraid of skin cancer either. Based on my observations I think  Europeans are in better physical shape than Americans and they are damn proud of it, especially at the beach in front of my hotel where clothing was optional. Unfortunately much of their pride in their bodies was sadly overestimated by the owners of many of those bodies. There needs to be an upper age limit imposed for beach nudity. And the dudes over there seriously love their Speedos. I saw a guy jogging in a Speedo, and he was smoking at the same time.

3. 9 o’clock is the new 4 o’clock: I think I figured out why the Europeans are in better shape than we are. They eat at weird times. They don’t lunch until about 2 pm and dinner until 9 or 10 pm. If I had to wait until 10 pm for my dinner, most days I would either pass out from low blood sugar or just plain fall asleep and miss the meal altogether.

4. The Euro rocks: The American dollar may buy less and less these days, but the Euro is awesome. One Euro is like $40 American! Do you know how many Speedos you can buy with a Euro? Me neither. I swear.  Apparently all the Europeans spend their Euro’s on Speedos, cigs and Vespas.

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11 responses to “Speedos, Cigs, and Vespas: Why the Europeans are Better Than You

  1. Not all of Europe is like this of course. 😉

  2. Oh, I see that they sent you to one of our secret “let's perpetuate European stereotypes among foreigners” camps. We tend to do that to Americans sometimes.

    And now I have to go not shave my armpits.

  3. Funny! I was to see a Speedo-wearing, smoking jogger!!

  4. Such a fun look at life! I love the image of a guy jogging in Speedos while smoking. 😂

  5. Running while smoking? (I don’t like speedos either 😣)

  6. The Germans like to ride bikes, smoke and drink a beer at the same time. It cracks me up every time I see it (Which is most days).

  7. I agree. Europeans are definitely better than you 😉 I jest of course. Just holding on tight to my European pride. Oh yes, the men love their speedos in the Continent. Plus a lot of Europe likes eating chocolate for breakfast, which I think automatically makes them superior to everyone.

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