Category Archives: Top Ten

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Most Painful Things That Have Ever Happened To Me

Keeping in mind that pain and experiences are very subjective, here are the ten most painful things I’ve ever experienced.

10. Stubbing only my pinky toe: This is the worst isn’t it? Especially because it’s never expected. I’ve done this several times because there is absolutely no way to prevent it from happening unless I wear steel-toed boots all the time.

9. Tore a tricep muscle in a scooter accident: You know those little razor scooters that used to be popular among kids? (see picture below) About 6 years ago, when I was still a full-grown adult, my family was going to go out to dinner. My son was playing over at a friends house and did not yet own a cell phone, so I hopped on his razor scooter to zip over there and tell him it was time to go home. I have a downhill driveway and those little scooter wheels have absolutely no traction. Needless to say, when I tried to make the turn at the bottom of the driveway the scooter and I went our separate directions and I hit the ground on my left elbow.

Picture credit: esquire.com

Picture credit: esquire.com

8. Big toe possibly broken by a speeding baseball: My middle son used to be a very good high school baseball player. During a pitching workout I played catcher for him. I wore all the catchers gear because he could throw the ball around 80 mph (125 kph) or better. One place the gear doesn’t cover is the end of your feet. Often pitches move towards the end of their flight. Towards the end of one balls flight it dropped low and away from the center of the plate and struck me right in the big toe. Well, not right on the big toe. I was wearing sneakers. It felt like my toe exploded.

7. Getting a novacaine injection right into the roof of my mouth: I was having one of several oral surgeries I’ve had in my life. The needle into the roof of my mouth hurt enough that I reflexively grabbed the armrests to prevent me from shooting out of the chair.  To add insult to injury the oral surgeon said “Oops” as blood spurted out onto his hand. It was my blood, not his. If I have a top ten list of times you don’t want to hear oops, when a needle is in your mouth is definitely one of them.

6. Paper cut: The pain doesn’t last long, but for a fraction of a second you think you’re going to bleed to death.

Paper-Cut-Detector

5. A combination of bone spurs and a torn labrum: These things were both occurring in my right shoulder at the same time. The labrum is a cuff of cartilage-like stuff that goes around the ball and socket joint helping to hold it in place. One day, the day I decided to finally have surgery, I was walking down a hallway at work and suddenly something happened in my shoulder, possibly the torn labrum got pinched in the joint. The pain literally staggered me.

4. Guy fell on my head: I was playing basketball and I dove for a loose ball. Another player fell right on my head, driving my face into the floor. I needed stitches above my right eye and broke a tooth.

3. In bare feet at night and stepping on a Lego you didn’t see: Here’s my advice: If you’re not a parent yet, you can avoid the whole thing by just keeping the status quo. If you are a parent, never ever buy your children Legos. Even if you’re vigilant about them picking them up, one time they’ll miss one and you’ll step on it and fall to the floor.

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2. Childbirth: Look, you women can whine all you want about pushing a watermelon out of a garden hose, but you get to lay down and take pain meds. When my wife gave birth I had to stand next to the bed for hours. My feet and back were exhausted and sore. I put this in to see how many of you read this far and want to yell at me now.

1. Inadequate local anesthesia for a cut into my spine: For many years I had a small, cyst under the skin right over my lower spine. The doctor said it was just some skin cells that clogged the pore. For a decade that cyst sat there doing nothing. Then one day it blew up to the size of a golf ball, on my back. A painful golf ball. It was infected. I went to a general surgeon who put some local anesthesia around the cyst. Then cut it open and started cleaning the infection out. It felt like someone took a scalding hot, razor sharp knife and was directly poking at unprotected nerves. It was the kind of pain that made me grip the corners of the exam table and grit my teeth.

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Phil Factor Posts of 2017

These are the top ten most wildly popular Phil Factor posts of 2017 based on views. If you missed them the first time, just click the title. They’re new to you!

10. Dear Women, We Are Not ThemConsidering the public outrage over virtually every famous man being a creep and predator, I’m surprised this one didn’t get even more views.

9. Do Drugs, Not HugsMy humorous ode to those that aren’t fans of physical contact with mere acquaintances. There’s a poll at the end of this one. You should go vote.

8. Dear Donald Trump,Mr. Trump didn’t ask for my advice, but I gave it to him anyway. This one got a ton of shares to other social media.

7. Want a Million Dollars? Make Your Bed (and other things that will make you rich)Is there something to be learned from the habits of the uber wealthy and my sarcastic comments about them?

6. Facebook People vs. Twitter PeopleIs there really a difference, or do we act differently on different social media?

5. Blogger Stereotypes: Are You One? Are you as original as you think? Maybe not.

4. My Psychic Predictions for 2017I got a couple right and some were near misses that might still pan out.  Come back on Saturday for my Earth shattering psychic predictions for 2018!

3. Music Monday! The Strangest Thing I’ve Ever Seen on A Music StageThis one completely surprised me. I posted a video of Judas Priest‘s Rob Halford singing with #Babymetal, an unusual Japanese heavy metal act, and the next day I had, for about a week, the most popular blog in Japan.

2. Me and Billie Joe ArmstrongMy musical story from childhood until now. And in spite of the brilliant writing, not even an e-mail yet from the frontman of “God’s favorite band“.

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1. People Are Stupid, So Why Should It Be …: My frustration with a lot of stupidity in the world. Based on this posts popularity, either a lot of people love Depeche Mode, or they love to hate.

Honorable Mention Goes To: Could There Be Snakes in YOUR Can? This was one of my favorites that just missed the top ten. You’re welcome to share any or all of these on social media. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Ten Weird Holiday Traditions From Around the World

onemomsworld.wordpress.com

Not everybody celebrates the holidays just like you do. One of the ten traditions in the list is made up by me. See if you can guess which one is the fake and put your guess in the comments.

Ten Weird Holiday Traditions From Around the World

10. South Africa: In South Africa deep fried caterpillars are the traditional holiday meal. Who knows why? Maybe they believe that eating caterpillars symbolically will make their life turn into a butterfly or some such nonsense. Or maybe caterpillars are just really tasty. Who are we kidding? Anything deep fried IS really tasty.

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9. Norway: Maybe my blogging friend Maja Asgautsen from Norway can tell me if this is accurate. According to what I read in the internet, in Norway it’s traditional not to do any cleaning on Christmas Eve and all brooms are put away. Sounds like Norwegian Christmas Eve happens at my house several days every week.

8. Caracas, Venezuela: Residents of this one town, Caracas, go to Christmas Eve mass on roller skates.

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7. Germany: In Germany they hide a pickle in the Christmas tree and the first child to find it gets a small gift. I would bet that in German bars around the holidays  “Hey gorgeous, how would you like to play hide the pickle?” is an overused, and probably unsuccessful pick up line.

6. Ukraine: In the Ukraine, instead of tinsel and lights they decorate their Christmas trees with fake spider webs and spiders. Apparently they watch The Nightmare Before Christmas  a little too often.

5. China: In China families bring their pets, dogs, cats, and birds to a special mass on Christmas Eve to have them blessed. In Chinese culture it is believed that animals are more susceptible to demonic possession and the ceremony is thought to “cleanse” them for the coming year.  That is why most households have a “lucky cat” statue to ward off evil spirits.

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4. Estonia: Families go to the sauna together. I’m cool with going to the sauna, but with my family? Ugh.

3. Great Britain: Tradition dictates that each member of the family must stir the Christmas pudding in a clockwise direction and make a wish. Reportedly 90% of wishes are “I wish is wasn’t cold and rainy.”

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2. Guatemala: They sweep out their houses on Christmas Eve, with brooms they borrowed from the Norwegianscreating a pile of dirt in front of their home. Then they burn an effigy of the devil on top. Geez, Guatemala, lighten up, it’s Christmas! It’s supposed to be fun.

1. Greece: In a twisted version of Elf on the Shelf, the Greeks tell their children that the Kallikantzaroi, a race of evil goblins that live undergroundcome to the surface to wreak havoc during the twelve days of Christmas. Nice, parenting by terror. What’s more traditional than that?

Well, one of those ten is a completely fake. Which one do you think it is? Have a great Friday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons To Love The Holidays!

In an effort to offset my Grinchiness from last weeks ‘Top Ten Reasons To Hate The Holidays” I present you with the opposite.

forums.hexus.net

forums.hexus.net

10. Ridiculous Holiday Light Displays: That’s not my house but I wish it was. I love people that take the decorating and lights waaaay too far. I wish we could do it all year long. If there’s a neighborhood that decorates all year long, let me know. I’ll move there.

9. Getting presents: Well duh! Free stuff that we didn’t know we needed or wanted? Yes please! Notice that the presents are only 9th on my list? That’s because I’m not superficial and materialistic.

wpid-img_20141208_191336.jpg8. Nutcrackers: I buy my nuts pre-cracked but I love these guys anyway for no good reason.  As much as I love them I’d also love Stephen King, or maybe me, to write a Christmas horror story where nutcrackers come to life and terrorize people like Chuckie. Imagine how creepy they’s be if you added sharp teeth! (Yes, that herd of nutcrackers is at my house staring at me right now)

7. Holiday Movies: Stay tunes for my list of the ten best holiday movies next Tuesday.

6. Time off from work: Let’s be honest, how many of us love our job so much that we’d do it even if we didn’t get paid? Bueller? Bueller? Yeah, I didn’t think so. I’m taking the week off between Christmas and New Years. Don’t worry, I’ll still keep blogging because I’d do that even if they didn’t pay me.

GrinchCindyPic5. Holiday Specials: Scroll back to Dec 1st for my top ten holiday specials. The Grinch is a total badass but he’s not number 1 on that list.

4. Awkward Family Holiday PhotosI don’t care if they’re real or fake, they’re funny. I hope someday to create my own that becomes a meme on the internet.

3. Sometimes jerks try a little harder not to be: Including me. I don’t think I’m a jerk, but it’s nice that me and most other people try a little harder to be cordial, except at the mall.

2. My holiday tie collection: Yes, this is one you should love too. This year I own enough holiday themed ties that I can wear a different one every work day from Thanksgiving until Christmas. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you’ve probably seen them.

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Red GiftNumber 1 is left blank for you. What is it that you love about the holidays above all else? Put in the comments what you love most about Hanukkah or Christmas. Have a great Tuesday!~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons To HATE The Holidays

You’re a mean one Mister Grinch. You really are a heel. You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mister Grinch. You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

Yup, that’s me; King of sarcasm and hater of all things jolly. I’m not saying that there aren’t things to love about the holidays. There are plenty, but c’mon everybody, if we’re truly being honest with ourselves, there are a lot of things to hate about the holidays. Here’s my top ten, and in the spirit of a gift that keeps on giving, I’m hoping I’ll mention one or two things you haven’t noticed before and from this day forward you won’t be able to not notice them.

10. Candy canes: They’re sticky. That’s pretty much it. I like the minty flavor, but I can get that in a York Peppermint Patty without my lips, tongue and hands covered in a gross, viscous substance. And they make too many! Has anyone ever eaten all the candy canes they purchase each year? There must be landfills just overflowing with candy canes. If we could make fossil fuel out of leftover candy canes the world would be a better place.

9. The Nog Shortage: All holiday season everything is nog this and nog that. It’s hard to find a beverage that doesn’t offer a nog flavored option. (kind of like the Fall pumpkin influx) But, if you like nog you’re screwed about 8 weeks later. Apparently nog is such a rare and valuable commodity that it can only be offered for a limited time. I’m going to get rich by drilling a nog well in my backyard and then selling my nog at outrageous prices. I will also have a Nog Blog.

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8.  Holiday movies set in southern California: I hate them because the people in them always look so happy to go outside and hang lights on their palm trees. Jerks. They’re just flaunting their warm weather and lack of snow. If you want a holiday movie to make me happy, how about one where a bunch of So-Cal people are stranded in an avalanche in the Himalayas and they have to eat each other to survive.

iStockphoto.com/KonArt

iStockphoto.com/KonArt

7. More traffic: This one’s pretty obvious, but for cripes sake you idiots! Haven’t you heard of the internet? I don’t care how much I love someone, nobody is worth going to the mall for from now until mid-January.

6. Lazy Hollywood folksAll our regular shows go on hiatus and show re-runs for 8 weeks. Seriously? You people make billions off these shows and you only make 22 episodes a year? That’s only five and a half months of work! When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating that every television program is required to produce a holiday special and one other original episode during the months of December and January.

5.  Lines in every store ALL the time: Yes, this one’s pretty obvious. It’s just a good thing no one sells handguns as an impulse buy item at the checkouts. Then again, I don’t live in the south, they probably do there.

4. FrozenI don’t even have a young Disney Princess obsessed daughter and I’m sick and tired of this stupid movie. I’m sick of the songs and the pictures everywhere. I’ve never seen it and I don’t know what it’s about, but enough already! It’s just another Disney movie where the parents are dead right? I challenge Disney to make some movies where they don’t kill parents as a cheap emotional hook at the beginning.

Funniest_Memes_this-food-is-so-frozen_7263

3.  Commercials: I’ve never walked out to my driveway or garage to find a car with a bow on it. I’ve seen some version of this commercial since I was a kid, completely setting me up with unrealistic expectations.  Look, Bill Gates, I know you and your wife donate millions to charitable causes, just once could you skip a few mosquito nets and vaccines and have a Lexus delivered to my driveway?

2. Religious differences: It’s hard to believe, but not every religion has their most important, most exciting holiday in December. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m passing a law stating that all religions have to have their biggest holiday at the same time so we can easily sort out the school schedules, sales, and work vacations, Makes sense doesn’t it? And just to show that I’m not Christianity-centric, let’s do it in July in the northern hemisphere and December in the southern hemisphere. That way no one has to deal with snow when traveling to see the relatives, unless you’re stupid enough to live where there’s always snow.

1. Santa Claus: And you thought they’re milking the Batman and Spider-Man characters for all their worth? St. Nick hasn’t changed in centuries! Jeez, get that guy a cape and some superpowers. How awesome would that be if he had a nemesis that was out trying to stop him from delivering presents. God has the devil, Batman has the Joker, why can’t Santa have a nemesis?

Please put your holiday pet peeves in the comments. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor don’t be a Grinch and share it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or reblog button below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Ten Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

This is another of my annual features that I’ve written since 2005. (Don’t believe me, click this. It’s my Thankful post from 2005 ) I like to do this post every year because it forces me, and hopefully you to think “outside the box.” Then again, who cops to be an inside the box thinker? How would that go at a job interview? “My strengths? Umm…well, I’ve never had an original thought. My ideas are exactly what you’d expect and probably a lot like the bloke you let go. If you need a problem solved, I’m definitely not your man.” Anywho, back to today’s thankful theme.  Yes, of course I’m thankful for family, friends, career and health. That goes without saying. Here are some unusual things that I’m thankful for:

10. Stovetop Stuffing: Everyone please stop pretending that your Grandma/Mom/Wife’s stuffing is good. It’s not. It’s just soggy bits of bread with unidentifiable “spices” that may or may not be cat urine. Stovetop Stuffing is always light, fluffy, delicious and I can make it it myself. It’s so good it even has it’s own website. Does your Mom’s stuffing have a website?

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9. Twitter: It’s an amazing tool for connecting the world and spreading information at the speed of megabytes. It’s also the funniest place in the world. You know when you’re in a meeting at work and you think of something really funny to say but you can’t because you’d get fired? Somewhere someone else is in a meeting thinking the same thing and they’re tweeting it. But I definitely do not scroll through Twitter when I’m on work conference calls. If you’re not following me on Twitter, get at me @thephilfactor

8. Your Votes: My book, Time To Lie, is in the AllAuthor.com Cover of the Month Contest. I’ve advanced to the final round. I’m in 5th so far, but only the top 3 win some free advertising on their website. If you’ve got a moment, you can vote by clicking THIS LINK, and since it’s a new round, if you’ve voted before, you can vote again.

7. The Outdoors: Sometimes I put my phone down and look around at things outdoors, like sunsets and rainbows, and think, “Man this is pretty kick ass.” I’m glad I don’t live on a planet where’s there’s no oxygen and I have to stay indoors all the time.

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6. Horny Hindi’s: Thanks to this post I wrote in March of 2015, almost half my reads every day are of that one post. I’m considering writing a blog just for the Hindi speaking population. They seem to like me better than you English speaking folks.

5. Backflipping Robots: Some are worried about robots taking over the world in the not too distant future. Not me. I can’t wait. Especially if robots can entertain us like this:

4. The Internet: Yes, the internet is the source of all manner of trouble, but at the same time it’s also the source of so many good things. Like funny cat videos on YouTube. Go ahead, click that. You know you want to.

3.Thanksgiving is only one day: Yes, I’m thankful Thanksgiving is only one day. Heck, I’d be ecstatic if it was only one hour. At least it doesn’t get a whole month. Thanksgiving is not that great of a holiday. If the main meal were pizza or scallops wrapped in bacon however, it would be my favorite holiday.

2. That Tie: That picture above is a tie that a co-worker gave me twenty years ago and I have worn it for work the day before Thanksgiving every year since. Thank you Barb.

1. All of You: Yes, this is corny and obvious, but it’s true. I’m thankful for all of you, friends, family, co-workers, and strangers from all over the world. You make my day with your likes and comments. Happy American Thanksgiving to you no matter where you’re reading this from. In the comments, why don’t you post one unusual thing that you’re thankful for today.

Have a great day! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Things You’ll Wish You Didn’t Know

11. On Thanksgiving every year thirteen people die while reading blogs. OK, I made that one up, but the rest might be true because I read them on the internet.

10. FDA regulations allow 10 insects and 35 fruit fly eggs per 8 oz of raisins. Yum! Natures candy!

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9. When the sun goes out we will only have eight minutes and nineteen seconds before it gets very, very cold.

8. Your cell phone has more bacteria than your toilet.

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7. The movie Toy Story is full of references to the movie The Shining. See that carpet in Sid’s room? Same one from the Overlook Hotel in The Shining.

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6. Depending upon the brand of toilet paper you use, fecal matter can travel through up to ten layers.

5. If you can smell it, then there are microscopic particles of it in your nose. We breathe in about a liter of farts per day.

Doll from The Conjuring

Doll from The Conjuring

4. There is a real island to the South of Mexico City that is said to be one of the most haunted places in the world. The place is called, Isle de la Muñecas, or Island of the Dolls, and hanging in its trees are thousands of extremely scary dolls that are constantly watching.The story goes that the caretaker of the island began hanging the dolls up in trees after he found the body of girl in the water. As time went by, the caretaker began to complain that he heard voices whispering for him to come back to the place where he found the drowned girl. No one paid attention until the day he was found dead, drowned in the same place as she had, no witnesses except for the thousands of glass eyes nearby.

3. Over the course of our lifetime we inadvertently eat two pounds of dirt.

2. In the United States 2500 left handed people die every year due to using equipment designed for right handers.

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1. The odds of you dying on your way to buy a lottery tickets are actual better than your odds of winning the lottery.

Which one disturbs you the most? Personally, I’m a little worried about the left handers. I’m not one, but it would be a shame to see their species become extinct. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil