Are you wondering how the title goes with that picture of a guinea pig? Read on! I’ve eaten some weird things in my life, but there are some things I just won’t touch. If I were to go on a reality show like Survivor or Naked and Afraid, I’d be fine with eating bugs and snakes. This may be tempting fate, but here are ten things I will never eat intentionally.
10. Mustard: I believe that this is a substance spawned in the bowels of hell. I put only ketchup on my hot dogs. I can throw up right now if I just think about mustard long enough. Moving on…
9. Onions: I’d rather eat broken glass. I can tolerate some onion powder in a dish, I’m OK with the flavor, but not the texture of onions in my mouth.
8. Other humans: Like I said, I may be tempting fate here, but cannibalism just seems to be in bad taste. Of course if my plane goes down in the Andes mountains and we run out of peanuts… As an aside, I was once told by a family historian that a couple hundred years ago some of my ancestors may have partaken in human flesh. They were in Canada and it was a tough winter. Surely, that’s understandable, right?
7. Brains: Not human of course. In many countries it’s not unusual to eat animal brains. The brain reportedly is the most nutritionally dense part of any animal. It just seems wrong. What if in some comic book type plot I suddenly starting thinking like and talking like the animal whose brain I ate? I’d probably fail as a zombie.
6. Seahorses: They’re served fried on a stick in China. I think they’re cute and have a look of intelligence. I hate eating cute animals.
5. Guinea pig: Here’s the reason for the picture at the top of this article. Often eaten in South American countries. Umm…no thanks. I find them ugly when they’re alive. Why would I put them in my mouth? Did you know that if you pick them up by their tail their eyes will pop out?
4. Kiviak: This one makes we want to puke just thinking about it. Kiviak is a traditional Inuit (Eskimo) food from Greenland. They take a seal, dead I hope, and stuff it with 500 birds, also dead I hope, and then bury it under the ground to ferment for months. It is said to help the Inuits combat vitamin deficiencies in their diet. Haven’t the Inuits ever heard of taking actual vitamins? Someone get them a wi-fi signal! (I was going to put a picture in for this one, but all the pictures of it were very off putting in the morning.
3. Deviled eggs: I eat hard boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, fried eggs and most any other kind of eggs. Won’t touch a deviled egg. It just looks wrong. Ugh, and adding the paprika on top makes it look wronger.
2. Smalahove: It’s sheeps head. They eat it in Norway. I’ll eat just about any animal, but at least take the face off first.
1. Pickles: Of all the things on this list this is the one I would choose last if forced to. If I’m on a reality show and the challenge is to eat a pickle with mustard I bow out immediately no matter how much money is on the line. It’s the sour, awful vinegar. I can’t get past the smell. I held a pickle once but couldn’t bring myself to eat it.
So what foods are your kryptonite and why?
Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
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