Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons I Want to Live in Hotels Forever

If sometime in hopefully the very near future I win a lottery of approximately 1 trillion dollars I am going to sell my house and car and spend the rest of my life in hotels.


10. No lawn to mow: At hotels I won’t have any yardwork and yet the hedges will always be impeccably trimmed and sometimes in the whimsical shapes of animals. Or should it be the shapes of whimsical animals? Are animals capable of whimsy? I’m not even sure I am.

9. Housekeeping! Who doesn’t want their room cleaned every day? I imagine though that I’d develop an unhealthy Mom complex with my housekeeper to the point that she asks to be re-assigned to another floor.

8. The hotel bar: If I lived there it would be like Cheers and everyone would know my name and yell “Phil!” when I walk in.

7. Coffee in my room: I love just hopping out of bed, turning on the coffee maker and then hopping back in bed with my fresh cup of joe to watch the morning news.

6. The in room hotel safe: I don’t care if it’s tiny. I still feel cool as hell having a safe to lock things up with my secret code. I feel all Mission Impossible-like when I use the safe. I still can’t find a way to lower myself from the ceiling when I’m pretending to break into my own safe.

5. Fresh towels! Soft, cushy and clean every day. They make me feel like that fabric softener bear in the commercial. And btw, I’m only using them once. Re-using a towel is not going to save the planet. I saw a trash receptacle at my local supermarket that said “179 recycled milk jugs were used to create this trash can.” Are you kidding me? The time, energy and fossil fuel needed to make a giant trash can out of milk jugs probably shortened the life of this planet by a year. Don’t tell me to re-use my towels!

4. Weather: I grew up in upstate New York and I still live here. I’m sick and tired of snow. No, I don’t like the change of seasons. You know who says they like the change of seasons? People who live somewhere warm. Jackasses. Spend your whole life digging your car out of the snow six months a year and see if you like the change of seasons then. When I live in hotels I’ll never have to see snow again if I don’t want to.


3. If You’re tired of the view you can move: If it’s the view from my room or just the city the hotel is in; if I’ve seen all there is to see I can just go to another hotel somewhere else. At some point you know I’ll be in Snow White’s Castle at Disney World. That will be awkward.

2. The friendly hotel staff: They have to be nice to you whether they like you or not. It’s not that I have any problem with people not liking me, but in real, non-hotel life sometimes other people are having bad days or whatever and are not nice. Within the safe confines of a hotel everyone is friendly and there to help. Who doesn’t enjoy groveling sycophants?

1. Being driven around: If I sold my house and car and lived in hotels I’d never have to drive again. At some point in the distant future my sight and reaction time will decline to the point that it would be unsafe for me to continue driving; but you know what? I’ll still have a driver’s license and no one will stop me. When I live in hotels I’ll just call for a taxi, shuttle bus or town car if I need to go somewhere. Me living in hotels will save lives, so if you would all go buy all of my books to the point that I get that trillion dollars I need, it may even save your life. Who knows? If left to my own devices I could be driving down your street someday and you don’t really want that do you?

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

14 responses to “Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons I Want to Live in Hotels Forever

  1. Brilliant reasons, all. Especially the change of seasons thing. They drop in up north in time for the foliage tours and hightail it out of there after Christmas!! Reuse those towels, Phil!! LOL.

  2. Ah, but the question is, which hotel would you live in?

  3. Absolutely, I have no problems hotel hopping when I hit it rich!

    There was a woman who lived in a hotel up in Northern Virginia for ten years. She was single, had a good government job, had no family and figured it was cheaper to stay at a hotel full time rather than pay DC/NoVA rents or housing. Probably right about that too. Nice hotel too, not a no-tell motel or even one dedicated to short-term relocation. She moved out when she finally retired 🙂

  4. OH MY. I enjoy your spin on hotels, but I am in complete disagreement. I hate hotels. So much. I’d rather camp, or stay in a homey B&B…

    and I love yard work 😉

    • LOL. To each, his or her own. I’ll take the hotels. Truth be told though, over the past 7 years for my job I’ve been in so many hotels that they are all blurring together and I can’t separate one from the other.

  5. Your top 10 list works for me .. and I would add one more of my favourites – room service. There are just some days when access to room service would be nothing short of sublime 🙂

  6. Reblogged this on The Phil Factor and commented:

    I’m traveling for work this week so I thought I’d reblog this Top Ten from last year about my love for hotels. Have a great Thursday ! ~Phil

  7. What a fabulous idea, I’m making my fantasy list of hotels as I type ..

  8. I think I might! 🙂

  9. I’m with you. I would like to live in hotels and your ten reasons are the same as mine with one more addition. Don’t have to worry about dinner. Just call room service.

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