Tag Archives: Top Ten

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Superheroes

Photo by Edy Hardjo & featured on DigitalSynopsis.com

Lately it seems that every month there’s a new blockbuster super hero movie coming out. That got me to thinking, what if the superheroes were just a little bit different…

1. Wonder Bread Woman: She makes one heck of a PB&J. She leaves a plate of them out and hopes the villains get hungry.

Aquaman is property of DC Comics

2. AquaNet Man: He has a beautiful head of hair and knows what to do with it.

3. Super Pooper Man: He knocks out bad guys with lactose intolerance induced flatulence. A glass of milk is his kryptonite.

4. Spider Veins Man: He always wears short shorts but probably shouldn’t. His legs look so bad the criminals surrender out of sympathy.

5. Captain ‘Murica: He’s a redneck that chases villains in his car crushing monster truck. He just rolls down the window and throws Bud Light cans at them.

6. Iron Man: He really should be Ironic Man because his name is ironic. He’s called iron man because he’s anemic and has to take iron supplements all day. He tires quickly. The criminals keep running until he wears down and has to quit.

7. Green Lantern: It’s actually just an eleven year old kid with one of those plastic light sabers that lights up green and makes that cool noise when you swing it around. He tries to entertain the bad guys until the cops show up.

Picture courtesy of despair.com

8. The Flash-er: He just opens his trench coat and hopes the bad guys are so surprised that they stop what they’re doing. There’s also warrants for his arrest in seven states and he’s not allowed within 500 feet of schools.

9. The Invisible Woman: She has cyber relationships with lots of guys but nobody has ever met her. It’s probably just a creepy old dude.

10.  Green Arrow: Let me get this straight, his super power is being really good at archery? Back in school the archery team was for the people that weren’t athletic enough to make the bowling team. You know the saying, don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. Don’t bring an arrow either. Someone will shoot you. With a bullet.

Have a super Tuesday! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Signs That You’re Addicted To Blogging

10. Going about your normal day you have a random thought that is followed, without pause, by the thought, “I’ll have to put that on my blog.”

9. Your hear a joke or see a movie and you think to yourself, “I’ll bet IdahoBlogWoman274 would think that was funny.”

8. You use your work computer for blogging more than working.

7. You actually think that your thoughts, life, or ideas are so interesting that you’ve got more than one blog.

6. You’ve upgraded, your computer so that you can blog better, whatever than means.

5. The word “blogiversary” is now part of your vocabulary.

4. You like people in the blog world better than the ones in the real world.

3. When you go on a family vacation you take your laptop with you and berate every helpless desk clerk unfortunate enough to work for a hotel with a bad internet connection.

2. Your draft folder has more posts than you’ve actually published.

1. You think that you’re so important that you include you’re own name in the title of your blog as if people will  think to themselves, “Holy s#@t! A blog by Phil! I’d better go read that!”

I’m guilty of many, but not all of these, and I know some of you are guilty of others in this list. Feel free to add some of you’re own in the comments. I’d love to hear them. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Phil Factor Posts of 2017

These are the top ten most wildly popular Phil Factor posts of 2017 based on views. If you missed them the first time, just click the title. They’re new to you!

10. Dear Women, We Are Not ThemConsidering the public outrage over virtually every famous man being a creep and predator, I’m surprised this one didn’t get even more views.

9. Do Drugs, Not HugsMy humorous ode to those that aren’t fans of physical contact with mere acquaintances. There’s a poll at the end of this one. You should go vote.

8. Dear Donald Trump,Mr. Trump didn’t ask for my advice, but I gave it to him anyway. This one got a ton of shares to other social media.

7. Want a Million Dollars? Make Your Bed (and other things that will make you rich)Is there something to be learned from the habits of the uber wealthy and my sarcastic comments about them?

6. Facebook People vs. Twitter PeopleIs there really a difference, or do we act differently on different social media?

5. Blogger Stereotypes: Are You One? Are you as original as you think? Maybe not.

4. My Psychic Predictions for 2017I got a couple right and some were near misses that might still pan out.  Come back on Saturday for my Earth shattering psychic predictions for 2018!

3. Music Monday! The Strangest Thing I’ve Ever Seen on A Music StageThis one completely surprised me. I posted a video of Judas Priest‘s Rob Halford singing with #Babymetal, an unusual Japanese heavy metal act, and the next day I had, for about a week, the most popular blog in Japan.

2. Me and Billie Joe ArmstrongMy musical story from childhood until now. And in spite of the brilliant writing, not even an e-mail yet from the frontman of “God’s favorite band“.

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1. People Are Stupid, So Why Should It Be …: My frustration with a lot of stupidity in the world. Based on this posts popularity, either a lot of people love Depeche Mode, or they love to hate.

Honorable Mention Goes To: Could There Be Snakes in YOUR Can? This was one of my favorites that just missed the top ten. You’re welcome to share any or all of these on social media. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons To HATE The Holidays

You’re a mean one Mister Grinch. You really are a heel. You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mister Grinch. You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

Yup, that’s me; King of sarcasm and hater of all things jolly. I’m not saying that there aren’t things to love about the holidays. There are plenty, but c’mon everybody, if we’re truly being honest with ourselves, there are a lot of things to hate about the holidays. Here’s my top ten, and in the spirit of a gift that keeps on giving, I’m hoping I’ll mention one or two things you haven’t noticed before and from this day forward you won’t be able to not notice them.

10. Candy canes: They’re sticky. That’s pretty much it. I like the minty flavor, but I can get that in a York Peppermint Patty without my lips, tongue and hands covered in a gross, viscous substance. And they make too many! Has anyone ever eaten all the candy canes they purchase each year? There must be landfills just overflowing with candy canes. If we could make fossil fuel out of leftover candy canes the world would be a better place.

9. The Nog Shortage: All holiday season everything is nog this and nog that. It’s hard to find a beverage that doesn’t offer a nog flavored option. (kind of like the Fall pumpkin influx) But, if you like nog you’re screwed about 8 weeks later. Apparently nog is such a rare and valuable commodity that it can only be offered for a limited time. I’m going to get rich by drilling a nog well in my backyard and then selling my nog at outrageous prices. I will also have a Nog Blog.

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8.  Holiday movies set in southern California: I hate them because the people in them always look so happy to go outside and hang lights on their palm trees. Jerks. They’re just flaunting their warm weather and lack of snow. If you want a holiday movie to make me happy, how about one where a bunch of So-Cal people are stranded in an avalanche in the Himalayas and they have to eat each other to survive.

iStockphoto.com/KonArt

iStockphoto.com/KonArt

7. More traffic: This one’s pretty obvious, but for cripes sake you idiots! Haven’t you heard of the internet? I don’t care how much I love someone, nobody is worth going to the mall for from now until mid-January.

6. Lazy Hollywood folksAll our regular shows go on hiatus and show re-runs for 8 weeks. Seriously? You people make billions off these shows and you only make 22 episodes a year? That’s only five and a half months of work! When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating that every television program is required to produce a holiday special and one other original episode during the months of December and January.

5.  Lines in every store ALL the time: Yes, this one’s pretty obvious. It’s just a good thing no one sells handguns as an impulse buy item at the checkouts. Then again, I don’t live in the south, they probably do there.

4. FrozenI don’t even have a young Disney Princess obsessed daughter and I’m sick and tired of this stupid movie. I’m sick of the songs and the pictures everywhere. I’ve never seen it and I don’t know what it’s about, but enough already! It’s just another Disney movie where the parents are dead right? I challenge Disney to make some movies where they don’t kill parents as a cheap emotional hook at the beginning.

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3.  Commercials: I’ve never walked out to my driveway or garage to find a car with a bow on it. I’ve seen some version of this commercial since I was a kid, completely setting me up with unrealistic expectations.  Look, Bill Gates, I know you and your wife donate millions to charitable causes, just once could you skip a few mosquito nets and vaccines and have a Lexus delivered to my driveway?

2. Religious differences: It’s hard to believe, but not every religion has their most important, most exciting holiday in December. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m passing a law stating that all religions have to have their biggest holiday at the same time so we can easily sort out the school schedules, sales, and work vacations, Makes sense doesn’t it? And just to show that I’m not Christianity-centric, let’s do it in July in the northern hemisphere and December in the southern hemisphere. That way no one has to deal with snow when traveling to see the relatives, unless you’re stupid enough to live where there’s always snow.

1. Santa Claus: And you thought they’re milking the Batman and Spider-Man characters for all their worth? St. Nick hasn’t changed in centuries! Jeez, get that guy a cape and some superpowers. How awesome would that be if he had a nemesis that was out trying to stop him from delivering presents. God has the devil, Batman has the Joker, why can’t Santa have a nemesis?

Please put your holiday pet peeves in the comments. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor don’t be a Grinch and share it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or reblog button below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Things You’ll Wish You Didn’t Know

11. On Thanksgiving every year thirteen people die while reading blogs. OK, I made that one up, but the rest might be true because I read them on the internet.

10. FDA regulations allow 10 insects and 35 fruit fly eggs per 8 oz of raisins. Yum! Natures candy!

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9. When the sun goes out we will only have eight minutes and nineteen seconds before it gets very, very cold.

8. Your cell phone has more bacteria than your toilet.

cell phone

7. The movie Toy Story is full of references to the movie The Shining. See that carpet in Sid’s room? Same one from the Overlook Hotel in The Shining.

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6. Depending upon the brand of toilet paper you use, fecal matter can travel through up to ten layers.

5. If you can smell it, then there are microscopic particles of it in your nose. We breathe in about a liter of farts per day.

Doll from The Conjuring

Doll from The Conjuring

4. There is a real island to the South of Mexico City that is said to be one of the most haunted places in the world. The place is called, Isle de la Muñecas, or Island of the Dolls, and hanging in its trees are thousands of extremely scary dolls that are constantly watching.The story goes that the caretaker of the island began hanging the dolls up in trees after he found the body of girl in the water. As time went by, the caretaker began to complain that he heard voices whispering for him to come back to the place where he found the drowned girl. No one paid attention until the day he was found dead, drowned in the same place as she had, no witnesses except for the thousands of glass eyes nearby.

3. Over the course of our lifetime we inadvertently eat two pounds of dirt.

2. In the United States 2500 left handed people die every year due to using equipment designed for right handers.

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1. The odds of you dying on your way to buy a lottery tickets are actual better than your odds of winning the lottery.

Which one disturbs you the most? Personally, I’m a little worried about the left handers. I’m not one, but it would be a shame to see their species become extinct. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Reasons I Should Be People’s Sexiest Man Alive

Tomorrow People Magazine will name their Sexiest Man Alive for 2017. I have high hopes, but as usual I assume that People Magazine will pander to the lowest common denominator and choose some allegedly good looking, hunky but mindless actor or musician. Here are my ten reason’s why they should choose me:

10. Because Google Says So: Go to Google Images and Google  “Phil Sexiest Man Alive”. That picture above comes up first. If Google thinks it’s true, it must be.

9. Because I Have A Blog: I have a blog and I published a book. We’re not even sure if most of these pretty boys they choose can read much less write.

8. You Stare At My Picture More Than Theirs: Let’s face it, you’ve been to my blog several times a week over the past year, meaning that you’ve probably seen my little profile pic countless times. Over the past year you’ve looked at my picture far more than whoever People will choose, ergo, I am sexier.

7. I’m all natural: Unlike many previous Sexiest Man Alive winners, I’m all natural. No steroids, hair implants or hair dye. I’m 100% all-American male.

6. I’m Employed: Have you ever noticed that they always choose actors? That’s a fly by night bunch if I ever saw one. Flitting from one job to the next. I’m employed full-time every day and I have health insurance. That’s the American dream right?

5. I’m a Normal Guy: Aren’t we all tired of magazines pushing these unrealistic expectations of what is sexy on us? It’s always rail thin models with implants and “hunky” guys who have no real jobs so they work out all day with a personal trainer. How about if People chose a “real” man for Sexiest Man Alive? A normal guy who is sexy because he’s smart, funny, works hard, and provides for his family? Isn’t that what most women really want at the end of the day instead of an unattainable player?

4. I’m Smart: Now I know nobody is going to mistake me for Leonardo DaVinci, but I’m pretty sure I could crush Leonardo DiCaprio at Jeopardy! Most people think intelligence is sexy. Marilyn Monroe once said that the sexiest man alive was Albert Einstein. I’m not going to give you a lecture on physics, but I can hold up my end of a conversation.  I’m willing to pit myself against any show biz pretty boy in a Jeopardy! challenge. C’mon People magazine! Set it up! Let’s make this years Sexiest Man Alive earn it by being sexy inside and out. How about me, Bill Gates, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson vs. Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper & Ryan Reynolds in a game of Trivial Pursuit? That would be riveting television!

3. I Would Look Great On Money: Why not? Why does money have to feature old,  dead Presidents? Most of them are pretty ugly any way. I propose that each Sexiest Man Alive gets to spend the following year as the face on the American one dollar bill.

2. Gray Hair is Distinguished: All you ladies always say that gray hair makes a man look “handsome” or “distinguished.” Over the past year my hair has been getting gray A.F. as the kids say. If chicks dig a guy with a little salt and pepper action going on, then I’m your man.

1. I’m Already Sexiest Blogger Alive: I was once named Sexiest Blogger Alive  so doesn’t it make sense that I should take the next step and ascend to the real throne? Go ahead, click that link. I dare you.

There you have it, my annual argument why I should be named Sexiest Man Alive. If I don’t win it this year, as a consolation there is one other thing I’d like to win: The AllAuthor.com Cover of The Month Contest. Please click THIS LINK and vote for my book cover. Thank you and have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

 

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Ideas For Top Ten Lists

10. The Top Ten Rashes Shaped Like Presidents

9. The Ten Most Horrific Diseases You Didn’t Know About

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8. Ten Ways Your Pets Might Kill You

7. The Ten Worst Ideas for Top Ten Lists

6. Ten Ways To Tell If Your Spouse Doesn’t Love You

5. The Ten Most Painful Things That Could Happen To You

4. Ten Reasons You’ll Never Really Find Happiness

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3. The Ten Most Unusual Bowel Movements Ever 

2. Ten Ways Your Children Will Disappoint You

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1. Ten Things Living Inside Your Body Right Now

So who wants me to actually look up and create lists for all of these? And which one would be the absolute worst for you to read? Or do you have another suggestion for the list? Have a great Tuesday everyone! ~Phil