Depending on when you were born one of these two pictures will appeal to you more.
A big sarcastic shout out to WordPress for not making it possible to put these pictures side by side in any reasonable way. Depending on when you were born the phrase Big Brother is either a good thing or a bad thing. For those of us born long enough ago to remember George Orwell’s book, this post is for you because in the internet age Big Brother is truly watching you. The following are the ten best search terms people put into Google during the last 90 days that brought them to my blog:
10. Reasons not to do the ice bucket challenge: Like everyone else on the internet I had a post about the ice bucket challenge titled The Top Ten Reasons NOT To Do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. It’s a sad statement on our society that about 1000 times since I wrote that post someone got to my blog hoping to find a reason not to do it.
9. has phil taylor had plastic surgery? Much like the late Joan Rivers I may have had some work done. But hey, I still look pretty damn good for a 87 year old don’t I?
8. sexiest man alive 2014: From your search engine to God’s ears! I’m thinking that this just might be my year.
7. Bradley Cooper hygiene: Brad was on track to play one of The Golden Boys in the movie adaptation of my book White Picket Prisons but because of his hygiene we couldn’t stand to have him on the set any longer. We replaced him with Justin Bieber.
6. robin williams crazy ones cancellation contributary factor: Hey, whoa nellie! Don’t pin the cancellation of Robin Williams last show on me! Now if I could somehow engineer the cancellation of Duck Dynasty I would take full credit for that.
5. phil taylor american idol 2003: No, of course I didn’t win, unless you count me and Kelly Clarkson, if you know what I mean.
4. taylor swift crazy: Did I date Taylor Swift? Did Taylor Swift write one of her breakup songs about me? Is Taylor Swift crazy? Because of a legal agreement with someone I’m not able to comment about, I can’t answer any of those questions. You can connect your own dots. Also I want one specific person who I know is reading this to remember that the restraining order says 500 feet.
3. humorous birthday cards for men bus driver: That’s right! There’s new Phil Factor themed birthday cards for men bus drivers. Check them out at your local Hallmark store!
2. time travel to save john lennon: Ok, sure, I like to dabble in a little bit of science when I’m not writing The Phil Factor. Unfortunately I haven’t found a way to swap Bieber for Lennon.
1. horniestintheland.com: Someone searches that website or the phrase ‘horniest in the land’ and for some reason Google has an odd hiccup that brings them to my blog. I swear. Go try it. I promise nothing bad will happen.
If you noticed the lack of capitalization in all of the search terms, that’s not my doing. That’s exactly how they were typed in by all of you out there. As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by Facebook, Twitter, or reblogging. Have a great weekend! ~Phil