Tag Archives: Candy Crush

Throwback Thursdays! Candy Crush Intervention

candy crush (picture credit: standard.co.uk)

(06/15/2013) Like Angry Birds and Words with Friends another game designed for the tiny screen of our phones and the tiny span of our attention has seemingly captivated millions of people who would otherwise have productive lives. I was thinking of naming this post “10 Ways to Beat Candy Crush Saga” because I knew that as soon as that title showed up in Google searches I’d get about a billion hits. That would be a cruel joke to play on the millions of Candy Crush addicts.

I’m here today however to address two serious problems. First, the addiction to Candy Crush Saga. The first step is admitting it. The game is like a drug. At first the dealer, who is a tall, eccentric man with a monocle and orange hair, gives you a little for free just to give you a taste. You slide three jelly beans together and bam! You hear a jingle of approval. A positive connection is formed in the reward center of your brain. You repeat the action in seconds and get another positive result thus reinforcing that first connection. After you get hooked and your five lives are lost, unless you want to wait and risk withdrawal you have to pay to get the stuff again. After awhile, after the addiction takes hold, I hear nothing but anger and frustration, but they keep playing it. I’m not a Candy Crush player and I’m fatigued from hearing the distress and frustration of those who are afflicted. Screams of frustration in my house, Facebook posts from friends just hating their lives because they’re stuck on a level.

cc kill you(picture credit: underachievingdomesticgoddess.blogspot.com)

Candy Crush Saga players, please listen. You’re not only hurting yourselves. You’re hurting others too. The second serious issue is candy bullying. Enough already. It’s got to stop. If they can’t speak for themselves I will take up for the silent victims. What have those poor, innocent jelly beans done to you? You Candy Crush addicts are just like those mean kids with that bus monitor last year. You don’t care who you hurt. You just keep crushing and crushing with no regard for those around you.

It’s time for this madness to stop. Children ignored, jobs in jeopardy, husbands well…not getting their candy crushed. It’s madness. Madness I tell you! Imagine for a moment that you’re invited to a Candy Crush party by your best friend, which is weird because your friend doesn’t play Candy Crush, but you go anyway. When you walk in you actually look up from your phone for a second between levels and you see all your closest friends and family sitting in a circle. I’m there to help too because I know how much you enjoy my blog, but don’t call me Dr. Phil or I may have to punch you. They tell you that it’s time for you to delete the app, to commit Candy Crush Sagacide (trademark pending). Don’t worry they tell you. You won’t have to do it alone. Phil is here for you. I’m going to start a 12 step Candy Crush group. After you say “Hi my name is… and I’m a Candy Crush addict,” you’ll feel so much better, but you can’t say anything else for 30 minutes unless you pay me ninety-nine cents.

Hey, how cool is it that I embedded a video? Look at me getting all high-tech and whatnot! I did it because I care. As always, I appreciate you coming by and if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor and have a #CandyCrush addict in your life please hit the Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest share buttons below because that feeds my addiction to the page view numbers I get.  Also, if you haven’t read my humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons, the newly edited version  is now available for only $2.99 on iTunes and Barnes & Noble.

Maybe I’m Edward Snowden: Fun with Search Terms

snowden-russia-waldo-one

Remember how everyone was all upset about Snowden’s revelation that the government could be looking into all our online activity? If it upset you when the government was doing it, I wonder how you’d feel if say…somebody like me was doing it?

Here is a list of some of the best search terms of the last three months that brought people to #ThePhilFactor with my commentary on some of them.

Men with a scorpion tattoo in his ass: I swear this probably isn’t referring to me. In 2011 I  wrote a post called “The Man with the Scorpion Tattoo

Angry jokes about Candy Crush: This is only a partial list. Sadly, Candy Crush was the most frequent topic that lead people to my blog. They must have been so disappointed. My Candy Crush post from earlier this year is the reason.

Philthy Animal Taylor 2013: People always mistake me for the old Motorhead drummer

philthyfinal

I always feel like Obama watching me: Dude, seriously, lighten up. Obama has bigger things to worry about.

The world can be amazing when you’re a slightly strange author: This one is by far my favorite. I have no idea what algorithm Google has that made it decide I was the answer to this search, but I love it.

Reasons to hate Oprah: Really? Someone needs to look up reasons?

Beware the Canadian Twitter Invasion: This is the title of my favorite post of 2013. It will definitely make it into the sequel to Fifty Shades of Phil

Amish hats cooler: I luv me some Amish!

TSA bicep check: Well of course I was the answer to this search!

Sarcastic birthday cards for an aunt: Hmmm…a Phil Factor line of sarcastic greeting cards. That sounds like a great idea. Cha-ching!

Horniestintheland tumblr.com: I’m not sure whose blog this is, but I just bought the domain name. Just because.

Phil Factor movie: Shhhh….I’m not supposed to say anything until the deal with the studio is finalized.

Drake Justin Phil: I wonder if Drake and the Biebs are looking at their blog info and thinking, “Cool, I was included in a search with Phil!”

First person to beat Candy Crush: I’m not saying I was the first, but I’m not saying I wasn’t. You know how modest I can be.

I’m sorry to have disappointed you if you were looking for my usual Throwback Thursdays post. I’ll return to posting my weekly re-run next week. As always, if you got a laugh out of #ThePhilFactor please check out my books and hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below. See you Saturday!

Candy Crush Intervention

Like Angry Birds and Words with Friends another game designed for the tiny screen of our phones and the tiny span of our attention has seemingly captivated millions of people who would otherwise have productive lives. I was thinking of naming this post “10 Ways to Beat Candy Crush Saga” because I knew that as soon as that title showed up in Google searches I’d get about a billion hits. That would be a cruel joke to play on the millions of Candy Crush addicts.

I’m here today however to address two serious problems. First, the addiction to Candy Crush Saga. The first step is admitting it. The game is like a drug. At first the dealer, who is a tall, eccentric man with a monocle and orange hair, gives you a little for free just to give you a taste. You slide three jelly beans together and bam! You hear a jingle of approval. A positive connection is formed in the reward center of your brain. You repeat the action in seconds and get another positive result thus reinforcing that first connection. After you get hooked and your five lives are lost, unless you want to wait and risk withdrawal you have to pay to get the stuff again. After awhile, after the addiction takes hold, I hear nothing but anger and frustration, but they keep playing it. I’m not a Candy Crush player and I’m fatigued from hearing the distress and frustration of those who are afflicted. Screams of frustration in my house, Facebook posts from friends just hating their lives because they’re stuck on a level.

Candy Crush Saga players, please listen. You’re not only hurting yourselves. You’re hurting others too. The second serious issue is candy bullying. Enough already. It’s got to stop. If they can’t speak for themselves I will take up for the silent victims. What have those poor, innocent jelly beans done to you? You Candy Crush addicts are just like those mean kids with that bus monitor last year. You don’t care who you hurt. You just keep crushing and crushing with no regard for those around you.

It’s time for this madness to stop. Children ignored, jobs in jeopardy, husbands well…not getting their candy crushed. It’s madness. Madness I tell you! Imagine for a moment that you’re invited to a Candy Crush party by your best friend, which is weird because your friend doesn’t play Candy Crush, but you go anyway. When you walk in you actually look up from your phone for a second between levels and you see all your closest friends and family sitting in a circle. I’m there to help too because I know how much you enjoy my blog, but don’t call me Dr. Phil or I may have to punch you. They tell you that it’s time for you to delete the app, to commit Candy Crush Sagacide (trademark pending). Don’t worry they tell you. You won’t have to do it alone. Phil is here for you. I’m going to start a 12 step Candy Crush group. After you say “Hi my name is… and I’m a Candy Crush addict,” you’ll feel so much better, but you can’t say anything else for 30 minutes unless you pay me ninety-nine cents.

Hey, how cool is it that I embedded a video? Look at me getting all high-tech and whatnot! I did it because I care. As always, I appreciate you coming by and if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor and have a #CandyCrush addict in your life please hit the Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest share buttons below because that feeds my addiction to the page view numbers I get.  Also, if you haven’t read my humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons, the newly edited version  is now available for only $2.99 on iTunes and Barnes & Noble.