Category Archives: Top Ten

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Petty Things I Would Do With Time Travel

To celebrate the release of my new suspense, time travel novel earlier this month, I thought I’d share some of the things I’d do if I could time travel. In the comments, tell me what you’d do if you could time travel!

Dr. Who flies about the universe saving entire civilizations, but what if someone petty and small like you and me decided to time travel? C’mon, you know that you’ve thought about what you would do. If not, here are some suggestions:

10. If I’m ordering a pizza that I want there in 30 minutes or less, I’d always get the less.

Picture credit: business.time.com

Picture credit: business.time.com

9. My 12th grade world history paper on Charles de Gaulle would have an actual first person interview. B+ my ass Mr. Hampton!

8. How about relationship do-overs? This is one we’ve all thought about. Avoid the bad ones, save the good ones you screwed up.

7. Gambling! Holy cow! Can you imagine how much money we could make if we just went back and gave our past selves future winners?

6. The stock market: This is proof that there really is no time travel yet. I’m sure Future Me would have told Past Me to invest in Apple about twenty years ago.

5. Ice Ice Baby: If a talentless hack like Vanilla Ice, aka Robbie Van Winkle, could make it big, imagine how great that song would be if I had done it.

Picture credit: newyorkpost.com

Picture credit: newyorkpost.com

4. On December 7th, 1980, although I was just a kid,  I would have hopped a bus to New York City, stayed overnight and then stopped John Lennon in the lobby of his apartment building for an autograph, the world’s first selfie, and a chat lasting an inordinate amount of time.

3. Have you ever walked out of a bad movie and said, “That’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back.” Not anymore. You can wipe The Love Guru from your viewing resume and get those two hours back.

2. Who hasn’t gone to work, looked out the window and said to yourself, “On a day this beautiful I should be at the beach?”

1. Like sleeping in? Time travel is the ultimate snooze button. Wake up, go back two hours, lather, rinse, repeat.

In the comments, what are some of the things you would do if you could time travel? If you enjoy the idea of what you’d do with time travel,  please consider trying my novel Time To Lie, now available on Amazon in e-book or paperback! If you don’t, I’ll go back in time and make sure that you do. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Top Tens

I’ve been doing Top Ten lists for over three years. Some have been very well received. Here, ranked by number of comments, are the Top Ten Top Tens, all hyperlinked so you can check them out and comment if you missed them the first time.

kontrolmag.com

10. The Ten Most Famous People in the World

9. The Ten Worst Fortune Cookie Messages

8. Ten Reasons Cats Are Better Than Dogs

7. My Top Ten Blogging Pet Peeves

6. Ten Reasons I Won’t Date Taylor Swift

5. The Ten Worst Songs I’ve Ever Heard

4. The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs on My iPod

3. The Ten Funniest TV Shows of My Life

2. The Ten Best Books I’ve Ever Read. What Are Yours?

1. Top Ten Blogging Pet Peeves

I wish everyone would do a Top Ten Tuesday. List are fun. Who doesn’t love to read lists and chip in with their own opinion? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Laws I’d Make If I Were President

In the immortal words of Billy Blazejowski, “I’m an idea man Chuck.” In many of my posts I’ve used my now familiar phrase, “When I’m elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first…”  In an effort to further my candidacy for both of those positions, I have compiled, ten of the laws that have followed the phrase “When I’m elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first…” These laws will henceforth be known as The Phil Laws.

1. No more Leap Year extra day. Make all months exactly the same length.
2. No more Daylight Savings Time or British Summer Time.
3. Pregnant women should not tell their male co-workers how dilated they are.


4. Hurricane names must be something scary, not just a normal name. Who’s going to flee something like Hurricane Ed? I believe that far less people would have perished if Hurricane Katrina had been named Hurricane Deathtron. You flee a storm named Deathtron. No one was scared by Katrina.


5. The only place you can be nude in your local gym locker room is in the shower. The rest of the time, wear a towel.
6. Funerals should include drinking and entertainment.
7. A ten-year ban on reality shows.

8. All public bathroom stalls will be as big as the handicapped stalls.
9. No saying “See you next year” on Dec. 31st. It will be legal to punch offenders in the forehead.
10. No more writing paper checks. Get yourself a debit card and stop holding up the lines at the supermarket.

What laws would you make if you were President?  Also, did anyone get the Billy Blazejowski reference? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Fortune Cookie Messages

oddee.com

The other day I got a really lame fortune cookie fortune. It was something like “Don’t stick your arm in a wood chipper or you’ll be up in arms.” It got me thinking that not all fortunes are fortunate. Here are the ten worst fortune cookie fortunes:

10. That time that you thought no one saw you, someone did.

9. You should probably get that rash checked out. It’s worse than it seems.

8. Calm down. That girl in accounting flirts with everybody.

7. If you’re looking for wisdom in a fortune cookie you’re a moron.

6. You should probably brush up your resume’.

5. Your blog isn’t as funny as you think.

cookie-32

4. Avoid nude beaches. Please. 

3. Don’t eat any Chinese food today. It will make you very ill. No, seriously, stay near a bathroom.

2. A bird in the hand will probably crap in your palm.

1. Don’t worry about the expiration date on your milk. Don’t ask how I know. I just do.

So what’s the best fortune you’ve ever gotten? Did you ever have any come true? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

The Friday Poll! YOU Decide My Fate

OK, you may not be deciding my fate, but you can help decide the fate of one day of my blog. I typically have different features each day; Music Monday, Top Ten Tuesday, Wordless Wednesday, Throwback Thursday, and my Saturday flagship post.  I’ve got a new book coming out in the next few months and I’m already working on the sequel. My problem is time. I need more of it. Of all my weekly features, Top Ten Tuesday takes the most time. The posts may seem fun and frivolous, and even when they’re not all that voluminous, they require researching a topic and narrowing a list down to ten things, which  requires me to consider twenty options first.

That being said, at least for the next 6 months or so, I’d like to suspend Top Ten Tuesday. What to put in it’s place? That’s where you come in! Take the poll!

If you have thoughts or suggestions other than what is in the poll please leave a comments. Happy Friday! ~Phil

 

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons I Won’t Date Taylor Swift

I won’t. I won’t do it. No matter how much she begs or how many songs she writes, I won’t date Taylor Swift. Here’s why:

10. If Taylor Swift married me and took my name, her name would be Taylor Taylor and that’s just ridiculous. But, if she took my first name as her married surname, her name would be Taylor Phil. I might consider letting her do that. It would be great fun at party introductions. “Hi, I’m Phil Taylor and this is my wife Taylor Phil.”

9. If she and I broke up with each other she’d write songs about it and I’d write blogs about it. Does the world really need that?

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8. The relationship would never work. She’d be jealous and insecure about my success. It would probably destroy her.

7. Mrs. Phil would probably kick both our asses , resulting in a lengthy and highly public trial, and I can’t go through that again.

6. Because of their well publicized feud over me, if I dated Taylor Swift I’d never get a shot with Katy Perry. (pause) Or would I?

Taylor & Katy in better times before they began fighting over me

Taylor & Katy in better times before they began fighting over me

5. She’s too tall. At 5’11’, she’s taller than me, and well… there’s all sorts of ways that would be awkward. Like at red carpet events for instance: “Hi Taylor. Melissa Rivers here from E! network. Oh wait, stop the camera. Why is your chauffeur still with you?”

4. I don’t want to get stuck supporting that one hit wonder in her old age when she’s lost her marginal good looks and blown all the money she made from that one song that did ok.

3. She’s attractive and all, but she’s no Kylie Minogue. (A little blatant pandering to my U.K. and Australian friends who’ve read this far. If you did, give me a quick shout out in the comments so I know that reference wasn’t in vain)

Kylie dailytelegraph.com.au

Kylie     dailytelegraph.com.au

2.   I’m a pretty forgiving guy, but not once has Taylor’s agent called me and asked if she could be interviewed on #ThePhilFactor. I don’t pursue. I’m the pursued.

1. Taylor may be able to rhyme some catchy lyrics, but from what I’ve heard she’s a snooze when it comes to conversation. Apparently Taylor isn’t all that swift.

As always, feel free to share with your favorite Taylor Swift fan by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great Tuesday!

Top Ten Tuesday! 10 Movies Someone Should Re-Make

Sometimes a modern re-make of a classic movie works (Cape Fear, 1991) and other times, not so much (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 2005). This list is the ten movies I’d love to see a re-make of.

10. An American Werewolf in London (1981): When I saw this movie about 35 years ago, it was awesome and the special effects were incredible. Now, in comparison with today’s CGI world, it looks cheesy. Great story would be even better if the visual effects were from the 21st century.

9,8,& 7: Back to the Future Trilogy: In 1985 we saw in Back to The Future II what they thought the future would look like in 30 years (2015). Why not re-make the trilogy in current time and project into the past and future from now?

6. Big: A Tom Hanks classic about a kid who wishes to be grown up and gets his wish. (BTW, remember he’s at an amusement park when he makes his wish using a Zoltar machine? I’ve been to that park and I’m still the same size and age. Anyway, I propose that they re-make it, call it Little and have an adult wake up as their childhood self but with their adult mind. This is a no-brainer. Stick Zac Effron in it and call it a hit.

5. E.T.: In my updated version of the remake, E.T. returns 35 years later and finds Drew Barrymore now playing all grown up Gertie but with her own kids who save the alien. Are you kidding me? This idea is gold and it would get Drew out of the horrible Netflix show she’s currently making. (Santa Clarita Diet)

4. The Goonies: No plot twists here. Just remake it with better make up for Sloth.

3. Stand By Me: In the re-make all the original actors, except River Phoenix return to their hometown for the funeral of River’s character. After the funeral the guys decide to embark together on the same journey that bonded them together as kids, including the run on the bridge with a train coming. They learn how much they’ve changed and how much they’re still the same and they fondly remember their friend and that fateful summer. It’s a new Big Chill, kind of.

2. Casablanca: Surprised you with this one, didn’t I? A classic love story so much better than the insipid tripe that has passed for love stories over the last 30 years. I don’t, stick Clooney and J-Lo in this and you’d have a winner.

1. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Matthew Broderick returns to play Ferris Bueller in his 50’s taking a fake sick day off of work and trying not to get caught by the man. Again, this stuff writes itself and would still be a blockbuster today.

So, do you like my choices and my proposed updated plot lines? What other movies would you like to see re-made?

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil