Tag Archives: search terms

Fun With Search Terms!

Do you ever feel like somebody’s watching you? Here is my quarterly reminder that anything you type into a search engine is going to be read by someone somewhere and maybe put on a blog. Do yourself a favor and sign out of your Google account before you go searching stuff. Remember a couple years ago when there was that Ashley Madison data breach? This could be so much worse. I’ll keep the names to myself, for now…

10. Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: This search term has been responsible for over 6,000 views of my blog in just the last three months. If you know someone who speaks Hindi, please give them a hug, or maybe more.

9. Pick up lines psychic: I imagine that psychics have to be pretty awesome at coming up with great pick up lines. How can you go wrong when you know what they’re going to say?

8. Sharknado 5 cameo: First, look at my profile pic on the top left. Now go back and watch Sharknado 5. Keeps your eyes open at about the 31 minute mark.

7. Canadian’s foot fetish: Sorry Canada, but you’ve been outed. Or do you say ooted?

6. Fidget spinners are for idiots: I think this one speaks for itself.

5. The Brady Bunch tmnt: The Brady Bunch and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Of course they come together on my blog. All because of this awesome interview. 

4. Fun Safe Words: Looking to spice things up in the bedroom but don’t want things to go to far? Yup, #ThePhilFactor has your back. Just read this

3. Hilarious charities: Apparently Google thinks that my blog is the answer to this search. They could not be more wrong, unless you want to buy my new book, then go ahead a feel charitable all you want!

2. top ten things you need to know in zombie politics: I have a hard time believing that this isn’t related to our current president.

1. want to kill people who chew loudly: I know it’s tempting, but you really shouldn’t.

So what are the strangest search terms that have brought people to your blog?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

The Magic and Mystery of Google

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Before I begin my list of some of the most idiotic search terms that have brought people to #ThePhilFactor, I’d like to pay tribute to Google, the search engine that makes it possible. First of all Google, I love you, but you’re getting it wrong. For years I have waged the search engine ranking battle with Phil Factor, a magician from Ranch Cucamonga, California.  My blog, #ThePhilFactor, gets about 200 views a day (thanks to the horny Hindi’s). I can’t imagine that any magician not named Copperfield, Blaine, or Penn & Teller gets more hits than that. And Phil Factor from Rancho Cucamonga is not even the official magician of #ThePhilFactor. Magician James David has been featured here twice, and not just because he bought me dinner once, (although if Phil Factor the magician wants to perhaps surpass that bid with something a bit more lavish, I wouldn’t be opposed).

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Anyway, back to Google. Even if it only occasionally ranks me ahead of my magical doppelganger, Google is still amazing isn’t it? I’m also amazed and a little creeped out by some of the search terms that bring people to my blog. Then again, I’m sure some of my weird searches in the name of humor have probably had some people somewhere scratching their heads. I wish I had a list of my most idiotic search terms, but I don’t, so here’s a list of some of the weirdest stuff that has brought people to The Phil Factor in the last 90 days.

10. Cheating Amish wives stories: Apparently my site is now the Ashley Madison for the Amish. That’s right Amish hotties, The Phil Factor knows what you need. If you’re really looking for that, here’s AmishDating.com.

9. i’m sinus: No, I’m not, but if you do have sinus congestion, please ask your doctor if The Phil Factor is right for you.

8. there’s no such address as the corner of happy and healthy: If you’re in the U.S. you are no doubt familiar with the term from Walgreen’s ads. Apparently an idiot, probably with sinus congestion, was looking for a pharmacy literally at the corner of happy and healthy.

7. Cartoon poop: The post that featured this picture was one of my most popular this year.

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6. Instagram photos about worshiping: I have no idea why this brought people to my site, but if you want to worship me on Instagram you can find me @ThePhilFactor. It’s the same on Twitter too.

5. What is The Berenstain Bears conspiracy theory?: The Berenstain Bears conspiracy theory is that Mrs. Berenstain Bear was having an affair with Josh Duggar, the worst human being ever.

4. Sexting conversations to read in Hindi: With about 150 views a day related to this search term, I’m pretty sure that The Phil Factor is now the most popular Hindi dating site in the world.

3. The top 5 most painful things in the world: Apparently Google thinks that reading The Phil Factor is one of them.

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2. Adam Levine beard: Yeah, me and Adam have a history. You can read about it here.

1. HorniestInTheLand.com: Every quarter without fail this phrase/web address is in the list of search terms that bring people to my blog and it’s still one of my favorites. Do you think I should change the name of my blog to Horniest in the Land?

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor and want to see it at the top of the search list on Google, please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

And You Thought Hillary Clinton’s E-Mails Might Be Bad?

This is my quarterly “Fun with Search Terms” post where I highlight the stupidest search terms that brought someone to my blog. If you come from outside the blog world to read this, I’ll explain. Those of us that operate a blog get all sorts of information about things, like how many people read our blog each day, what countries they come from, how they got to us, ie from Facebook, Twitter or Google, and we get to see the idiotic search terms they typed into Google that brought them to us. Trust me Hillary, feel free to show the world your secret e-mails. They can’t be more embarrassing than what some people have searched for.

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10. Kittens in snow talking: Who is leaving their kittens outside in the snow? I am calling the SPCA. Bring those kittens inside! Of course this brought people to my blog. Aren’t I always writing about kittens?

9. First man alive: I’m not saying if I am or I’m not, but my blog has been around for ten years, so I may have been the first man blogging.

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8. High Santa on weed: Instead of milk and cookies I leave Santa pot brownies.

7. Kimberly Taylor boobs: As you may have noticed, I almost never talk about family on The Phil Factor. I will neither confirm nor deny if I am related to Kimberly Taylor or her boobs.

6. Is there an I hate Oprah website? I have been proud of many accomplishments in my life. The fact that Google decided my blog was the answer to this question supersedes all previous accomplishments.

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5. Meerkat butts: Well who doesn’t love a tight little meerkat butt? They’re so cute.

4. Things that have happened on a Tuesday: That’s right, if it happens on a Tuesday you’ll find it documented here.

3. All nude perfect skinny ass backward nice: You know how in America every Chinese restaurant is named something like Grand Super China Incredible Dragon Buffet? This search term is like that but as if someone with English as a second language was looking for a strip club. And yes, my skinny ass looks backward nice.

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2. Horniestintheland.com: Go on, put that search term into Google. I’m not daring you. I insist that you do it. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Open a tab, put in Google.com, type horniestintheland.com. The first two search results are to The Phil Factor, right? Now try this: click “images” at the top of the Google page. It’s all pictures that have been on The Phil Factor! Google has officially decided that I am HorniestInTheLand! Should I add that to my LinkedIn profile?

1. Real sexting conversations to read in hindi: In just the last 30 days alone 53 people have used this search term and found my blog. Something strange regarding sexting in Hindi happened somewhere in the world. Either that, or I’m secretly embedding Hindi sexual innuendo in my blog posts. Only my Hindi friends will really know.

There you have it. My quarterly proof that there are certain people that probably shouldn’t be allowed to vote or operate a motor vehicle. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. The more times my nonsense gets shared the more ridiculous the Google search results will become. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Is Big Brother Watching or Are You Watching Big Brother?

Depending on when you were born one of these two pictures will appeal to you more.

A big sarcastic shout out to WordPress for not making it possible to put these pictures side by side in any reasonable way. Depending on when you were born the phrase Big Brother is either a good thing or a bad thing. For those of us born long enough ago to remember George Orwell’s book, this post is for you because in the internet age Big Brother is truly watching you. The following are the ten best search terms people put into Google during the last 90 days that brought them to my blog:

10. Reasons not to do the ice bucket challenge: Like everyone else on the internet I had a post about the ice bucket challenge titled The Top Ten Reasons NOT To Do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. It’s a sad statement on our society that about 1000 times since I wrote that post someone got to my blog hoping to find a reason not to do it.

9. has phil taylor had plastic surgery? Much like the late Joan Rivers I may have had some work done. But hey, I still look pretty damn good for a 87 year old don’t I?

8. sexiest man alive 2014: From your search engine to God’s ears! I’m thinking that this just might be my year.

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7. Bradley Cooper hygiene: Brad was on track to play one of The Golden Boys in the movie adaptation of my book White Picket Prisons but because of his hygiene we couldn’t stand to have him on the set any longer. We replaced him with Justin Bieber.

6. robin williams crazy ones cancellation contributary factor: Hey, whoa nellie! Don’t pin the cancellation of Robin Williams last show on me! Now if I could somehow engineer the cancellation of Duck Dynasty I would take full credit for that.

5. phil taylor american idol 2003: No, of course I didn’t win, unless you count me and Kelly Clarkson, if you know what I mean.

4. taylor swift crazy: Did I date Taylor Swift? Did Taylor Swift write one of her breakup songs about me? Is Taylor Swift crazy? Because of a legal agreement with someone I’m not able to comment about, I can’t answer any of those questions. You can connect your own dots. Also I want one specific person who I know is reading this to remember that the restraining order says 500 feet.

3. humorous birthday cards for men bus driver: That’s right! There’s new Phil Factor themed birthday cards for men bus drivers. Check them out at your local Hallmark store!

2. time travel to save john lennon: Ok, sure, I like to dabble in a little bit of science when I’m not writing The Phil Factor. Unfortunately I haven’t found a way to swap Bieber for Lennon.

1. horniestintheland.com: Someone searches that website or the phrase ‘horniest in the land’ and for some reason Google has an odd hiccup that brings them to my blog. I swear. Go try it. I promise nothing bad will happen.

If you noticed the lack of capitalization in all of the search terms, that’s not my doing. That’s exactly how they were typed in by all of you out there. As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by Facebook, Twitter, or reblogging. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If You Love Honey Boo Boo, You’ll Love…The Phil Factor?

This is my new quarterly feature, Fun with Search Terms! You know how when you put in a search term you get pages of related websites? Some are close to what you wanted to find and others not so much. Have you ever worded your search term poorly and gotten some results that made you click your browser closed in horror and go take a shower? This post is my quarterly reminder to be careful what you put into a search engine because somewhere someone knows what you’re looking for.

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WordPress tracks the search terms that bring people to The Phil Factor. Here are some of my favorites from the last 90 days along with my commentary:

If you love Honey Boo Boo you’ll love: The Phil Factor? Yup, apparently Google thought that my whimsical trailer park wisdom would appeal to the Honey Boo Boo crowd. Jeez, what’s next, Duck Dynasty fans? Speaking of that, just to be clear, I am not the Phil that everyone is so riled up about this week. We’ve suspended him from Phil Club until further notice.

Reasons to hate OprahI’m only surprised that someone had to do a search to find reasons. I can think of at least ten off the top of my head.

Cub Scout cult: If I was to start a cult it definitely wouldn’t be with Cub Scouts, and especially not with the scout leaders. The khaki shorts and kerchief outfit gives me the creeps.

Dog drool germs: Apparently Google thinks my blog is the place to find dog drool germs. That’s why I keep Purel over in the left sidebar. On a related note, if you just looked at my left sidebar to see if it was there I strongly suspect you may be one of the people whose search terms end up in this list.

Kid stuck to popes leg: I’m not allowed to comment until the Vatican issues a public statement.

Ted Cruz catheter: Apparently after reading several passages from #ThePhilFactor during his infamous filibuster Senator Cruz laughed so hard that he peed himself.

Etiquette for men peeing outside: Proving that I am a resource of useful information, yes, there is etiquette for men peeing outside and I wrote about it here.

Celine Dion satanic: I don’t believe for a minute that Satan would want Celine Dion hanging around with him. Her music isn’t evil, it’s just bad.

Horniestintheland.com : I don’t know if that’s a real website and I’m afraid to look, but someone found The Phil Factor by entering that search term. Is there a Horniest in the Land contest? If I entered and posted the link here would you vote for me?

People Magazines sexiest man alive year after year: At least Google search thinks of me as The Sexiest Man Alive even if People Magazine keeps getting it wrong.

As always, if you enjoyed The Phil Factor please share it with your friends by hitting the Facebook share button below. Happy Holidays and have a great weekend!