Candy Crush Intervention

Like Angry Birds and Words with Friends another game designed for the tiny screen of our phones and the tiny span of our attention has seemingly captivated millions of people who would otherwise have productive lives. I was thinking of naming this post “10 Ways to Beat Candy Crush Saga” because I knew that as soon as that title showed up in Google searches I’d get about a billion hits. That would be a cruel joke to play on the millions of Candy Crush addicts.

I’m here today however to address two serious problems. First, the addiction to Candy Crush Saga. The first step is admitting it. The game is like a drug. At first the dealer, who is a tall, eccentric man with a monocle and orange hair, gives you a little for free just to give you a taste. You slide three jelly beans together and bam! You hear a jingle of approval. A positive connection is formed in the reward center of your brain. You repeat the action in seconds and get another positive result thus reinforcing that first connection. After you get hooked and your five lives are lost, unless you want to wait and risk withdrawal you have to pay to get the stuff again. After awhile, after the addiction takes hold, I hear nothing but anger and frustration, but they keep playing it. I’m not a Candy Crush player and I’m fatigued from hearing the distress and frustration of those who are afflicted. Screams of frustration in my house, Facebook posts from friends just hating their lives because they’re stuck on a level.

Candy Crush Saga players, please listen. You’re not only hurting yourselves. You’re hurting others too. The second serious issue is candy bullying. Enough already. It’s got to stop. If they can’t speak for themselves I will take up for the silent victims. What have those poor, innocent jelly beans done to you? You Candy Crush addicts are just like those mean kids with that bus monitor last year. You don’t care who you hurt. You just keep crushing and crushing with no regard for those around you.

It’s time for this madness to stop. Children ignored, jobs in jeopardy, husbands well…not getting their candy crushed. It’s madness. Madness I tell you! Imagine for a moment that you’re invited to a Candy Crush party by your best friend, which is weird because your friend doesn’t play Candy Crush, but you go anyway. When you walk in you actually look up from your phone for a second between levels and you see all your closest friends and family sitting in a circle. I’m there to help too because I know how much you enjoy my blog, but don’t call me Dr. Phil or I may have to punch you. They tell you that it’s time for you to delete the app, to commit Candy Crush Sagacide (trademark pending). Don’t worry they tell you. You won’t have to do it alone. Phil is here for you. I’m going to start a 12 step Candy Crush group. After you say “Hi my name is… and I’m a Candy Crush addict,” you’ll feel so much better, but you can’t say anything else for 30 minutes unless you pay me ninety-nine cents.

Hey, how cool is it that I embedded a video? Look at me getting all high-tech and whatnot! I did it because I care. As always, I appreciate you coming by and if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor and have a #CandyCrush addict in your life please hit the Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest share buttons below because that feeds my addiction to the page view numbers I get. Β Also, if you haven’t read my humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons, the newly edited version Β is now available for only $2.99 on iTunes and Barnes & Noble.

28 responses to “Candy Crush Intervention

  1. Lol I don’t play the game, but I had to laugh …… I hear it is kinda addictive πŸ™‚

  2. Nice blog post Phil!!!

  3. omg… that video was great! And I am finding that you are just terribly funny!!! <3

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  5. This is AWESOME!! I’m an addict and this is probably 100% true. But I’m quitting. I’m stuckand it’s really pissing me off. πŸ™‚

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  7. My husband was, and still is, addicted to this game! In fact, I wrote a post many moons ago on my frustrations about …well, being replaced by a piece of technology. It was getting to the point where we would go out for a romantic (*coughs* and I use this word loosely!) meal, and instead of looking lovingly into my eyes, he’d be pressing those damn buttons, fixated on those joyous candies! So yep, nothing has changed…should I ring the candy crush rehabilitation?

    • I think you should. My wife is still addicted too. I’ve given up.

      • I think an intervention is needed! *picks up the phone*

      • Then again, who are we to criticize our spouses Candy Crush addiction? I think I’m addicted to my blog. I check comments and stats all day long.

      • Haha! I got into the habit of doing that but recently had a break-through (Yes, I saw the light!) and stopped caring about the stats. I found stat-gazing took the fun out of blogging and made it more of a “I must post once a week otherwise my stats are going to go down!”… Now I have adopted a slightly healthier approach by not caring anymore. I just post when I want to!

        So, now I’m addicted to chocolate instead! πŸ˜€ ..and cake!

      • You’re only getting addicted to chocolate now? Or are you only now admitting to it. I do love the interactions with other bloggers. I’ve met some really interesting people from all over the world.

      • Hmm, okay…I guess I have always been addicted to chocolate, but it has definitely worsened over the festive season! For some reason I now have an addiction to Victoria sponge, too! (I blame my mum, she keeps making me cakes!) My diet has gone straight out the window! Nevermind, eh!

        And yes, I have met some wonderful people too. Some of whom, I would go as far to say, I couldn’t imagine a life without. Crazy, huh? How long have you been blogging?

      • My blog will be ten years old in April. It wasn’t always on WordPress though. How long have you been blogging? I apologize if it says on your blog, but where in the world are you from? I’m in NY.

      • Ten years old! Whoa! High five for the commitment! Mines coming up a year. I attempted a fashion blog prior to this blog, but it failed miserably! Haha. I don’t know what thats says about my taste in fashion? I’m from the chilly UK. NY, hey… That’s pretty cool. I would love to go to NY – it’s up there on my bucket list! πŸ˜€

      • New York is pretty chilly too this time of year. I hear from another UK blogger friend that you’re getting some snow this weekend. I visited London for the first time last spring and loved it.

      • No sign of any snow yet! I live in the South West, it’s more mild in these parts <~ oh man, I'm starting to sound like my 70 year old neighbour!

        I would like to visit NY in the winter. It seems like such a magical place around that time. I, for some reason, associate it with Christmas! I'm not sure why? I don't mind London. It's not my favourite place, but I don't hate it either. Sandy beaches and sunshine are more my thing! β˜€οΈ

      • New York city is nice when it’s decked for the holidays. I don’t actually live all that close to the city. Believe it or not, I actually live closer to Toronto.

      • Ah yes! I’m slightly lacking in the geography department, but I know that NY is a BIG place, and it’s pretty in the winter πŸ™‚

        Anyway, i’ll leave you in piece. It’s almost my bedtime! It’s been nice chatting πŸ™‚

      • Good night! It was fun chatting outside blog posts.

      • I was going to say ‘good night’ back, but then I thought… Erm, it’s probably afternoon where you are! So, enjoy the rest of your day. πŸ™‚

      • Thanks! πŸ™‚

  8. I think I may be the only person STILL playing Candy Crush πŸ˜€

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